F56
Dating Apps & Hookups - The Real World, is it any better?
January 05 2020
Comments
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RHP User
6 years ago
I don't have an explanation to all of your questions, just a few observations.The biggest thing I've noticed about the online thing is people seem to behave a lot more poorly with a screen in front of them than they would face to face.Online dating also means there are a lot more people at your disposal, and I use that word deliberately. And don't kid yourself that one sex is worse than the other they are not, different wants maybe but the ruthlessness is the same.You mention people profess to wanting more but moving on when they get a root, the opposite also happens people spruik for nsa when the opposite is really the aim. I'm not trying to go tit for tat I'm just trying to illustrate that people seem to be sucked into the baiting/ player game when really they and everyone else would be better off playing it straight. I'm not convinced these sites are the place to find a ltr but then it does happen more and more these days, if you've got a half decent sex drive the vanilla sites are just so droll. I still reckon a big part of your life needs to be out of here doing the things you love. As a general rule you reap what you sow so take a forensic inventory of what your sowing and take it from there.As a last thing for you l4q, as a guest you don't have much control over what comes your way.
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RHP User
6 years ago
We are a happily married couple who are on here for one reason and that is to find people who what to enjoy the moment and move on you would need to be pretty naive to believe that you might find a soulmate on here as we see the site the same way as most as a have fun and move on site not a dating site
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RHP User
6 years ago
I met my husband on AMM five years ago. Yes it does happen! No matter what you are looking for (or say you are looking for!) when you have that connection with someone, you can’t deny it. When it comes to dating and/or hook ups, people will say what they need to say to get what they want. It was like that before the internet, but having an online profile probably makes it easier to project the impression you want to give. So therefore, you can’t really trust what anyone says they are looking for! And I assume all dating sites are the same unfortunately.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Hi, I quess at 72 I have little chance of finding some one to spend time with and I mean going out coming with me to concert,s that I play in or the band rotunder of a sunday afternoon playing to some 100 people even to have a dance partner, i did have one and he has left to go find work some 3 hours away , yes I,ll see him again just not every Monday dance group. maybe im the problem , myself I,m very busy with in our communitys and what guy would like to do different things I,m involved in cooking for 100,s and have my staff working with me. Now the interesting detail is young guy,s would like to be with me not in what I do just to have time in bed, and then gone, if that's all there is from their persecective , then I,m not at all interested , things have changed from having a mate or long term partner to sex is the in thing , so doubt I,ll have a partner or one who would be interested in myself as a person and not just to have sex with, ...noeleena...
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SpicyKale
6 years ago
Evo67, I think you might be underestimating how other couples use the site. On the other hand, I don't think I'd be on here as either a single male or female for quids! Very different reasons for both genders though! I think you'll find there's quite a community of couples that socialise together and have long term friendships. Weather it be catching up for drinks once a month, seeing interstate friends when they're in town, meeting up at the local nude beach, or couples that might only get the chance once a year because of work schedules, a lot use this place as more than a sex site. I know a number of the forum regulars we haven't met yet catch up when the stars align and I'd be guessing they don't all sleep together either. Not everyone wants those that hit it and quit it. When you're in your forties you're either finding new friends at your kids school or work.... we'd much rather find them on here😉 Sorry OP, a bit off topic but I hope it adds another dimension to the argument
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RHP User
6 years ago
I have actually made some amazing friends on here so for me it’s not just a sex site. However, my question was “Are any of the so called conventional sites better? I come and go on here, entirely depending on my mood and not how horny I am. I enjoy the forums, reading other people’s somewhat quirky views on life and talking to some seriously sexy people. Am I going to shag them all? Nah!! 😘
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AnnieWhichway
6 years ago
So many 1 night stands out in the real world or do you need a refresher?Maybe people aren't here to initially find real love but having found someone sexually compatible first and foremost and then finding several other boxes ticked, nothing stopping you then.The other way, several boxes ticked, emotional connection and then the sex part is fucked. Hard to get away then, put up with it, divorce, repeat.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Sat on POF...and found out to be Plenty of Fakes or Fucks. Online dating is new to me...I am 44 and still think heading to the bar and chatting is great. Having said that, it's hard to approach a lady at the bar when she is texting or on apps lol Guess the attention span is very small and we need a quirky profile, a good pic, correct ages for dating on profile etc. It's a great avenue to meet like minded people and agree the forums are great for a laugh and sometimes I drop my 2 cents
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countrytouch82
6 years ago
Next weekend I'm going to a dog friendly singles event. Another attempt at "real life" meeting (not that it's worked much before), although unlike these sites with an open book policy on pre-existing adult interests, at this more vanilla event at least I can bring my dog* and hopefully find someone local that likes him AND me :) * Unrelated to dogging...
