F65
Compassion...
November 14 2012
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
In my professional life i can be mistaken as a pushover..until i am pissed off, then people see the other side..i like to work with people , talk with them not at them ..i find it more productive in the work place..however if i feel my style is being abused then it is quiclky rectified and that person gets a clearer understanding as to how i work.. I am similar in my private life..i have compassion for all until its abused..its the other person / people who might think they see a weekness in someone and try to take advantage of them.. I love campassionate warm people , you can see it in their eyes..
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RHP User
13 years ago
and I think a compasionate person is also an emotional person. When people tell me their problems I tend to cry with them. But I do believe that a lot of people lack empathy these days.
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RHP User
13 years ago
The world is full of compassionate people! It is sad that you even need to ask if it still exists! I suggest you look at the good in people and stop looking for faults! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
13 years ago
I consider myself to be a compassionate person with but my job in the military, you were 'forced' to be a real jerk sometimes. I felt bad for the young lieutenants in Iraq who had to make the decision to shoot enemy wounded because our medics would go to help them, roll them over and they had a hand grenade killing themselves, the man who was trying to help them, and anyone else within ten meters.Since then I have tried to be a more compassionate person, but everything has become so hazy in todays society.Example: I have lived in Sydney for about 8 years (kind of a drifter now). When i first saw the homeless people on the street, i wouldnt hesitate to dump spare change of maybe a bill in their donation box.eight years later, and the SAME PERSON is out there in the street, and at times it makes my blood boil. you see homeless shelters that have extra beds at night. OZ havrvest would take uneaten food from the boats on the harbor and restaurants, and take it to feed the homeless.They would get a gourmet meal that night that other people paid $80.00 and higher a plate for. And the dude has the gall to sit there holding a beer and reeks of cigarette smoke. At $15.00 a pack, that is a full day of meals at McDonalds that would at least keep you alive.for free, and ask for more.So now when people ask for donations, I REALLY screen their backrounds. About the only ones i anywhere near trust anymore is the Salvation army. Any U.N. organizations are so corrupt and have such a huge infrastructure, that over 60% of what you give goes to somebodies paycheck, not to the people who need it, and lets not forget the U.N. oil for food scandal in Iraq which probably starved and killed thousands of Iraqi children. they died within site of Sadaams palaces.Yes it is a hard world, but AT LEAST we should be compassionate person to person.
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RHP User
13 years ago
...but i also think, one has to practice compassion on one's own risk...i have been compassionate towards people...only to find, that not only they were lacking, the same compassion,towards me...they also took my kindness, for weakness....but there is a lession, to be learnt, in everything, in life...and now, if my open nature...my compassion...or respect and care, for an other human being, gets abused...i just walk away...i learnt, that some people just aren't worth it...that doesn't stop me, from being open, and compassionate, to theirs...now, i have just learnt to cut my losses,sooner...life is too short, to be negative...if it isn't working, i just move on...but being compassionate, is being humble ...knowing, that the adversities of life, can put good people into bad situations...can change their personality...and until i took a walk, in their shoes....i have no way of knowing, if i didn't end up the same, as them...life can be cruel sometimes...
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RHP User
13 years ago
thought there would be more posts to this. Crackup did you just post it?
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RHP User
13 years ago
this line meant to read..."that doesn't stop me, from being open, and compassionate, to OTHERS..."
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RHP User
13 years ago
I think the global level of compassion is at about the same level as it has always been, take that has half full or half empty depending on how you feel about it. Am i compassionate? Sometimes, about somethings but that's more my Karama rather than any particular feelings that compassion is a weekness. But I have learnt from someone close to me with borderline personality dissorder that you may have compassion for them and their cirumstances but that's doesn't mean you can do anything abou their suffering. And sometimes you have to let them go through suffering in order to be free of it.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Yes, I think it's dying. Tell me, when you see a fat person does a little thought ping off in your mind that goes something like "you don't need that burger mate"? Do you call people from India curry munchers? Do you look at a woman's mannerisms and appearances and whisper to your friend "she's a lesbian I reckon"? If other people say these things around you do you join in, distance yourself or take the opportunity to gently alert then to their unkindness? It's hard to face your own unconscious bias towards difference, to accept that every little time you look and judge and comment and assess and sum people up like this you're belittling and discriminating. It might be covert, private, just your own thoughts, but it's part of the energy you put into the world. Compassion is so much more than being touched by a sad story. It's a deep, deep acceptance and love for all things. That fat man has struggles, just like you. He wants to love and be loved, just like you. He hates part f himself just like you. Compassion is seeing the sameness in all of us and having a wide open heart. Compassion requires a constant returning to your heart, a vigilance about your thoughts, and a personal commitment. Sure, there might be some people who say compassion doesn't require work for them - but I don't buy that. The entire world is set up to make us compete, criticise, judge and win. Compassion is the antithesis of this. As you can see, a topic very close to my heart - my biggest goals in life are to practise compassion and to have peace in my heart. I fail every day, but I love myself anyway :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
I guess that is about the best way to put it, but old habits die hard, and there is way too much indifference in this world .I worked with people from India, and Nepal, and while I H A T E curry, i wouldnt call them curry munchers (actually never heard of that one).I will even taste their food when offered, then go brush my teeth:)Basically, the 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you' thing comes in to effect.A lifetime of pain and suffering will also do numbers on you, and it gets harder every day to show compassion in a world full of violence death and destruction.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx' The world is full of compassionate people! It is sad that you even need to ask if it still exists! I suggest you look at the good in people and stop looking for faults! xFunlovingxIf you read my post Fun, I at no time said NOT having compassion was a fault. That is entirely your own interpretation. I simply asked if it still a trait to be found amongst people today or if people viewed it as perhaps a weakness.. or if they displayed it, were fearful they may be taken advantage of. I am not sure what your own experiences have been that you would need to 'assume' I was looking for fault in anyone. I am however, analytical. .. not to be confused with fault finding.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'icumfast' thought there would be more posts to this. Crackup did you just post it? I did hun, only this morning. Takes time I think, with all all the busy lives out there....
