F48
But we are still friends...
March 29 2010
Comments
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RHP User
16 years ago
I split with my first love after 13 years. It didn't end badly, but it was very sad. We tried to make it work but in the end were two people who cared for each other very much, just had no passion for each other. We are now great friends, 18 months later. We've worked hard to stay friends. It hasn't been easy and there is a lot of water under the bridge for us but it has most definitely been worth it. There are no kids involved, which of course makes it easier. I plan to have him as a friend for life.It was very hard to explain things to friends and family, especially when they couldn't even understand why we split in the first place. Even now, some people don't get it and think we should just cut all ties and move on. It makes me laugh, what business is it of theirs and why would they want us to give up a friendship? Good friends can be hard enough to find and my ex and I put in a lot of years to get to where we are now. I'm very proud of us.It gets even better. My current partner, the most amazing man, knows all about my ex, our friendship etc. And he's completely ok with all of it. I feel blessed.Kudos to you focus, don't let the knockers bother you :)lilmiss x
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RHP User
16 years ago
Same, same for me and my ex, focusliason. My wife and i were together for 11 years and 3 children. Despite the natural emotions of breaking up and indeed the various "cycles of hate" which resulted from leaving the marriage, we still have an amazing level of friendship, respect and mutual appreciation for each other. The circumstances of our situation were not about not liking one another, nor infidelity, deceit, anger or harm - rather from a place of knowing that despite the life we had built, it wasn't providing the level of growth and happiness needed. It was like eating a really nice dinner, but all the while knowing that no matter how nice that dinner is - and will always be - you know its not the complete meal ( that might not make sense - but i know what i mean! lol) We separated just over a year ago and we are still the best of friends (albeit, a little strained at times which is to be expected) - its been hard, especially for my ex but both of us know that no matter what happens the essence of our connection is based in genuine understanding and fondness for each other - not because we have kids, but because of the people we saw in each other when we met. We still talk and involve each other in our lives (as well as jointly as parents). I feel very lucky and grateful for this. So many people can't understand how we can still be such good friends and indeed my ex especially has had many of her friends advise her to cut off because they can't fathom it. I personally think that the explanation comes form the fact that most relationships end because of anger, hurt, betrayal etc which generates an = and greater reaction form the other party which then turns bitter and the cycle repeats - and therefore there can be no friendship afterwards. I have always believed that the end of a relationship says as much about each other as the beginning of one. I say good on you (and your ex) and if people cant understand it then don't try to explain it - if they are friends then they should just be happy for you that what you have works or you both. 2b :)
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RHP User
16 years ago
it's like you're telling my story, minus the kids! Awesome to hear you and your ex, and also you focus, are handling difficult things with grace :)lilmiss x
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RHP User
16 years ago
How can you spend that much time together, and not have anything in common? The ex, mother of my children, get on better now than we ever did when we were together. It has coursed problems with respective partners since then that think it is an unhealthy relationship. Life is to short to be bitter.We just couldn't live together. Don't worry about what other people think. Good on both of you and good luck.