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nightingale8
6 years ago
1) they’re married. Commitment was never on the cards. Or 2) the sex was terrible. To be fair, first time sex is rarely that good 😁 People seek out good experiences. Why stop a good thing for the next ‘conquest’? Easier to blame online dating apps...
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EarthQueen
6 years ago
Unless you are using christianmatchmaker.com :) Finding that elusive mix of sexual and relationship compatibility is difficult but you can find that person anywhere if you are lucky and open. Dating apps or otherwise. Ghosting is common because people change their mind and don't want to have the hard conversations or the other person is not listening to what they are saying and is overly invested. I find this is super common. People read way more into things than what they are. We've all had it happen. You meet someone and think wow we are so compatible. One or two weeks later you realise they were on their best behaviour and the real them is actually a Trump supporter or worse. . Then you have to bow out gracefully. I think for some people online dating is a form of addiction and they are constantly looking for that hit of dopamine when they make a perceived connection. It's not always real, but that little pleasure centre inside their brain is not that discerning and it fires off regardless. This happens for hookups and regular dating. Then reality sets in to say it's not a long term thing or they aren't really looking for that in the first place and/or are potentially dishonest.
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EarthQueen
6 years ago
CT What a great idea. I think it’s much more mentally healthy to try to make those real life connections . Even if you don’t find a date it’s satisfying to meet others who are potentially like minded and you get such a broader picture of someone when you are meeting them in person with no expectation. Bonus is cute pups to pat :)
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RHP User
6 years ago
Hey there, don’t miss your shot, upgrade now and send that message! RedHotPie works; make it work for you!
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RHP User
6 years ago
Some people are very adaptable, possibly deceptive about what they truely are single, have kids, their looks, what they are doing here.How are people meant to know if they're are real or just addicted to social media? It's different when you know them from work or your friends or a social function. It’s very hard to do online. You have no choice but take their word for it. Most males and females place large amount of importance on how someone looks.They place a tremendous amount of importance on how someone looks instead of who a person is. Picture speak a thousands words.Words can’t always display the true person.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Sydneysexplorer.... I’d see someone looking at their phone as an opportunity to approach.....obviously there are going to be more cues that will have to align in order to provide telling signs that she may be open to it... But a simple ice breaker in that circumstance could merely be as simple as “wow...how bad is the food in this place for you to be ordering pizza?? 😂😂” Mr Dragon
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RHP User
6 years ago
OP... To be honest...I think it’s essentially just a case of “because they can.” Online dating has really only opened us up to exposure to those whom we normally wouldn’t otherwise come into contact with. These forums are entirely an example of that. When you mix, opportunity and availability you do provide an environment that breeds a throw away society in my view. Mr Dragon
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SSExplorer
6 years ago
“Society is to blame”, which means we are all to blame! We all want what we want now, we don’t want to wait and if a better model comes along we want it now even if the old model is functioning perfectly well. This could be a phone, a dress, a car or a human!
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RHP User
6 years ago
Quoting 'EarthQueen' Unless you are using christianmatchmaker.com :) I know I probably shouldn't say this, but I would consider it a right hoot to go to such a site, set up a fake profile and just litter it with religious double-entendres. ''I want you to feel the love of Jesus inside you'', ''I wanna make you sing sweet hymns while I fill you with the joy of The Lord'', so on and so forth...