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'sensualtimestoo' ...but i also think, one has to practice compassion on one's own risk...i have been compassionate towards people...only to find, that not only they were lacking, the same compassion,towards me...they also took my kindness, for weakness....Sensual...you strike me as being so (compassionate).. what a lovely post. I always enjoy the sentiments you express. A beautiful heart.. and mind.but there is a lession, to be learnt, in everything, in life...and now, if my open nature...my compassion...or respect and care, for an other human being, gets abused...i just walk away...i learnt, that some people just aren't worth it...that doesn't stop me, from being open, and compassionate, to theirs...now, i have just learnt to cut my losses,sooner...life is too short, to be negative...if it isn't working, i just move on...but being compassionate, is being humble ...knowing, that the adversities of life, can put good people into bad situations...can change their personality...and until i took a walk, in their shoes....i have no way of knowing, if i didn't end up the same, as them...life can be cruel sometimes...
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RHP User
13 years ago
Doh...did it again...the middle of the txt thing.. arrrrrgh. Lol.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I am trying so very hard to practise compassion right now. I have a very longstanding friend, she has been overweight most of her life, is addicted to pot, has 3 children (2 of which are now in the care of her mother). So yes she has alot of problems. I have tried many times over the years to help her. The men she attracts are all violent and abusive and tend to take advantage. She is once again in one of these relationships. The man in her life at the moment has 'helped' her spend $8000 in a matter of about two weeks (Govt handout that should have seen her many bills up to date). Now that money is gone he is in and out of her life at his choosing, has been physically and mentally abusive, and has smashed her car (write off) just weeks ago, this happened right after I had her stay with me 3 weeks ago and had him removed from her home, I listened to her, I took care of her son so she could sleep in mornings and get her strength back, I cooked for them and generally let her have a carefree existence. She once again has him in the home, she tells me this morning that it is only so he can help her get quotes for the car and fix up alot of the stuff he has damaged in her home. I am not buying this for one minute, this just happens over and over, and frankly I am just about jack of it!!!! Am I right to be feeling this way? I've had compassion up to my goddamn eyeballs at this time!!! I feel that to be helping her when she can't help herself is just futile. Some responsibility has to be taken by yourself if you are seriously wanting to better your life.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Saskia72'I am trying so very hard to practise compassion right now. I have a very longstanding friend, she has been overweight most of her life, is addicted to pot, has 3 children (2 of which are now in the care of her mother). So yes she has alot of problems. I have tried many times over the years to help her. The men she attracts are all violent and abusive and tend to take advantage. She is once again in one of these relationships. The man in her life at the moment has 'helped' her spend $8000 in a matter of about two weeks (Govt handout that should have seen her many bills up to date). Now that money is gone he is in and out of her life at his choosing, has been physically and mentally abusive, and has smashed her car (write off) just weeks ago, this happened right after I had her stay with me 3 weeks ago and had him removed from her home, I listened to her, I took care of her son so she could sleep in mornings and get her strength back, I cooked for them and generally let her have a carefree existence. She once again has him in the home, she tells me this morning that it is only so he can help her get quotes for the car and fix up alot of the stuff he has damaged in her home. I am not buying this for one minute, this just happens over and over, and frankly I am just about jack of it!!!! Am I right to be feeling this way? I've had compassion up to my goddamn eyeballs at this time!!! I feel that to be helping her when she can't help herself is just futile. Some responsibility has to be taken by yourself if you are seriously wanting to better your life. That's such a sad story Saskia. You must hurt for your friend, as well as probably feeling a fair bit of anger, I would think? I received some really powerful advice once, when seeking some guidance on how to help a friend who was a victim of ongoing domestic violence. The professional said to me that family and friends usually try to help, intervene, change the situation, and then eventually give up or burn out when the affected person is not helping themselves. She suggested that instead, loved ones need to have boundaries that mean taking care of yourself, not giving all of your energy to the affected person and their poor choices. But importantly, most family and friends make the mistake of getting to that burn out point and wiping their hands of the person completely. This means that if the affected person ever does get the courage and strength to change their situation, often there's no-one left to love, support and help them. If they've 'cried wolf' too many times, people don't have faith in them. When someone does finally make the big move, having family and friends around - even just one person - to have faith in their courage and offer love and support, is critical to them succeeding in breaking away finally. Compassion doesn't mean intervening and fixing. It can just mean to stay loving in your heart. This advice made a huge difference to me, and I shared it with all of the family and friends. When my friend finally did break the cycle, we were all there for her.
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RHP User
13 years ago
i go out, do some work, come back in my room check posts, go back out...... stuck on a boat alone for a month at a time.go ccccccrazy sometimes.
