M55
Conundrum
March 30 2013
Comments
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Paradisepair
13 years ago
Or just have 'the talk'.
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RHP User
13 years ago
...Meet this Woman on RHP . GG♒- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
She may have JUSt read your comment....Ive learned, that if all you want is a casual relationship..... then keep contact to twice a week.That way, the "relationship" vibe tends not to kick in.DG
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RHP User
13 years ago
What you wrote here is fair, so start with that. Or you can mention you have a date with someone else and watch her reaction. If she responds jealously or acts hurt, gently remind her that as much as you like her, you're not after a relationship and you agreed on this.
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RHP User
13 years ago
No one wants to hurt someone's feelings and no one likes to get hurt, and I think this sometimes leads people to pussy-foot around an important issue. I say be direct and honest. How about just asking if you can just check with her, how she's feeling about things, whether she's feeling more attached than the FWB understanding you have. Yep, be that direct :) And see where it goes.
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RHP User
13 years ago
The way to deliver a gentle reminder....... Quoting 'Ms_Devious' What you wrote here is fair, so start with that. Or you can mention you have a date with someone else and watch her reaction. If she responds jealously or acts hurt, gently remind her that as much as you like her, you're not after a relationship and you agreed on this.
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RHP User
13 years ago
My immediate question to you is, how do you contact each other, and how often? How do you treat her?I have a FWB, who I'm totally into. Why? He texts me daily asking how I am, when he comes over, we smoke weed, talk shit for 6-8 hours all night, and it ends with fucking. I see him daily for an hour or 2 for a catch up sesh, he's the one I talk to about my probems etc.. I never text first, and he can't go a day without texting me.Problem is, he pulls out the "no emotion/purely physical" bullshit on me.So my advice, if it's purely FWB, make sure you TREAT HER as FWB, there's nothing worse than the head fuck of not knowing where you stand because what he says and what he does are 2 very different things.
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RHP User
13 years ago
2 hours to see you??? Did that not tell you earlier that she had more invested??? Open your mouth and let your words (not your penis) communicate. You both need to know where you stand. Is it really that difficult? SPEAK UP!!! (oh dear, I'm in shouty capitals. Does that mean I've been on RHP forums too long?)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'lil_bit_angelic' No one wants to hurt someone's feelings and no one likes to get hurt, and I think this sometimes leads people to pussy-foot around an important issue. I say be direct and honest. How about just asking if you can just check with her, how she's feeling about things, whether she's feeling more attached than the FWB understanding you have. Yep, be that direct :) And see where it goes. Or alternatively dont return her phone calls.................that works a treat !!!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
What gives you that impression? Is it the natural progression where you're just more comfortable with each other rather than her thinking it's a 'relationship' proper? It's tricky, I try to keep communication open with my FWB. If it's not exclusive you need to be upfront that you're seeing other people. If it's not a 'relationship' then that person is not really a big part of your life so not meeting family and friends, not part of your social circle. Have you been sending the wrong signals too? I'd just have that honest talk.
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RHP User
13 years ago
It comes down to two basic things: Honesty - tell her exactly how you feel Integrity - make sure your actions and words are aligned
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RHP User
13 years ago
If your thinking it well......your probably right and you let it get this far and you have to be acknowledge you might loose her. You need to let her know how much you enjoy your single life and are not wanting that to change at this time.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I'm with you on this one. There's nothing wrong with checking the calibration of your own interpretation. Afterall, you may just be seeing something that's just not there. I'm even guilty of that. So talk it out, and be happy :)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'paintme'2 hours to see you??? Did that not tell you earlier that she had more invested??? Open your mouth and let your words (not your penis) communicate. You both need to know where you stand. Is it really that difficult? SPEAK UP!!! (oh dear, I'm in shouty capitals. Does that mean I've been on RHP forums too long?) You drive longer than that to Sydney every fortnight. Have you two discussed you'll never be more than lovers? I think Syd is getting quite attached to you... And Quoting 'whitewiththree' I see him daily for an hour or 2 for a catch up sesh, he's the one I talk to about my probems etc.. I never text first, and he can't go a day without texting me.Problem is, he pulls out the "no emotion/purely physical" bullshit on me. If you see him 1-2 hours every day it really sounds like more than a FWB arrangement to me. You're totally into him, yet he makes clear to you he does not feel the same way. Do you believe him? And if so, what will you do next? I does not sound this is what you want. I hope you guys can come up with a solution that works for you both
