Club Or Private Party for Newbies?

January 17 2025

I was asked a question the other day from couple, as newbies should they go to a club or party? I thought this was a really good question, and had to think about it for a moment, my first thought was go to a club, but that might not be right for everyone.

So the first thing to think about is, what is the real difference between a party and a club? there isn't much, a club is specifically designed to cater for these kinds of events, but it is going to cost you more, there is likely to be more attendees at a club than a party, but that's pretty much it, all the same rules apply.

The biggest difference I think, is that when you attend a club, you pay your money, walk through the door, and are pretty much left to your own devices, I have seen it time and again when couples seem lost in a club, not sure what to do or how to strike up a conversation, clubs do have newbie nights, a member of staff gives a group talk about safe sex and other details about the lifestyle, they do a really good job with some great information, but when the talk is over, that's it you're on your own!

The difference with a private party is that you have a host, someone you have already spoken to online, so straight away you know someone there, a good host will keep an eye on everyone attending, they will make introductions and take time to talk to you, everyone at the party is there to have fun, we've been to parties in our vanilla world, a private party is no different except you can have consensual sex with people you meet!

I think the other thing to consider is safety, yes a club is a safer option! But if you pick a party with a good host and stay away from the extreme stuff you should be pretty safe, hosts spend a lot of time screening people and if you get there and don't like what you see, walk away, so it probably comes down to your personality type, are you confident enough to walk up to strangers and strike up a conversation with strangers, or do you prefer the support of a host!

Comments

  • Apples_N_Oranges

    Apples_N_Oranges

    12 days ago

    It sounds like you are asking the question, answering it yourself and promoting your event on at the same time. Our advice to anyone/everyone is - try both! then you will truly know what you like/don’t like.

  • friendseeker

    friendseeker

    12 days ago

    Good topic. You are right there are fors and againsts with both.

    I have taken women to clubs or events and they all enjoyed the time especially finding it erotic to watch others as much as enjoy themselves. Definitely you do see couples watching and getting a feel for the situation. Ive also known couples who just played with each other in the room and thats fine too. We have been to some events where the group was a few cliques of people who stuck together. And agree its awkward starting a conversation sometimes.

    I have also been lucky to be part of private couples groups where it is invitation only and the group expands as people know others who can be trusted to fit in. Fitting in means socially able to relax like any normal party and chat. Thats often more important than joining in the sexually. Often these groups are small 3-5 couples. I did host one party with 9 couples !!! That was the funniest night ever. People laughed about it for months as everyone just got on so well.

    So my personal preference is private invite parties. But, as you say, clubs can be a good way especially if you are new and just want to explore what happens. We chatted a few times to newbie couples and emphasised the need for them to be both on the same page to be in this lifestyle.

    Going to be interesting reading more comments.

  • Primal_Curiosity

    Primal_Curiosity

    12 days ago

    Abi and I always preferred private parties. We had the most fun, best conversations, made new friends from those style of events.

    Less people but selected for a purpose. You know the theme or premise behind the set up beforehand and the host(s) is(are) usually on hand to manage and influence when needed.

    And yes, the fact that there was a deeper layer of vetting involved probably gave us the confidence to be ourselves more and let our guard down.

    We don’t do clubs anymore because we felt them to be more about the preening / look at me crowd which isn’t our vibe.

  • MrandMrsEss

    MrandMrsEss

    12 days ago

    They all have advantages and Disadvantages. Mrs S feels more pressure to perform when the number of people is lower, we had a nice party with 3 couples but she wasn't interested in one of the guys and it made things really awkward. We have been to OSS once and enjoyed the experience but did find it hard to connect with anyone and just enjoyed playing on our own. We have been to a party with around 10 couples which separated into a few cliques and again we ended up mostly playing on our own. We really enjoy the dance parties where we can just let loose and enjoy the music but it's not the best place for connecting. Each experience we have we come away with some positives and are feeling more comfortable about trying the next one.
    Which one first would be up to the individual but for us a bigger party meant we were able to just blend in and ease into things without feeling pressure.

  • vivdamien

    vivdamien

    7 days ago

    Mrs and I have been to OSS & Fun 4 Two many times. Each time has been different and has allowed us to get comfortable in different scenarios. Even a Pendulum night at OSS was epic. Mostly been fun but sometimes it just hasn’t kicked on.

    We don’t swap but loving connecting with other couples and having conversations.

    We’re still newbies in a sense..but we prefer parties. Good music, laid back and no pressure atmosphere, drinks, everyone relaxed and sexed up and dressed as sexual or laid back or next to nothing…it’s a more real environment than a conventional night out.

    We love playing in the same room with other couples and have no problems with others swapping. We love playing with each other and turning other couples on by them watching us. And it’s a turn on watching others. No awkwardness. We have so much energy and passion and not shy of being watched and other men or women masturbating or having sex in while watching us.

    We’re still to experience a private party, but love to attend a private get together. Having a host to keep an eye on proceedings and making sure everyone is safe and having a good time is great but we definitely don’t need to babysat.