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RHP User
16 years ago
You must have snuck in before i got to slick post. More like "Your Story" - minus the kids AND minus your current man lol :) .... but thank you for your words. Indeed congrats to you and yours - I totally agree, good friends are way too scarce to let go - just because its easy - but its got to be valued by both parties. Guess it shows that friendships can survive relationships after all - heres 3 straight up!! Mutual Appreciation Society memberships to you and focus are in the mail :) lol. 2b :) PS Who's Grace...and what's she got to do with anything? You're not trying to start a rumour are you? ;)
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RHP User
16 years ago
Am glad to see we arent the only ones out there that have done and continue to do this. I guess because of the way it ended there are some in my life that just cant fathom it and I dont condone what happened but I do know why it happened. Thanks 2b and lilmiss for sharing your storys too doesnt make me feel so weird about things. And congrats on being able to grow and learn from your experiences this is what life should be about.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Well done focus! I had a bitter split with my ex...Cheating doesn't get my vote. But I ..through a lil time forgave him. And he forgave me for divorcing him...geezzz took him longer to forgive me..lmao. My ex's love for his son showed him the way..Nothing like a child who can speak his mind and show an adult whom they love where they are going wrong. We are now wonderful friends and I am also friends with his now girlfriend..we all share a common bond..The love of my son. We are all able to talk as a family, have each other in our homes for stay overs, dinners, parties, shopping, festivals. My ex even called me during school hours to ask if we were all ok after the Perth storms which had made news in Japan. People can be friends after a relationship..we here that have posted are proof of that. People who split beacuse of bad reasons...Well you can change and grow..And sorry can go a long way. huggies sweetpetite41xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
I just want to add... I am often asked if I would go back to my ex as those who have spoken to me can feel that I still love him. I love him now as my friend, supporter who knows me better than my own family. We were together lil over 10 yrs. So yes...He will always have a special place in my heart..Just not sexually.. huggies sweetpetite41xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
I split now divorced from my ex- wife some 5 years ago and we were married for 8 years. We get along just fine in fact we get along extremely well but that is most likely because I have put in an enormous effort to become good friends with her now partner. The down side is she doesn’t get along my partner at all and that does make it hard at times. We try to do things together with the kids but it does get uncomfortable at times but it’s not about us in those circumstances. As for the personal feelings side of it ..Yes she still hold a place in my heart as the mother of my children and all the things we shared together ..Would I go BACK simple answer NO ...
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RHP User
16 years ago
focus, lilmiss, smilingASSASSIN, 2b and sweetpetite....you are all an insperation (yeah i know i cant spell lol) you are all wonderful parents and people, it must be great to see your ex and not have thoughts of violence...i am in ore of you all me personally, hate my ex and get upset everytime there is a motorcycle accident, when i realise its not him he lives to piss me off and i live to break him hehehe... roxxy xxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'geturroxyoff' focus, lilmiss, smilingASSASSIN, 2b and sweetpetite....you are all an insperation (yeah i know i cant spell lol) you are all wonderful parents and people, it must be great to see your ex and not have thoughts of violence...i am in ore of you all me personally, hate my ex and get upset everytime there is a motorcycle accident, when i realise its not him he lives to piss me off and i live to break him hehehe... roxxy xxx Thanks for that Roxy. I hurt for you knowing that your situation is not optimal. I empathise with it having watched a loved one go through it. Higs Focus
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RHP User
16 years ago
i would love to have what you all have...wowwow included sorry you come up after i posted the last post xx....but somethings that happen can not be forgiven like taking my children and not bringing them back for 5 weeks...just because his new wife wants kids and he doesnt...so he took mine to show her what it would be like to have kids.... like not putting in his tax for 5 years cause he doesnt want to pay extra for his children...cant wait for that one to bite him hehehe dont worry there is a lot lot more that i could tell about him hahaha we were together for 10 years and have been apart for 5...i do wish we could get along but we just cant.... so yeah i am very impressed that you can all do that...id love to give that to my kids, have them see mum and dad and the wife getting along...but somethings just are not possible lol roxxy xxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Im mates with almost all my ex's....hence why I have more male friends than femme....hmm...interesting. Anyhoooo, Roxxy, I got me one of those too. BUT ya just gotta have faith in Karma....either that or a good hitman....JOKING I would never condone taking such extreme action..mainly as I wouldnt spend a cent on a such a worthless project. Might I remind each and everyone of you ladies, with the evidence presented before us, that you are all wonderfully insightful, intelligent strong women! To be human is to phuck up ocassionally... Myname...outta here b4 someone calls the feds...loL
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RHP User