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RHP User
13 years ago
For me the best definition I have found is by Ram Dass in his book Compassion In Action.In the 80s he and Stephen Levine were instrumental in setting up hospices for people dying of aids in San Francisco. '''The difference between pity and compassion is ,when someones pain hits your fear it's pity but when someones pain hits your love this is compassion"" I think the growing in -home hospice movement which enables people to die peacefully at home is certainly evidence of how ordinary people can support members of their community in a very practical and loving way. Karuna ...which means compassion ,is an Australia wide hospice service based on Tibetan Buddhist philosophy and practice. The tattoo I have on my left shoulder is in sanscrit and is the mantra of compassion....OM MANI PADME HUNG. This is also the mantra of the Dalai Lama who Tibetan Buddhists believe is an emanation of Chenrezig the Buddha of compassion. Compassion is strenghth not weakness,sometimes our compassion may manifest in ways which may appear to be harsh,it is neither a kindness or helpful to enable people to keep on doing the wrong thing,to hurt either themselves or others but as Ramekin said sometimes we need to let the person deal with their suffering and this I also believe. Sometimes the place we need to start is with ourselves,to be kind to ourselves, and to stop judging ourselves x R
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RHP User
13 years ago
I'm with Braveheart on this one Saskia. Having compassion, means having boundaries but .. always having a open heart. I am not a patient person nor a perfect one, people who keep on making the same dumb mistakes frustrate the bejeezus out of me, however, as soon as it seems they are finally taking that much needed step forward, I am with them, to help in whatever way I can. Taipan, I too, if I feel I am being taken advantage of, can bring on the big freeze, and the person concerned, will find themselves out in the cold. I am wary of them ever afterwards so.. in being compassionate, I am also a bit.. mm not untrusting, but, careful - maybe age teaches you that. Compassion can leave you open to potential abuse, but the lack of it in life, makes for a harsh and not overly rich one...
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RHP User
13 years ago
....As an aside, compassion doesn't have to be 'the big stuff' either. Today, I helped a lady in a wheelchair .. who was struggling to pull a letter out of her post office box (I noticed her hands were gnarled too). I assisted her and the locked the box for her afterwards and handed back the key. It felt so good.. to do something for someone else, that is the joy of compassion, it leads to altruistic acts, which .. feeds such positivity not only to the recipient but the giver as well. Little things like that.. have the joy to enrich us as individuals. .. I think anyway.
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RHP User
13 years ago
That is a question I have been asking for a few years now and especially after burning out severely in human service work. Loss of compassion is one of the indicators of impending burn-out in my field. I agree with brave-heart that compassion does not mean trying to fix things for people (unless that is your job). I also think that we are human and there are times when we don't have the energy to be in a listening place for a friend in need. In order to avoid stress and burn-out, we need to show compassion to ourselves so when we are not able to be available for someone in need, we have to let them know that we can't be there right now and we will get back to them when we can. That's self-care and its essential to ensure our compassion does not run out. I still work in human services and I still have days when I know I am not the right person to support someone in a crisis. I name that up because I don't want to burn-out again. I now see compassion as renewable energy, but like solar power when there has been too many grey days, it can be hard to find as much as is needed and/or expected.
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RHP User
13 years ago
thank you for your kind words....it is always a privilege, to receive your compliments...i always find, the topics, of your post, very interesting....they make me look into myself...ponder...ask questions....the subjects, you touch, in your posts...are very stimulating, to the mindx
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RHP User
13 years ago
Compassion is alive and well and I am pleased to say that I am surrounded by compassionate people and Im also in contact or been in contact with people Ive never even met full to the brim with empathy and compassion - and accordingly I am blessed I also work in a industry which one would say thrives on the act of compassion....I would hope so...so Im surrounded by supportive and wonderful strong empathetic colleagues..this too is a blessing I am going thru my own trials and tribulations ( arent we all ?) at the moment, which have been documented on previous posts.....I have been contacted by people from this medium with offers of support, comfort, advice, exchange of stories and in one case, a very kind lady who lives here in Perth, offered to care for me (as she had been in similar circumstances as I ) a total stranger - I mean how wonderful can people be ? (BTW folks I owe quite a few people emails - please be patient with me - laptop is currently in the laptop fixup shop due to a green cordial incident and Im typing this on I phone - will email you when Im up and running) I have been overwhelmed with random acts of kindess I and I can only hope that I pass on the same. I do try to make the effort as best I can...and it can be a small act...of even just listening... However tis a funny thing...when you are experiencing a crisis in your life, its always amazing those who are there for you - full lof love, compassion, practical advice and who isnt.. ...events like this really do show you whose in for the long haul with you and who isnt...Ive expected compassion and understanding from those who I considered close friends only to be shunned be cause they cant deal with my dramas....its funny but the lovely acts of compassion and kindess that I have experienced of late have been from people who I have only just met or will probably never meet...how strange and thought provoking is that ? Im cyncial and jaded about many things in life, but all in all I still believe that there is compassion in all of us , good in all men......(except the ex) ......and in this I will not be swayed
