M39
Building Trust in BDSM
November 18 2018
I was introduced to the scene 4 years ago on the basis your role as a Dom is firstly to build trust and earn the right for your sub to let you dominate them.
Does anyone have alternate views purely as a learning exercise for me? No right or wrong answers, opinions are valued here.
Thanks in advance.
Jason.
- Posted from rhpmobile
Comments
RHP User
6 years ago
I had always believed it was mainly for the pleasure of the Dom but then experienced a few things as a sub and realised how enjoyable it was
I also have 2 close friends in a Dom/sub relationship and that is as you have said..... built on trust and respect as well as mutual enjoyment
I have also seen instances ...and experienced times ..... where there is humiliation and degradation inflicted on the sub and I don’t agree with that ... as you say you need to earn the right..... it’s a privilege to have another willingly submit to you .
AnnieWhichway
6 years ago
There are wannabes and pretenders.
I've been approached by wannabe doms. They think they can walk straight into the role by enlisting a sub and putting their own spin on the role.
I haven't had a tonne of experience but enough to be aware.
The sub is indirectly in control of the dom and the situation. The dom is responsible for his subs welfare and will and must, listen and be aware of the subs needs not just physically but very much mentally.
Of course like in everything else, there are good ones and bad ones.
A dom must learn how to become one.RHP User
6 years ago
Submission
You are right in believing it’s about trust and building the connection together. Don’t change that view.
Anyone can slap an ass or muck around with toys and be a bossy boots asshole.
Only a select few have the intelligence and maturity to become the Dom by learning and being patient and building the connection and trust.
So much more erotic and enjoyable then.
I won’t “play” with someone who wants to “try” to be a Dom, there much at stake, especially some of the hardcore play. Safety and respect is paramount.
Unfortunately most wannabe Doms just want rough sex.
Submission is giving over to a higher power. Wanting to give herself to a Dom she deems worthy. I have tried to “role play” with vanilla men. It just doesn’t work.
Most don’t understand nor wish to.
Most of the pleasure comes from the connection and building the connection then when she chooses to submit, she will give herself fully.
A Doms most prized possession.
Knowing that he has fulfilled his role for her to yearn and pleasure him above all others. 🥰😈🔥
aussian43
6 years ago
My experience has been both sides should be getting something out of the exchange. But there needs to be a level of trust for it to work.
Something as simple as pulling out the rope for restraint has risks including nerve damage, circulatory issues, dislocated or broken joints, so you would want to trust the dom knows what he is doing.
And also trust he will not violate any limits while helpless and restrained (possibly gagged and blindfolded), trust he won't discard the condom, or decide he wants to try anal.
In my case I have the trust of a lovely lady, we often do impact play, wax play, rope. Even recently some electro play. It took time for the trust and confidence to build up to the level to do some of that.
ImpressMeTemptMe
6 years ago
Trust and connection must be built and kept using proper communication.
There is being a Dom/me and there is one that believes they are a Dom/me.
A Dominant will (generally) make sure Their submissive receives pleasure too. This depends on the scene/limits/negotiations/etc.
Also from the submissives point of view: Their pleasure is also in the giving to their Dom/me and Them taking what They want/need/desire/being used/etc from the submissive.
An exchange of power.
My point of view: One does not mistreat nor break Their precious toy(s), but make sure they are well taken care of to use again. ;)
~Miss T
tamworthguy46
6 years ago
People are complicated, so lots of things mean different things to different people , A submissive Girl, who was incidentally much younger than me in affect taught me so much.To her being submissive was about being in control of a situation that she once was not. I believe I understood her needs,when you both understand each other things just naturally progressYou have to let the Sub teach you, and be open to learning, otherwise no one is going to get fulfilled.To inflict pain and suffering upon someone for the hell of it would be s&m or torture,a bit dark for most people
tamworthguy46
6 years ago
Also, Actions without reason or some sort of Psychological connection, is probably Role Play !
madotara69
6 years ago
Different way of putting it, From my understanding the BDSM folk have a passion in common, a community and culture in spirit, a way of lifestyle to belong. The BDSM community are cautious and discreet, respectful of each and other. One cannot simply just be a dom within the lifestyle where the most intimate nature of people are so very important, unconditional.
By my understanding, it's difficult to do so.
As put, Dom's all for their own pleasure, leaving the sub hanging ?
Your username advertising as a dom ?
Even putting the question with your idea for what a dom/sub relationship should be ?
What 'scene' where you introduced, six years ago ?
Mado
Mado Tara xxRHP User
6 years ago
Hi Mado.
I was introduced after an encounter with a girl who asked me about being more aggressive and controlling with her. We discussed it and I took to it very well. We experimented a lot and I began to favour this over vanilla play.
As I evolved I began to look exclusively for people into bdsm to learn more about the psychological side and that led to meeting more doms, attending kink events and parties and shibari classes.
As I've continued my education I remain in this community because I enjoy being someone who can take a person to a different plane and that's where my satisfaction is achieved.
Having only been in this for 4 years and continually experiencing new requests and hearing more stories I acknowledge that some people have different ideas and goals. I may not necessarily agree with them but understanding them can only further my ongoing education.madotara69
6 years ago
Thank you Jason .
RHP User
6 years ago
Jason_The_Dom
"I may not necessarily agree with them but understanding them can only further my ongoing education."
That Statement right there is effectively how I put BDSM to a person learning or when one struggles to understand within the lifestyle, mis-interpretation is mostly in my experience within Bdsm how P/people hurt or get hurt. That said... BDSM is how one interprets said lifestyle and the kinks/fetishes within it.
The way I put it to Someone is like this;
1 Keep an open mind ( and by open I mean very open, ) try and stay out of the box! ( unless they want to get in the box. ;) )
2 Try not to put the blinkers on ( like a horse on a race track, ) always keep ones eyes wide open. ( unless one needs to close their eyes, in that case hold on tight and take a very deep breath. :@ )
If one closes their mind and retreats back in the box, or puts the blinkers on and closes their eyes off... to what they are seeing around them within the lifestyle, they will fail to understand and or interpret how BDSM is what BDSM is!
For example; one may hear and learn what hook suspension is and think "oh f@#k that I'm not doing that!"... some people have closed their minds off to the idea of suspension, ( see what I did there... left off a particular word, ) now upon hearing the word suspension immediately retreat to the box. What they may not realize or know is that this other person may be talking about rope suspension, and by closing their mind off to the idea of suspension may fail to interpret the differences and understand they could possibly like it. Or perhaps later down their journey they might come to like hook suspension, ( take a deep breath when reading up about it for those of you who don't know what it is. ;) )
Another piece of advice I regularly give out, is "Take it Slow", ones journey can have a tendancy to move faster and faster. Dom/sub Frenzy can have detrimental effects on ones life.
J_of_Eros
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