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Ive learned, that if all you want is a casual relationship..... then keep contact to twice a week. That way, the "relationship" vibe tends not to kick in. I'm in contact with a FWB of mine almost every day, even if it's just with a text. We are FRIENDS with benefits after all, not fuck buddies.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I agree with MsD. I think you have deep feelings for this man. But does he have the same? Unfortunately in my experience, and learnt the hard way, if a guy says it's purely physical and he doesn't want a relationship. He means it. In the mean time you have become exclusive with him I bet which means you are not out there looking for anyone else. Dangerous situation. If I were you I would say you need to stop seeing him, or at least take a long break from him and definitely start seeing other people. Even though I know none of them will compare. Good luck.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'whitewiththree' My immediate question to you is, how do you contact each other, and how often? How do you treat her?I have a FWB, who I'm totally into. Why? He texts me daily asking how I am, when he comes over, we smoke weed, talk shit for 6-8 hours all night, and it ends with fucking. I see him daily for an hour or 2 for a catch up sesh, he's the one I talk to about my probems etc.. I never text first, and he can't go a day without texting me.Problem is, he pulls out the "no emotion/purely physical" bullshit on me.So my advice, if it's purely FWB, make sure you TREAT HER as FWB, there's nothing worse than the head fuck of not knowing where you stand because what he says and what he does are 2 very different things. sounds like a relationship to me!!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
I disagree that keeping contact with someone a few times week will mean that the relationship will remain casual. A person can still fall for someone regardless of how many times you chat. The only sure fire way of ensuring no feelings develop is to meet someone a few times only, then move on. MsD, when you have a true FWB situation it can be really amazing. I still struggle to get my head around it. How can I care for someone, even love them, sleep with them but I am happy to not have them all the time? Possibly it's my up bringing trying to tell me I should be feeling jealous or I should be wanting more? Although I have always liked the idea of poly relationships. It is great the connection you can have with people and still feel free. :D
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RHP User
13 years ago
Please talk to her straight away, maybe casually mention some other girls youve been chatting to, and ask about other guys in her life. If she asks shocked then you have a window to start the "not serious" talk. Dont ignore her, thats the worse thing, very hurtful and frustrating for the person at the other end who has no idea what she's done wrong, to suddenly have reduced or no contact without explanation...
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'ding26'Please talk to her straight away, maybe casually mention some other girls youve been chatting to, and ask about other guys in her life. If she asks shocked then you have a window to start the "not serious" talk. Dont ignore her, thats the worse thing, very hurtful and frustrating for the person at the other end who has no idea what she's done wrong, to suddenly have reduced or no contact without explanation... I recently have experienced this very same scenario, although its fair to say I did know what I "did wrong" - with absolutely no malice intended..a genuine mistake.. I am left though with unanswered questions and confusion and yes hurt............perhaps I deserve it, but I think not...I guess this is why man will contniue to wage wars and be venegeful.......when we stop talking/communicating then what chance for us as a race. ?..so many methods of communication nowadays and yet we still hide...run away , cut out and avoid confrontation.........I guess the answer lies within one self...how you treat people is the way you have to expect to be treated back.....all I can say is that Im glad Im not like that.....
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Cheekyarses
13 years ago
Very interesting topic. Very similar to a topic on here a few weeks ago on fwb - if she drives 2hrs to see you - there is more to it..... Sounds like attachment to me. Emotions are running high on her side by the sounds of it! Once attached its best to back off as it could get messy! But if you met her on rhp n she reads these forums - she may very well be upset that instead of speaking with her first - the rhp adult forum readers know about your current dealings with this girl....
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RHP User
13 years ago
Ms_D, I travel to my beloved Sydney to avoid having a relationship!!! I prefer LOTS of relationships!
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RHP User
13 years ago
do YOU drive 2hrs to see her....what's YOUR role in this?? Why is this all about the woman...there must be more to this..... FOXY
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RHP User
13 years ago
time for an update.Did you see her over Easter,did you have ''the chat''? I did wonder what a ''fair bit of time'' means.....therein could lie a clue.Once a week for sleepovers? More than that is getting tricky....but it is really how she is relating and responding to you.Two months is not that long afteral but attachment is a funny thing,sometimes it happens when we least expect it. After the chat she may be hurt and not want to be your friend or she may be puzzled that you even thunk such a thing.I hope it goes well for both of you.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I finally had "The Chat" with her yesterday . She responded well & if she was hurt , she didn't let it show . I explained that I was currently on a Journey of self-realisation and if I got into any serious Relationship, my Journey would be incomplete . People I've met along the way , have sometimes tested my Resolve , but my Journey will end when I'm ready . I may miss out on Golden Opportunities . To be true to myself , I need the time to Focus on myself . My last Relationship (9 years) , was a Conglomeration of two individuals , acting as one unit . That's fine & as it should be but sometimes , in Relationships , one can lose sight of one's self as an Individual . GG♒- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
Many of us who lost ourselves in our last long term relationship are on a similar path of 'finding and relearning to love' ourselves. It sounds like you've handled this well Mr Green, hope it all turns out well.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Fucking her simple and say you just want to be friends as some women think if you fuck them you must like em, and then they think there is a place for them parked in your double garage and they want to do your washing. People fall for others, its easy to do when your doing a most intimate act on the plannet, putting your body inside another person. so you have to undock the cock and move along to the next port of call its the nature of the game , people can become attached no matter how hard they try not to. no more fucky for you sunshine , find another woman.
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