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have worked too long in the social services side of things. Now I do not watch the news, nor do I want to know about the misery of others Sometimes to save yourself you have to shut out the world. I am supportive of my friends and family, I will donate and yes I will hand money to people on the street. I may not like what they do with it, but its more for me than for them To stay compassionate you have to exercise it You must expect nothing in return and you must not be disappointed if others do not feel, or behave as you would hope they would Sometimes though when I see some of my old clients and they have their life back, a man or woman comes up and hugs me and says, I remember you and how you helped me out that time Then its all worth it At my studio opening there were some barefoot street people, and no body thought any thing off it they thought I knew them And the gallery curator came over and said, oh dear some homeless people have come in I said, give them some wine and some food and let them enjoy the art like everyone else The problem was Then one got so drunk and abusive and demanded I spend some time with him, he said I was a stuck up bitch when I had to ask him to leave maybe I am :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'CrackUp' I'm with Braveheart on this one Saskia. Having compassion, means having boundaries but .. always having a open heart. I am not a patient person nor a perfect one, people who keep on making the same dumb mistakes frustrate the bejeezus out of me, however, as soon as it seems they are finally taking that much needed step forward, I am with them, to help in whatever way I can. Taipan, I too, if I feel I am being taken advantage of, can bring on the big freeze, and the person concerned, will find themselves out in the cold. I am wary of them ever afterwards so.. in being compassionate, I am also a bit.. mm not untrusting, but, careful - maybe age teaches you that. Compassion can leave you open to potential abuse, but the lack of it in life, makes for a harsh and not overly rich one... i couldn't have express this feeling better...if i choose to open myself up, to someone...and allow myself, to become vulnerable...exposing the soft parts behind the hard shell...(LOL)...i am doing that, knowing the dangers, i open myself up to...i know, there is a potential, of me getting hurt...it's a little bit like surfing...you know, there are sharks in the ocean...but you will take the chance of possibly coming across hazardous situations...for the sake of the beauty, and the joy, you are out to experience, when things go well...
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RHP User
13 years ago
What a great topic! I often ask myself the same question. I consider myself compassionate, as much as I am aware it can get used against me as my weakness, but I would and have never let that stop me to show someone I care. It is considered more a weakness than a virtue these days for sure, but thankfully it still exists, and you obviously are one of the better people in this world for having it :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Can you be compassionate towards someone when they're behaving in an ugly way? Compassion doesn't have to equal agreement.
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RHP User
13 years ago
is an ocean of wisdom,doesn't mean you agree with a person's behaviour or support it,to feel compassion.x R
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RHP User
13 years ago
yes, you NEED TO TAKE A BREAK FOR YOURSELF once in a while if you work in a field like that.You hear all these horrible stories of some our (I am an American) troops going schizoid and killing civilians. They didnt just randomly go on a killing spree. SOMETHING tripped their trigger.One instance was an american Staff Sergeant who lost some troops in an ambush and roadside bomb. There were civilians everywhere, but 'nobody saw nothin'. They lined up the civilians, THREATENED to shoot them (but didnt), couldnt get any info and let them go.The Sergeant was getting static from his troops that he wouldnt stand up to the chain of command and let their friends die needlessly,. meanwhile, he is getting pressure from the chain of command to 'pacify' the area.They KNEW (or had a good idea of who did it). that night he went out by himself, went in to every home of the people involved with killing his troops, and murdered all their families.They should have pulled these guys offline immediately and put them on rest and relaxation and had counseling available.contrary to popular belief, over half of our time when occupying other countries is not 'killing the enemy', but providing humanitarian relief.it is hard to be compassionate when the people you are trying to help are trying to kill you.
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RHP User
13 years ago
It shows great strength to be compassionate to someone who's acting like a real prick to you. I'd like to think I'm compassionate but not at the level I want to be. Being black I used to hate racist people but carrying hate around put me in the same boat as them and the feeling sucked big time. People are people and unfortunately nothing in the world's going to change if we don't change ourselves. People are fucked up for different reasons and a bit of apathy and a good friend putting them on the right track goes a long way. I know some people you can't reach so you gotta think, how fucked up must their life be going around thinking and behaving like that. I'm no role model and react bad to stuff but if you start small and change the little things, big things start happening within yourself. The big picture I think is not just about being compassionate but thinking, how would I like to be treated and the biggy...giving up some territory...that is dropping the ego and letting someone have a win over you, even though you think or know you're right(or wrong). It comes down to living a happy and healthy life and it's not found in your wallet.....I'm certainly no angel, just a work in progress and there are heaps of beautiful compassionate peeps out there....you gotta have faith!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'brave__heart' Can you be compassionate towards someone when they're behaving in an ugly way? Compassion doesn't have to equal agreement. Braveheart, showing compassion under these circumstances is truly a test of character. I myself, find my initial reaction is anger, even though, intellectually, I may be aware they are 'acting out' and I can see the indicators of such. They say behind 'anger' is sadness..if we really analyse it. I don't know.. I just know I resort to the inner child and that is.. you have upset me and kapow, you are gonna have it. Once that response has taken place, if the ugliness is towards me and does not shift to a more agreeable pattern of behaviour, then, I move away.. physically or emotionally. I wish I were a more 'evolved' personality but alas, I am not. If the situation calms, and they become approachable once more, my compassion is not far behind. ..