16 years ago
bahahahahahahahahahahahahawere together 15 yrs, she lives round the corner and we see each otheralmost daily. sometimes its good, sometimes its bad. she cooks for me now and then.i have bub at all sorts of odd hours and always there for them. tried to get on with the27 yr old boyfriend but he split as i was there all the time at her request.seriously, the guy had little girly hands and couldn't build or fix anythingeven after i tried to train him. wanted that one to work so she would let MEmove on. shit its just like we together only now i pay rent, a mortgage,child support and she gets to fuck who eva she likes. i must stay celibateuntill such time she feels fit to let me go. been 2 and 1/2 yrs now.aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhdo still have feelings for her though at times they are very mixed.ahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahagotta laughahahahahaahahahaahahahaahahhahahahahahahahaEarl
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RHP User
16 years ago
Earl...under that beard is a big softy i reckon! I was wondering, there seems to be a common thread with the ladies and guys i guess that once the initial spark is gone its all over red rover.Now i always thought thats the way relationships naturally went the initial lust/passion, that changes into a real pair bonding.If thats the case, it would seem reasonable to have maybe four or five Ltr's or Marriages in a lifetime.Now seeing as i will have been married for 25 years this May and seeing as i no longer feel that initial lust passion....should i be on ma bike and off looking for new passion/lust? ( i should say that she still rocks my boat though)But seriously no ....as a long term couple, you reach a deeper plane, its that pair bonding, mateship, and outright teamwork and support for each other.Are other couples not reaching that place or just want that short term passion/lust...and not so interested in the longer term benefits?Cheers Nev
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RHP User
16 years ago
awesome feed back everyone some good home truths out there for me ive been in 3 serious relationships the first left me so that was all good ya know u get over these things,i would never go back there but yup we are still friends she works for tax department so good for me when i need some money back lol. the second was mother to 2 off my kids .i know there i fell out of love way before it ended and felt obliged to stay because we had kids thinking it was doing the right thing . she was just raised with different standards i guess and felt i owed her more than i gave but truth is i was ready to leave 6 yrs before we broke up and told her so but she wasnt ready so like a loveable gentleman i am i waited til the day she was ready and left that day,i think she expected me to come back ,would i never ,the only way to stop her being a bitch was to cut all ties so i havent spoke with her for yrs best thing i ever did im not angry with her or say bad things about her,but i do find there are some people that you need to let go off and she was one of them. the last relationship which ended recently has def been the best and the hardest she is a beautiful person inside herself and out,this was a woman i would kill for,and die for and you dont get too many like that,i think the intentcity of our relationship has been over the yrs absoultely amazing never had i felt this for a woman before,not only that but she was the same way as well , but like all normal people she has her issues,and it was unfortunate i had to break up with her this wasnt a five minute decision but i felt if i never did she would never get the help for herself she needs ,plus i would never have sex again( which isnt everything i know)but to have someone you love so much and cant even touch is a hard one to live with ,i have never seen any reason to not be nice to her she still lives at my house as we have a child togeather and cant quite support herself just yet. we talk almost evryday so i guess its not too much different to how it was when we were togeather only the status of us being in a relationship has changed . would i go back yes for so many reasons most of all i would love to grow old with her,unfortunitly i would only go back if she got herself the help she really needs. i hope if she remains the way she is now tho that we are always best of friends for ever ever
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RHP User
16 years ago
you people are just great....earl you are a beautiful man xx myname i have faith in karma...it will bite one day lol a dark gentleman i hope everything works out for you and your ex roxxy xxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Earl...just beautiful! Oh and dark, nice pic....about time u showed us some skin...lol Roxxy: nice sharp bite...love em! (Im talking sensually now) But yeah, Karma....nice to know we have an ally 'all loved up' myname xx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Saint Earl.ahahahahahahahahahahahahaPatron saint of suckers....ahahahashahahahahahahahahahahaEarl aka the saint
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RHP User
16 years ago
All of you are fabulous and have helped me work through this so much. Thank you all so much. Earl - you are an absolute honey and a gentleman too boot. Nev - guess we just grew up and apart from eachother by the end we were looking for different things in our lives and there are some irreconcilable differences as well A dark gentleman - heres hoping things work out for the best for you and your ex. Help and issues were definately a factor for my break up (both him and me) but would I go back? NO. sad to say I know but I also know that I have a friend for life in him but it just isnt healthy for either of us to be together anymore. My name and roxy - gotta love karma!!!!!!! You too inspire me so much. Kisses to all the beautiful people here. Focus xxx
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