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EarthQueen
6 years ago
Such blasphemy. I will pray for you. PS. Imagine the fun you could have with quotes like these... “When she carried on her whoring so openly and flaunted her nakedness, I turned in disgust from her, as I had turned in disgust from her sister. Yet she increased her whoring, remembering the days of her youth, when she played the whore in the land of Egypt and lusted after her lovers there, whose members were like those of donkeys” (Ezekiel 23:18-21) Seems like even back in the day women were size queens and cougars. In hindsight christian matchmaker is probably a simmering pot of whoredom as well.
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RHP User
6 years ago
I know someone on Christian Matchmaker. She was chatting to someone. They finally arranged a meet. He apparently lives a couple of hours away and asked if he drove to meet her could he spend the weekend at her place. Jaysus, Mary and Joseph! What the fuck dude 😂😂
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honkytonk
6 years ago
for those seeking a guilt ridden sexual experience?
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RHP User
6 years ago
Quoting 'honkytonk' for those seeking a guilt ridden sexual experience? I read in an article that children of religious upbringing will engage in mutual masturbation and light oral with their boyfriend/girlfriend, they consider it to not be ''actual sex'' so they stay tip-top with God. I would imagine God would say something like ''it's okay Gary, you just ate out her pussy and sucked on her tits - you didn't get your end wet so no harm, no foul''.
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honkytonk
6 years ago
isn't that the bill clinton defence he used to avoid impeachment. although he did get her dress 'wet'
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AnnieWhichway
6 years ago
Do they have extra categories for children?
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RHP User
6 years ago
Quoting 'EarthQueen' Unless you are using christianmatchmaker.com :) Finding that elusive mix of sexual and relationship compatibility is difficult but you can find that person anywhere if you are lucky and open. Dating apps or otherwise. Ghosting is common because people change their mind and don't want to have the hard conversations or the other person is not listening to what they are saying and is overly invested. I find this is super common. People read way more into things than what they are. We've all had it happen. You meet someone and think wow we are so compatible. One or two weeks later you realise they were on their best behaviour and the real them is actually a Trump supporter or worse. . Then you have to bow out gracefully. I think for some people online dating is a form of addiction and they are constantly looking for that hit of dopamine when they make a perceived connection. It's not always real, but that little pleasure centre inside their brain is not that discerning and it fires off regardless. This happens for hookups and regular dating. Then reality sets in to say it's not a long term thing or they aren't really looking for that in the first place and/or are potentially dishonest. I've found myself in four serious long-term relationships in my life, and have found my partners a variety of ways.I met my first boyfriend in college, the second in a bar, my last partner through RSVP, and I met Mr House of Fun right here. As an introvert online dating is ideal for me (especially as I've gotten older) as I prefer my home to most social events. Finding out whether I have enough in common with someone and if the initial physical attraction is there (and vice versa of course) before meeting someone in person makes using dating sites valuable to me. With the possible exception of christianmatchmaker.com. x Mia
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RHP User
6 years ago
I’m staying the fuck away from Christian Matchmaker, they sound too hardcore for me 😂 Unless honky on there? Then I’m joining 🤪
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RHP User
6 years ago
Reality is...... the people in here, are the same people..... outside of here If they're a fucktard in here, they're a fucktard out in the real world.... you just havent found it out yet because in most face to face interactions, the consequences of being a fucktard have much more significance You certainly wont get far. You might even earn a slap, a boot to the balls, or a fist to the chin Personality is always consistent..... although deception can conceal it fir a while. But anonymity and the false perception of “choice” online encourages some dopey people to release the inner fucktard far more quickly to expresses itself as the outer fucktard Thats why I laugh when so many guys use the tired old excuse “its a sex site” to act like a dribbling sex offender, and end up complaining why they’re not having a good experience in RHP People have the same tolerances and expectations of behaviour in here as they do outside Who knew eh! LOL
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honkytonk
6 years ago
i joined christian matchmaker for the wine initially. things were great for a time. the ladies wore their bloomers, banter was relayed through a third party, and the canapes were to die for. but like all things honky related, i flew too close to the sun, took some liberties with a few repressed nuns and was cyberally excommunicated. oh well, i hear the metaphysicists run a fairly good matchmaking service. might try those wanky sapiosexuals out for a bit. bahahaha
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RHP User
6 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Reality is...... the people in here, are the same people..... outside of here If they're a fucktard in here, they're a fucktard out in the real world.... you just havent found it out yet because in most face to face interactions, the consequences of being a fucktard have much more significance You certainly wont get far. You might even earn a slap, a boot to the balls, or a fist to the chin Personality is always consistent..... although deception can conceal it fir a while. But anonymity and the false perception of “choice” online encourages some dopey people to release the inner fucktard far more quickly to expresses itself as the outer fucktard Thats why I laugh when so many guys use the tired old excuse “its a sex site” to act like a dribbling sex offender, and end up complaining why they’re not having a good experience in RHP People have the same tolerances and expectations of behaviour in here as they do outside Who knew eh! LOL No Violence Monkey no violence.