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have spent quite a lot of time in Bali,not staying in resorts but a village in the north.Just after the second bombing my friends were really struggling as the tourists were staying away in droves.They sold sarongs and jewellery on the beach,or took people out in the early mornings in small wooden boats to see the dolphins playing. It was Christmas and I thought I would take about fifteen of my friends plus their children to a local restaurant to celebrate. This made me feel very good indeed until it came to the night of the dinner.The owners of the restaurant were rude and condescending,my friends were extremely uncomfortable and I felt like a patronising twat. The next Christmas I asked my friends,all who were Hindu what they would like as a gift,without exception they said rice for their families.So I hired a bus and we all travelled to the nearest suppermarket about 20 kms from the village .Laughing and giggling my friends choose the biggest bags of rice the supermaket could provide. Everybody was happy,and I learnt a valuable lesson,to ask before I presume to know what will be most beneficial to someone else.x R
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RHP User
13 years ago
You can lead a horse to water......... Some people, particularly addicts(from what I've seen) need to hit their own rock bottom before they can be helped. Until then you just end up banging your head against a wall. As for compassion in general, I think it's a circumstantial thing, I'll help anyone who wants to be helped, but when kindness/compassion is taken as a weakness I tend to put that person in the too hard basket, and once they're there, I don't give second chances. Having said that I do consider myself a compassionate person, one day I saw an older guy who was at the checkout having to leave a few items at the counter because he was $20-30 short, I paid for the items and he cried and gave me a huge hug. That felt really great!!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'tuscanred' I have worked too long in the social services side of things. Now I do not watch the news, nor do I want to know about the misery of others Sometimes to save yourself you have to shut out the world. I am supportive of my friends and family, I will donate and yes I will hand money to people on the street. I may not like what they do with it, but its more for me than for them To stay compassionate you have to exercise it You must expect nothing in return and you must not be disappointed if others do not feel, or behave as you would hope they would Sometimes though when I see some of my old clients and they have their life back, a man or woman comes up and hugs me and says, I remember you and how you helped me out that time Then its all worth it At my studio opening there were some barefoot street people, and no body thought any thing off it they thought I knew them And the gallery curator came over and said, oh dear some homeless people have come in I said, give them some wine and some food and let them enjoy the art like everyone else The problem was Then one got so drunk and abusive and demanded I spend some time with him, he said I was a stuck up bitch when I had to ask him to leave maybe I am :) Readers if I may...TR has one of the kindest and biggest hearts that I know of ..I say this with complete confidence as I have been on the receiving end of her non judgemental and compassionate acts...and many strays in trouble have beaten a path to her door, myself included... Even on Sunday when TR I had a quick brekkie together, she was on the phone, helping out another friend in need with sound practical advice and a offer of a cup of tea TR- your basically a marshmallow ..:)
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RHP User
13 years ago
compassion is fundamentally a part of the human psyche, obviously excluding psychopathic bastards, and more broadly speaking, politicians, parking inspectors, cold callers, RHP moderators, Tibetian Buddist monks or anyone that works for the ATO (please note that the above mentioned list is by far no means comprehensive) I consider myself reasonably compassionate, but i dont suffer fools greatly (unless they make me laugh) :D Make me laugh please :D hehhehehe☯
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RHP User
13 years ago
Some very sage advice here. I think I will just back off. There will be no more money lending or food handouts taken over. I will not enable them to live their lifestyle and not suffer the consequences. If and when she decides to get rid of him she knows my number, I will be there. Thank you again, I have really been struggling with this.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'jahmon'It shows great strength to be compassionate to someone who's acting like a real prick to you. I'd like to think I'm compassionate but not at the level I want to be. Being black I used to hate racist people but carrying hate around put me in the same boat as them and the feeling sucked big time. People are people and unfortunately nothing in the world's going to change if we don't change ourselves. People are fucked up for different reasons and a bit of apathy and a good friend putting them on the right track goes a long way. I know some people you can't reach so you gotta think, how fucked up must their life be going around thinking and behaving like that. I'm no role model and react bad to stuff but if you start small and change the little things, big things start happening within yourself. The big picture I think is not just about being compassionate but thinking, how would I like to be treated and the biggy...giving up some territory...that is dropping the ego and letting someone have a win over you, even though you think or know you're right(or wrong). It comes down to living a happy and healthy life and it's not found in your wallet.....I'm certainly no angel, just a work in progress and there are heaps of beautiful compassionate peeps out there....you gotta have faith! I agree it can be hard. It's like anything you want to get good at - you need to practise, and make it a habit. It starts with listening with an open heart, and as you said jahmon, with thinking about how you'd like to be treated. I also think so few people know how and when to apologise sincerely. And people use the word should - in relation to others - all too frequently. Just my thoughts x
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Taipan12' In my professional life i can be mistaken as a pushover..until i am pissed off, then people see the other side..i like to work with people , talk with them not at them ..i find it more productive in the work place..however if i feel my style is being abused then it is quiclky rectified and that person gets a clearer understanding as to how i work.. I am similar in my private life..i have compassion for all until its abused..its the other person / people who might think they see a weekness in someone and try to take advantage of them.. I love campassionate warm people , you can see it in their eyes.. I usually have a pile of paragraphs with my take, but in this case it appears Taipan's take is my take?! Ditto 100% is all I have to say in this rare instance (feeling a little like I am plagiarising!) Better write an original thought - I like to approach every new situation and person with a blank canvas, offer an optomistic, openess and willingness to do the best we can do together with our interactions, whether they be professional or personal, with no preconceived ideas and to support each other along the way with the benefit of the doubt if first impressions may be amiss, but to not be taken as a fool if the gut instincts and the evidence proves otherwise... (wow it has been so long since i have been on here trying to gather my thoughts... such good therapy this site lol! Time for another vodka )
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RHP User
13 years ago
what people forget is that to feel compassion or even empathy, there first has to exist the notion of care for the other person....so if you dont care for or about the other, and whether they are hurt or in pain, or not......theres no possible way to feel either compassion, or empathy ... you cant demand either.... i get called bigot for not being compassionate or feeling empathy for those who choose to cheat and lie there way through a relationship.... i dont see how i can, when my compassion and empathy is already directed at those who are being lied to, and cheated on....these are the people with whom i identify, having been lied to and cheated upon myself..... its like being asked to side with an abuser, after being abused myself, i simply cant do it.......
