F52
Defining relationships with labels
February 17 2024
So my question is:
1. Is using various terms/labels like "FWB" working for you?
2. Has labeling what you want been
difficult to develop a genuine connection?
4. Do you feel pressured and boxed in with such labels?
5. Has it lead to any toxic dating habits For you?
4. Have you tried not labelling what you seek and has it worked for you?
Ms Foxy
Comments
Dann_May
2 months ago
Well, I'll start the forum off ☺️ I have used the label "FWB" & no, it hasn't worked for me at all 😞 I have had plenty of window shoppers, but no one wanting to enter the shop. I haven't tried not to label what I seek as of yet but will endeavour to give that a go. I thought the start-up approach would be more effective, but maybe I was wrong 🤷♂️
RHP User
2 months ago
Hey Foxy!
I used to be pretty upfront with labels a while back. Either by calling it "fwb" or flat out calling it "not serious". Honestly, the younger crowd seems to work well with this, as it sets a general expectation that doesn't need to be readdressed. These days, i feel like its a bit of a cop out. I'd much rather go without slapping a gernalized label on something, and instead talk about expextations and boundries. Tell me you want someone to keep up with, have casual/regular sex with, and not be romantically invested in. Don't just say FWB. There's so much more in the details, details that can help prevent a falling out or misunderstanding of the situation.
Blueflamingo
2 months ago
I do seek FWB, but I have never labelled it as that without a bit of explanation beforehand.
Most men seem to put more emphasis on the third word, where I focus on the first word. To me, if the friendship isn't there, the benefits will not happen either.
Usually, I will explain that
- "I seek friendship and connections, good conversation, and banter first of all. And if we both get along, then the rest will follow.
- "Oh, you want FWB?
- " Yes, FRIENDS with benefits 😂😂😂
RagnarPrime
2 months ago
I dropped labels years ago. It serves no purpose whatsoever and I find some get too fixated on it that it becomes the dominant theme of the interaction.
I engage, date, fuck, fall for people of all labels. I generally don’t care what they are because the criteria I have for a person is nothing to do with that.
It falls under identity politics for me which is a whole new level of dumb. But I won’t get into that here.
countrytouch82
2 months ago
I use terms and labels including "dating", hopefully seeking "partner"/"relationship"/"girlfriend", or alternatively I also mention "intimate friendship" (eg how I define a FWB). They are all terms or labels, even if some are not acronyms.
I would say that if one actually has a decent amount written on their profile, much of it will also be a reasonable guide for the reader to know who you are and what you are seeking. The acronyms by definition are shorthand; and without any further detail are often not much more use than "M4F".
RachWandered
2 months ago
I’ve responded to this then deleted my comment twice
I’ve changed my mind again…
Labels just signify that a person is seeking something other than the heteronormative standard…
I get confused when people use connection as the relationship label… it’s like using a word to define itself
So when people say “not looking for a relationship but want a connection”
Huh??? WTF?
That’s the sound of one hand clapping stuff!!
“A relationship is simply defined as a connection between two or more things or people…”
So if you don’t want a relationship but want a connection??
I feel like the circularity of that statement could make my head explode…
EarthQueen
2 months ago
Labels like FWB don't work for me. Labelling does feel like pressure to try to achieve something that isn't really true in most cases. In my experience labels like FWB can't often be applied because real friendships actually takes consistent time and effort to develop. They require work on both sides to make happen. On apps most people don't want to take that time to develop a friendship before the sex occurs. Feedback on FWB from single friends I know is that not manypeople achieve it in a way that works for both. Options are people just want to have sex and not really be friends. Or if there's enough substance to be friends one person catches feels. Or if there's not enough substance to be friends they don't really want to have sex with them ongoing because there's not enough connection to keep interest. Maybe there's more scope to achieve this in a capital city that's more progressive. The area I live in is quite conservative in many ways.
Toxic dating habits . Yes. I previously tried too hard to be a FWB and then felt let down when it wasn't reciprocated in the way I thought it would be, which was emotionally damaging. In hindsight I was just naive, too nice and had shit boundaries. Live and learn.
I would actually love a relationship that feels mutually satisfying , trustworthy, respectful, involves intimacy yet gives me my own space. The own space part is tricky because it's often assumed I want something casual, but I don't. I want to deep dive with them, but not live with them. Maybe I can call it Spaceamoury :)
Boards
Forum help
Something related with that
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
report