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RHP User
6 years ago
I think the online world amplifies peoples reactions and actions which often ends in disrespect and rudeness.On the other hand the online world has the benefit of being less confronting for introverts, and has the advantage of immediacy and the ability to cast a wider net. Ideally we need a mix of the two worlds. And its taken a couple of million years for us humans to evolve this far so we can expect it will take a while to work out how to function reasonably in the brave new online world.
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RHP User
6 years ago
I've found more casual sex while opening seeking it on "normal" dating sites than sex/hookup sites and have happened into more relationships with people I've met through sex/hookup sites. That is somewhat a reflection of my own personality, values and priorities but I have always found the whole hookup/dating site division to be bizarre. People are people, they meet somehow and where that goes depends on those people. Why does the branding/marketing of the site they used have any relevance to that? Pssst, it's often the same people on the different sites anyway ;)
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RHP User
6 years ago
My vanilla profile used to say “Warning, this man has active libido” Worked a treat.
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countrytouch82
6 years ago
Usebi Not sure how much your "worked a treat" was tongue in cheek, but in my experience, the very slightest hint of sexual innuendo/mention kills of any of the already unlikely interest, perhaps from those seeking to falsely stereotype such men in "veiled admission of only being interested in sex" category... A lifetime of restructuring vanilla site dating profiles and I'm still no closer to an ideal if it exists :p But you may* be onto it if you find/found some women understanding such sense of humour :) *Thus my question
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RHP User
6 years ago
I'm on a bunch of dating sites, including this one which is def a hook-up and not a dating site per se. The thing that is common on all the sites i the myriad of picture collectors and people who will lie to get what they want. If you say NSA, and they want more, they will agree to NSA. IF you say you are looking for a relationship, something more serious, perhaps long term, they will agree that's what they are looking for also, just to eventually get laid and move on to the next. It's the same for both genders - people say and do things online they would never dream of saying or doing face to face. There are genuine people on all of these sites who are straight talkers and their actions match their words. It's just a matter of finding them amongst all the douche canoes.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Indeed I did find such women, several in fact, the humour was part of it, the honesty was probably bigger, I think basically I was some fun until a better deal came along (for them) which eventually it did. No hard feelings xx etc. Oh p.s. one lady maintained contact for several years after by text telling me all the gossip and on more than one occasion reminiscing over our meetings. Good times.
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RHP User
6 years ago
I’d never view any hookups from a dating site as potential long term relationships, we all know how it works, they’re great for hookups but the chances of something more developing are very thin. I’m ok with it, it gets plenty of people laid who’d otherwise end up incels if they had to rely on building connections in the real world, lol. Nothing wrong with a bit of instant gratification while you’re waiting/looking for something more suitable. Ms Phoenix.
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AnnieWhichway
6 years ago
That should make Mr Dragon a tad fidgety.....
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RHP User
6 years ago
Annie Your point I agree on, seeking a relationship with similar open views and interests sexually. Well where do go vanilla site or here. I would have to say from my experience the best people Ive met have come from rhp. Good friends keep a single gal like me out and about enjoying life.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Annie, why?
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RHP User
6 years ago
Sorry, it’s Ms Phoenix asking.