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'brave__heart' Quoting 'jahmon'It shows great strength to be compassionate to someone who's acting like a real prick to you. I'd like to think I'm compassionate but not at the level I want to be. Being black I used to hate racist people but carrying hate around put me in the same boat as them and the feeling sucked big time. People are people and unfortunately nothing in the world's going to change if we don't change ourselves. People are fucked up for different reasons and a bit of apathy and a good friend putting them on the right track goes a long way. I know some people you can't reach so you gotta think, how fucked up must their life be going around thinking and behaving like that. I'm no role model and react bad to stuff but if you start small and change the little things, big things start happening within yourself. The big picture I think is not just about being compassionate but thinking, how would I like to be treated and the biggy...giving up some territory...that is dropping the ego and letting someone have a win over you, even though you think or know you're right(or wrong). It comes down to living a happy and healthy life and it's not found in your wallet.....I'm certainly no angel, just a work in progress and there are heaps of beautiful compassionate peeps out there....you gotta have faith! I agree it can be hard. It's like anything you want to get good at - you need to practise, and make it a habit. It starts with listening with an open heart, and as you said jahmon, with thinking about how you'd like to be treated. I also think so few people know how and when to apologise sincerely. And people use the word should - in relation to others - all too frequently. Just my thoughts xWhew...that's my saving grace then, I apologise....a lot, lol. As J said, a work in progress, that would definitely be me too. We don't always get it right, 'sorry' is the mechanism to acknowledge that, and to start afresh...striving for better next time.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Saskia72'I am trying so very hard to practise compassion right now. I have a very longstanding friend, she has been overweight most of her life, is addicted to pot, has 3 children (2 of which are now in the care of her mother). So yes she has alot of problems. I have tried many times over the years to help her. The men she attracts are all violent and abusive and tend to take advantage. She is once again in one of these relationships. The man in her life at the moment has 'helped' her spend $8000 in a matter of about two weeks (Govt handout that should have seen her many bills up to date). Now that money is gone he is in and out of her life at his choosing, has been physically and mentally abusive, and has smashed her car (write off) just weeks ago, this happened right after I had her stay with me 3 weeks ago and had him removed from her home, I listened to her, I took care of her son so she could sleep in mornings and get her strength back, I cooked for them and generally let her have a carefree existence. She once again has him in the home, she tells me this morning that it is only so he can help her get quotes for the car and fix up alot of the stuff he has damaged in her home. I am not buying this for one minute, this just happens over and over, and frankly I am just about jack of it!!!! Am I right to be feeling this way? I've had compassion up to my goddamn eyeballs at this time!!! I feel that to be helping her when she can't help herself is just futile. Some responsibility has to be taken by yourself if you are seriously wanting to better your life. there is a toxic friendship, those you ditch she is not your friend
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Shinasbabe27' Quoting 'tuscanred' I have worked too long in the social services side of things. Now I do not watch the news, nor do I want to know about the misery of others Sometimes to save yourself you have to shut out the world. I am supportive of my friends and family, I will donate and yes I will hand money to people on the street. I may not like what they do with it, but its more for me than for them To stay compassionate you have to exercise it You must expect nothing in return and you must not be disappointed if others do not feel, or behave as you would hope they would Sometimes though when I see some of my old clients and they have their life back, a man or woman comes up and hugs me and says, I remember you and how you helped me out that time Then its all worth it At my studio opening there were some barefoot street people, and no body thought any thing off it they thought I knew them And the gallery curator came over and said, oh dear some homeless people have come in I said, give them some wine and some food and let them enjoy the art like everyone else The problem was Then one got so drunk and abusive and demanded I spend some time with him, he said I was a stuck up bitch when I had to ask him to leave maybe I am :) Readers if I may...TR has one of the kindest and biggest hearts that I know of ..I say this with complete confidence as I have been on the receiving end of her non judgemental and compassionate acts...and many strays in trouble have beaten a path to her door, myself included... Even on Sunday when TR I had a quick brekkie together, she was on the phone, helping out another friend in need with sound practical advice and a offer of a cup of tea TR- your basically a marshmallow ..:) you just blew my cover! and you can come squish my marshmellow old bum any time
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have seen your posts in many,many threads saying the same thing over and over.The person who harmed you continues to do so,every moment of every day,until you forgive them they will continue to control you.They are still the most important person in your life because your anger towards them is defining you,at least on here.x R
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RHP User
13 years ago
It's very difficult to be approached in the street by charity workers seeking to solicit donations. They usually have a stand adorned with pictures of needy children and they prey on your sympathies. I am compassionate. I do care and I do feel the desire to help these children but where do you draw the line? I already have my pet charities, M.S., autism, and Down Syndrome. In just one day, I was approached to support the starving children in Africa, the Children's Hospital fund and the special Olympics just in Camden. It gets hard.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Freya13'I have seen your posts in many,many threads saying the same thing over and over.The person who harmed you continues to do so,every moment of every day,until you forgive them they will continue to control you.They are still the most important person in your life because your anger towards them is defining you,at least on here.x R no...i'm not angry at her at all...i feel sorry for her if anything....she cheated herself as well, of the life we shared. my point is tho, that you have to feel something...for the person/people for whom you are feeling compassion...if theres no 'caring emotion' that resonates within you....you'll never feel any compassion or empathy for them.... my empathy , compasssion, and support has already been extended...to those who are abused, betrayed and cheated....of love, dignity and respect.... i feel the same for those who suffer abuse at the hands of loved ones...be it physical, emotion, sexual or otherwise... i've been there myself, and worked with such victims as a way of dealing with my own hurt. its especially hardest on those who are truly innocents, and who suffered at the hands of those who shouldve been caring for them the most....
