F47
Do Unicorns Exist, or Have I Just Catfished Myself Into Believing?
February 09 2025
Okay, real talk, are unicorns actually a thing, or have I catfished myself into believing they exist? Because I have the twinkly lights, the whimsical vibes, and the undeniable allure of a carnivorous fairy (seriously, I’d trade a magic potion for a perfectly cooked steak any day), and yet… my inbox is drier than a well-done rump.
I live in an enchanted wonderland—aka, a house in the bush where my only company is two possums, Kevin and Sandra. They judge my life choices and contribute nothing to my unicorn search, though they did help me locate a missing pork chop once (Kevin stole it). You’d think this would be prime unicorn bait, but nope. Just radio silence and the occasional “Hey” from someone who looks like their last selfie was taken on a Nokia flip phone.
Also, where exactly does one go dogging these days? Every so-called “spot” I check is just a bloke aggressively eating a kebab in his HiLux. Am I meant to signal? Flash my headlights in Morse code? Submit an application to the secret dogging council?
And while we’re here, can someone review my profile? Just in case I’m unintentionally giving off man-eating fairy queen energy. Which, honestly, wouldn’t be the worst thing.
Comments
Ex007
2 months ago
Oh darn it Sandra you deleted my tags #funny #satire #havealaugh
Apples_N_Oranges
2 months ago
Interesting post, say hi to Kevin and Sandra for us 😅.
Hopefully we have got this right - are you referring to single men as ‘unicorns’? As you know single men are usually not so hard to find/connect with as the female variety of unicorn. Wonder if the term ‘Pegasus’ has ever been popular for the mythical, hot ripped body, nice guy, single man 🤔.
You mentioned reviewing your profile, maybe it’s the multiple I DO NOT . . . at the start that’s not working for you. They are important things to know but maybe re word it/include it a different way and see what happens.
Ourmalibu
2 months ago
Aren’t you meant to be on a Cruise right about now?
boobsandbusted
2 months ago
😂😂😂😂😂
friendseeker
2 months ago
Unicorns are hard to find as they live remotely in the bush. You have to be dogged and talk to the animals like Dr Dolittle does.
touchbase
2 months ago
Possums need to pull their heads in such judgemental creatures is this day and age you would think they would have evolved into loving and understanding dogs.
FeistyFatty
a month ago
Would a catfish unicorn be a Donkey? 🐴 🦄
MrandMrsEss
a month ago
Thank you for the satire, I do feel whether it's a male, female or couple or any other of the myriad of identities out there you will be hard pressed finding one that possesses the seemingly simple traits you desire. Yes your profile has big man eating vibes and yes this is a great thing as I think you are overlooking the perfect life you have there with Sandra and Kevin. Do not ruin it in the hope a unicorn will make it better, Sandy and Kev are all you need.
scarlett_Rae
a month ago
Unicorn here 🦄 where not too hard to find
PraiseKink88
22 days ago
Unicorn here. We do exist. We are a rare breed though!
CurvyTatted_02
20 days ago
Hey ! They definitely exist I’ve been one multiple times x 
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