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sensualcple2play
6 years ago
To OP Think all dating sites are the same. Everyone uses them in different ways and disagree that RHP is just a sex site and sure that people meet here for more than a quickie! We met on a so called "dating" site RSVP but at times found that even more of a hook up site than AMM & RHP. Our personal experinces when we were both single found all sites were full off players looking for just hook ups, including E Harmony, which is so much more work to set up and you can't even have a profile if u state your seperated but still seem to have people looking for a quickie there too. Guess have to be on guard sorting through the smokin mirrors of all dating sites if your single and looking for the real deal!
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RHP User
6 years ago
I tried the “regular” dating apps and found they were full of people saying one thing, and doing/wanting another. So I figured, if that’s the case, why not take it for what it is, instead of this constant need to read between the lines and play games. Funnily enough I was introduced by a guy I met on a “regular” dating app (who noticed I had some not quite vanilla interests)- and I guess here I am. That being said, I think they’re all as bad as each other. I still hold out hope though.. maybe I should follow CT’s lead and take my lab puppy to some social events!
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RHP User
6 years ago
Correction: AMM lead me into the swingers world, so RHP followed
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countrytouch82
6 years ago
Annie and Dragon I saw it too. But maybe there's a technicality which means there's no irony involved here, as it said "hookups via a dating site" not likely to last, while this couple appeared to meet on what most would normally described as a "sex site", not a dating site (that I would use rsvp as an example). So it's all good lol I would add though that all people on sex/dating sites (based on excluding all of the fake profiles) exist in a real world space, and when meeting them you are making real world connections, from that point on I would say it becomes irrelevant on how you manage to find that person or people? If one can't make real world interpersonal connections then it's not going to matter how or where you meet, via rsvp, rhp or the pub. Of course there are also online gaming "sim" worlds to "hookup" without meeting :p
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countrytouch82
6 years ago
CuriousCatie Haha my dog hasn't directly or indirectly got me any phone numbers yet* out in the real world, maybe I/we are just not doing it right lol (although because he's so cute I'm sure many want the equivalent of HIS phone number :P A single woman with a dog out and about might be different. I know he can't get into nightclubs/pubs where the young(ish) adults go out :p * Of course not the reason I got him though, which was for a life companion :)
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RHP User
6 years ago
Ive been on christian dating websites, the main stream, sugar daddie and dogging sites. Same pricks at all sites. Leta face it... Dating is best done old fashion way.. You can see the bullshit up front lol
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RHP User
6 years ago
It’s a good topic. My wife and I discussed it recently. We are very much in love, but enjoy spicing things up. We have had quite a few threesomes both MMF and FFM which have been fun, but finding the right MMFF combination is hard. We are both fussy and some of the crap and pretenders you have to sift through here and on AFF ( which we have given up on ) is difficult. We have tried some other sites but discretion with us is paramount due to an unfortunate incident from a guy faking your be a couple and then publicly disclosed our identity Face to Face is best. We learnt to meet first and play later. We finally met the right couple through RHP ( our only one from this site) then met them at the last Purr party and we had tons of fun. No strings attached just fantasies lived then wouldn’t you know it they get moved across the other side of the world. The search continues We can still have love without being totally monogamous Each to their own I guess R&K
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RHP User
6 years ago
@CT LOL!! Keep at it and let me know how you go 😂
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imjustmetassie
6 years ago
I met the man of my dreams on a sex site. The only thing i dont like abt them. Is if you say NO to people they get venegeful and make up lies about you Referring to a hobart couple on here..as i wouldnt meet them solo Poor little things they are My choice to meet or say no its a free world......
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countrytouch82
6 years ago
CC, he's nine now, but there's still time I guess :p
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RHP User
6 years ago
As far as guys go generally it would appear the difference between Tinder, Bumble etc... and adult dating apps is that with one you get a face pic and some wishy washy drivel about long walks on the beach and stroking puppies designed to suggest they'll call you after they get what they're really after. With the latter you get the posters true intentions and a photo of it in all its glory. Same intentions, different presentation.