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RHP User
13 years ago
I sometimes give money to organisations like PLAN, cause I think their work is worth it and it's sort of in the line of work I'm in. This is also a tax deduction for me - so this comes back to me.I give the odd bit of change to homeless people and try not to think twice.I am usually as helpful as I can be during my work and don't think twice about this, pure instinct - this also has come back to me in beneficial ways.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hi! Hun:) I feel if ones view is yes Compassion is a dying emotion then they tend to see those around them more, so they can just back up their own view and experience of this being so.. Though I rarely think about it at all,But prefer to act on it. I'd say in My view I am a Compassionate Person. I accept People for the Wonderful Unique Individuals they are. Those who are enlightened and balanced within themselves act and feel as I do . Those unfortunate People who are critical and less compassionate haven't learned "Emotional Balance" To love themselves and feeling too affraid of what others may think of them . So they need to belittle others to give them that false feeling of acceptance..They aren't happy People..I always hope they find it .But it's ultimately their choice.. Cheers Lu :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have no compassion in business - none... It's dog eats dog in the corporate world. In my personal life I am certainly a different beast and am extremely compassionate to my loved ones and others whom I don't even know - I have had a fortunate life and I am truly blesses and if I can make someone's life a little easier or better, I am more than happy to do what I can.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Please people, do not mistake compassion and empathy for being a push over. In my life, in my work I need both but I also need a back bone of steel or I would get used up, burnt out and abused...on a daily basis. Having compassion means that you do care, you do try to make a difference but am not sucked in by every single sob story going. Those that tend to need our help the most also have a habit of only seeing it as the world against them. Never ever thier fault. Many people need a hand up...not to be mistaken as a hand out.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Freya13' The person who harmed you continues to do so,every moment of every day,until you forgive them they will continue to control you.They are still the most important person in your life because your anger towards them is defining you I hear what your sayin Freya. I don't want to go into my private life but I think some people may think I'm just some new age tryhard but I'm only sayin what works for me. My brother was murdered several years back and to top it off the cops fucked up their forensic evidence so the offenders were let free. I come from a complex culture and dealing with our laws versus mainstream law sent me over the edge. I offered my services, being the right candidate, to do these pricks in and suffer the consequences of mainstream law. I was denied permission and suffered for a few years trying to cope with a lot of hate, confusion ect ect. Emotionally and physically I was trashed and counselling didn't do much. I started reading stuff and found this awesome massage lady who was trying to untie these knots in my body. She told me exactly what was wrong with me cause she read my body...my aches. She's a freak and I couldn't hide anything, I just spilt my guts and I can't thank her enough. I know what's right, my judgement was clouded by hate and revenge. People can do whatever they want to get by but I've found stuff that works for me and I'm picky about what I believe and read. It's not new age bullshit, it's old age common sense about being honest with yourself. I don't feel hate for these guys or the police(and that's hard) cause like Freya said, I was letting it control my life...fuck that, I want to be happy. I am happy, I always was and always will be, I just let it go by letting shit take over my life. I'm no angel, I'm not preaching, don't wear fisherman pants or beads and far, far, far from perfect. I don't want people feeling sorry for me and certainly don't want people thinking I'm some clueless hippy. I'm a very private guy and didn't want to show my cards but there's method to my madness. Some people do the cruelest things to people and it's always going to be. ..Where does the change begin?
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RHP User
13 years ago
For your no nonsense reply. I suspect you may be right, this has been going on for around ten years now, with previous bf and her current bf of five months. He takes her keycard and clears out the money leaving her and her son with nothing, I just found out today that she had revealed to his ex gf that he has also injected my friend with substances while she sleeps (she has awoken to find him doing this). She has admitted to me that she knows he is evil, yet she continues to let him walk back in 'because she loves him'. I have tried to do what I can but that is only so much. She won't call the Police to get an AVO or anything, my only regret is for her 6 year old son. I am considering calling the authorities on this, but then I also feel that bloody Aussie catch 22... 'dobbing'. I know this would leave her in a world of hurt, but I don't believe she is in a state of mind to have the best interests of her child at heart. She can choose to live her life the way she wants, but her child has not chosen this, it's not fair.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Compassion really means seeing another person's suffering and understanding that your suffering is no more important than theirs.It is a trainable skill (look up "loving-kindness meditation").Expressions of compassion can be pretty brutal- like telling someone to "fuck off" when they are being a jerk. it is better than acting as an enabler for their self abusive behaviour.Compassion sometimes means having the guts to get someone to be real.