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RHP User
6 years ago
on these sites, your head gets filled with expectations, sometimes things go well, sometimes, things fall flat. I have found just randomly meeting someone, not even for the 'intent' of sex, but when you get close to that person, you get the urge to rip her clothes off, and then find out the feeling is mutual.BY FAR the best.Chemistry. I do believe that certain people give off 'pheromones' like much of the animal and even insect world, that says :'fuck me NOW!', but only to a certain person with similar chemistry.Then finding out mutual likes and dislikes, and dealing with the differences by taking it out on each other by a good hard SEX session to clear the air.just from my experiences in life.
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EarthQueen
6 years ago
Quoting 'Khali' Ive been on christian dating websites, the main stream, sugar daddie and dogging sites. Same pricks at all sites. Leta face it... Dating is best done old fashion way.. You can see the bullshit up front lol How diverse! You should write a book .You've even got a title . "Same Pricks At All Sites", its perfect! I've often thought of collating a book of my dating site experiences. Not sure would it be classified as romance or tragedy
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RHP User
6 years ago
Hi Earthqueen I like your thinking "Sex in the Suburbs" the real story. LOL Ive been on countless mainstream sites, different times my mantra is.. Im going to use my witt not overly filtered pics to find Mr or Miss Right (Greedy) In reality, I have found quick lines and pics gets the dick/slit. *** I had some of my naughtiest plays on Christian Mingle and met my significant other on here. Go figure.
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RHP User
6 years ago
I use these sites as a platform. A springboard to dive in and meet people. If there's a connection, chemistry and humour well that's great. If not, it's c'est la vie and adios.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Rhp for me is quiet simply another platform to connect and hopefully one day unearth a partner...yes that takes some sifting and sorting through a fair amount of rubble, however all sites are are the same - some fakes, some cheaters, some dilusionals, some dreamers, some hopefullls, some downright gorgeous, fun, sexy, genuine folks. Many (including moi) have profiles on a number of sites that are ‘appropriate’ for that platform and that to me is ok too. Personally I’ve met some of the most genuine, open minded people on here. However a number of people I’ve met via other sites have referred to this site as just a sex site for meaningless hookups , but hey they’re probably the ones who have their photos hidden on here! Now it’s onward n upward... I’d better get back to getting out having fun, meeting new people, catching up with family n friends, ... and...that sifting n sorting. It’s all about balance.
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RHP User
6 years ago
I met the love of my life on Ashley Madison. He's gone now but I wasn't expecting the depth of emotional connection that I get through the so called sex sites. I've tried the normal dating sites but they seem so much more vain and shallow than here or AMM. I like the directness on here in being able to be upfront about what you want and if it leads to something else great but I find deeper relationships that start out sexual than trying to do it the other way around.
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Samnite
6 years ago
For a male, almost anywhere is a sex site. It doesn't matter if it's online or offline, down at the shops, a wedding, a funeral, a Christian dating site, and so on. The difference between online and offline is how overtly people broach the subject of sex. Clearly it is far easier to do so online because of the relative anonymity of the internet. The trick for women who don't want hook-ups or meaningless sex with randoms is how to tell the respectful guys from the rest. There really is only one way and that is to meet them and spend time interacting with them in various scenarios. Of course, the way they chat with you online will give you a little clue as well.
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GentlemanPete
6 years ago
I believe as a society we have all become accustomed to a ‘disposable’ way of living. Everything we use can be purchased in the form of disposable. We have also become accustomed to having too much choice. If we lived in an area where there was only 1 place to eat out we would have ‘no choice’, 2 places would give us choice and with 10 places we end up with dilemma! Dating sites have presented dilemma to our society and whilst removing the core values of own beliefs, it’s allowing everyone to think the next best ‘good night’ is just a click away...! We need to stop and internalise within ourselves to assess whether this is what we each want and enjoy our own journeys. Until we walked a mile in someone else’s shoes we will never know their own pain nor their reasons for doing what they do.
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RHP User
6 years ago
I'm single and I'm ready to GO!!!
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EarthQueen
6 years ago
But wait...aren't you an 18 year old man in a couple? and I'm a 22 year old lingerie model ....
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RHP User
6 years ago
10 points for Brazen.
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SpicyKale
6 years ago
That's awesome! Haven't laughed that hard in ages. Well played sir👍
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