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RHP User
13 years ago
The change begins by seeing the bigger picture,sometimes it comes from the most unexpected sources. We must always think about what we are investing in the situation when we attempt to set the world right..
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RHP User
13 years ago
Think it was crackup who said anger is about sadness..Well anger can lead to sadness but is really about loss-think about it-loss of opportunity,fiendship ,intimacy ,love,money-insert here- and that can lead to sadness. Very simple one to work with. bit off the subject,but I thought it was relevant.
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RHP User
13 years ago
As Handmaiden said, sometimes if we continue to enable someone to do the wrong thing,perhaps like the situation you find yourself in with your friend saskia,it'sb ullshit compassion.It might make us feel good but it just isn't wise.Loving kindness,compassion is not about allowing someone to do whatever they want if it is harming themselves or others.What is worse,seeing a child suffer,or dobbing in a friend.Hard but think about the child.Bad things happen when good people fail to act.Good luck saskia Loved your post jahmonx R
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Saskia72'For your no nonsense reply. I suspect you may be right, this has been going on for around ten years now, with previous bf and her current bf of five months. He takes her keycard and clears out the money leaving her and her son with nothing, I just found out today that she had revealed to his ex gf that he has also injected my friend with substances while she sleeps (she has awoken to find him doing this). She has admitted to me that she knows he is evil, yet she continues to let him walk back in 'because she loves him'. I have tried to do what I can but that is only so much. She won't call the Police to get an AVO or anything, my only regret is for her 6 year old son. I am considering calling the authorities on this, but then I also feel that bloody Aussie catch 22... 'dobbing'. I know this would leave her in a world of hurt, but I don't believe she is in a state of mind to have the best interests of her child at heart. She can choose to live her life the way she wants, but her child has not chosen this, it's not fair. protect that child its up to us, in the community no matter how bloody hard it can be to bitch slap our friends and foe alike if they are not taking care of their children I have done it myself, lost a friend but saved a child
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RHP User
13 years ago
Saskia, you would definitely be doing the mother a service if you can get the child out of harm's way. You are a very strong person and you have my sympathies for having so much tragedy in your life.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I wanted to write a private message instead of putting it all out there and boring everyone to tears, but as a visitor I only have one message so can't write you both. I have had conflicting thoughts on this for some time now, I had a psychiatric nurse contact me about a year ago when friend was having a breakdown, she was specifically asking me if I was concerned for the childs welfare and I told her that I didn't think she would directly harm her child but that his upbringing left alot to be desired, well nothing came of it. But since this man has appeared things are rapidly spiralling out of control, so think that yes you are both absolutely right, I should be thinking of the wee one, and how his life can be improved. x
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RHP User
13 years ago
There is such a thing as mandatory reporting...do you know what that means? It means that you have the legal obligation to report to the authorities that a child is in harm. THIS IS NOT DOBBING How are you going to feel if that child dies and you have done nothing?
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RHP User
13 years ago
That's true Hun a work enviroment can be a Dog eat Dog situation depending what's on the line.You may crush your opponents into the ground but you'd never belittle them Personally as you do so.I'm sure even though you're a Tough Business Woman you still have Honour Ethics and Compassion with the right People even there..Cheers Lu :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hey, was just wondering how anybody gets an addiction to pot when it is not physically addictive?
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RHP User
13 years ago
While compassion mat seem hard to come by, it can be found in the worst possible places. I have spent 20 years in the U.S. military, and contrary to popular belief, we don't go in and lay waste to countries. The majority of our time is spent doing humanitarian stuff with the aid of the locals.... At the risk of their own lives for helping us. There was an instance when we first went n to Baghdad, ( stuff you don't hear on the news). Our guys got stuck in an area called 'RPG alley'. What vehicles that didn't get destroyed and everyone inside killed managed to escape the trap. These guys had to evacuate their vehicle as it was burning. They were stuck. An Iraqi family invited them in to their home and told them to wait until the enemy was gone. They were fed chicken and rice, and had a chance to clean up before they left. These people risked their lives just for inviting our guys in to their home. Needless to say just us being there wrecked their neighborhood. They didn't care as long as saddam was gone.
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boots_69
13 years ago
No I don't believe compassion is dead, however I do believe that it has become a lot less visible than it used to be.I have found that even where it used to come from me quite readily if now flows slowly and only if the situation gets through an increasing cynical armour. It is unfortunate but the world we live in is not nice and seems to be sliding fast. Perhaps we are due for a turn around soon.Fingers crossed Boots
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RHP User
13 years ago
There is such a thing as tact or some call it 'bedside manner' do you know what that is? It's hard to understand the tone of an email, but I get the impression you are chiding me (for want of a better word) Yes I have heard of mandatory reporting, actually thought it was only obligation bound if you were say a doctor, nurse, caseworker Police officer etc. Like I said she would not directly harm her son, but I don't feel he is getting the attention or care that he should be, and that makes me sad, the said bloke is also out of the picture every other week, so I also live in hope that there will come a day very soon when he is out of it completely, apparently there is a looming date in the not too distant future for him to leave to go interstate. If I can avoid wrecking their lives totally I would prefer to go with that option, then I can just help her pick up the pieces, and get some help to get their lives back on track.
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