Bi guy but my GF doesn't know

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I would suggest you start by communicating with her, a planned 'spontaneous' playdate could go all sorts of pear shaped , one such way would be that she feels pressured to be part of it and then resent you afterwards . Another is she could lose her shit right then and there and you inadvertently drop the third or more people into a situation that is very uncomfortable. I'm sure the experienced couples will tell you that setting boundaries and discussing comfort zones prior to group play can be paramount in the survival of your relationship. A surprise attack with something so personal is not the way to go , so I suggest you man up a bit and start the conversation , you may be pleasantly surprised with her ideas on it.

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  Zsuza69

  13 years ago

  So I take it she doesn't know your on rhp? I would say talk to her openly about having more regular meets like the one random one you had. She obviously likes the idea of a threesome maybe she will surprise you and be very open to the idea. Your bi sexual side well she is bi so again talk to her along the lines of a mmf threesome or foursome with a bi guy involved. Tell her your curious about being with another guy with her and what would she think if you played with another guy with her. She may well like the idea I know a few women like to watch two guys the same as you like watching two girls. Openness is the real key to swinging. If you spring it on her one night without talking to her first might be the wrong way to go about it. Get her involved in the process and you never know she may have the same thoughts as you but not sure how to bring it up.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  So you are Bi and want to introduce your partner to some of the fun things you want to do. Do you practise safe sex? especiallyif you are going the anal thing?   I would recommend you bring it up as part of sex play fantasy discussion. You could chat about it pre or post or during... Have you even partly canvassed this? She may feel happy for this as part of the whole experience. Do you know her feelings regarding gay/lesbian sex?   Talk to her....   Mke

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I'd suggest not to spring it on her, talk to her. She seems already open. Maybe bring it up while your being sexy and fun with each other - dirty talk your fantasy in her ear - be creative, turn her on, build her up to want it - might take a few sessions until you know it's the right time to suggest to act on it. Better I think than either just discussing it around the dinner table or going for a meet straight up - that feels like no-foreplay sex to me ....Cassandra xx

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Um so I'm not quite sure what you're asking here. Are you wanting to come out to your girlfriend or are you not wanting to come out directly, you would just rather organise a meet through here involving another bi male in some form and let her find out for herself that you're bi when it happens?

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I find your forum tag line quite contradictory Ok your Bi – that’s cool…. But your g/f doesn’t know……???? This is a huge issue already and one that I think you need to address asap – cause bottom line (no pun intended) the lady may have some real issues with that…- and yes you will be judged by her..that is life…we all come from our own perspectives and this could be something that she is not comfortable with at all …and she definitely has a rite to know especially if safe sex is not being practiced… so to me, there’s your first real issue….…..honest and open communication is the key here. You can’t gently lead a person into an open relationship - they are either in or out with it all ….and again you need to chat with her about your wants desires and needs, listen to hers and see if there is mutual ground….if she’s interested then go for it and enjoy the journey, if she’s not..respect that….long term she may not be the girl for you to go down this path with …., but again if you care for her, respect her and where her head is at on this matter. The last thing I believe you should be doing rite now is trying to find potential partners on here and doing the whole surprise thing (just because she was into once does not mean she’s into it again – you really need to talk about this ) – as other posters have pointed out, you have no rite to involve others in your domestic situation until you figure out your whole domestic situation yourself, including where you’re really at in this relationship

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  @ DontGrabThat ... LoL!...Now I'm sure I've heard that somewhere before ... Too, @ James ... you'll also know if she's not into it too.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I'm feeling sorry for you. You seem to have three choices.Come out to your Gf and risk screwing up your relationship.Deny yourself in order to remain true to your girlfriend.Screw around behind her back.In the long run only you can decide what's most important to you.Rarely does one get to have their cake and eat it to.Good luck.Cheers Felonious

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  a tricky situation James,I am assuming that she does not know you are on this site.A ''spontaneous" meet with a couple from here would, I am sure be rather a shock. If I were you I would go back to square one,talk to her about your sexuality before you do anything else.If she is bi herself then I don't really understand why you haven't discussed it before,so perhaps she isn't. As others have said,open communication is the key,and good luck. If you have found someone you love and who loves you then I am sure you can work through this .

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  You should have already explained to her your bi side and love of open relationships. Mees saying this as you refer to her as your girlfriend which suggests to me that this is quite a new relationship (I may be wrong so please forgive).   I know what I want at my age and I want that in any prospective partner.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Interesting forum topic James !explains a lot! Now I understand ! regards Cutiepuss xxx

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I agree with the above posters who a) caution against any kind of unannounced "suprise party" and b) who advocate honest, clear communication. There's a remote possibility that the surprise approach could work, but more likely it'll be a disaster. Take it from one who's taken a gamble or two in love -- and lost. Not worth the risk.   While being deceitful, passive and manipulating about it could harm your relationship, at the same time, being honest, trusting and transparent about it could be really beneficial to your relationship. Like MsVelvetblue cautioned, there's a chance she'll be really disgusted and it'll be a dealbreaker. But I think it's a slim chance. Even slimmer than the surprise bi orgy working out well for you, and that's pretty slim. Especially since she went to town with the bi MFF. She seems unlikely to start preaching homophobic fire and brimstone at you, but there are a lot of double standards out there. The question you're best qualified to answer is - are you in love with one of them? Or are you in love with a reasonable woman who will have a discussion, try to understand, and work out some kind of middle ground?   As far as I'm concerned, you telling her you're bi and you asking for an open relationship are two separate issues and should be done separately, possibly months or years apart. IF she's okay with the fact that you're bi and IF she's keen on the idea of playing with you and another bi guy at once, for heaven's sake, start with that! That's more than a lot of people have, especially since you have her love to bask in at the end of the day. If it's play as a couple with another man, that's far more likely to be appealing to her than you just having free reign to go off and schtick any man and/or woman who takes your fancy. Baby steps mate and don't be greedy.   I've only ever had one straight gf. When I told her I was bi she wasn't thrilled with the news, but mostly because she already felt not good enough in and of herself. It was very little to do with me, it was just how she had been wired over her life. She already knew to be on the lookout for other women who might steal me away from her. Then, with one fowl swoop, she had to lookout for men as well! She was convinced that I would "rather" be with a man, and it took a hell of a lot of reassuring before she believed that I was happy loving her, but there was another part to my sexuality.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Hi there, Does your gf even know you are on this site? By the sound of it she doesn't. So if she doesn't know you actually have two secrets to address. My ex and i of 6 yrs split from swingers. I am a one person girl where as he wanted to swing with couples. When i tried it with a few different couples and said i didn't enjoy it and didn't want to do it anymore he told me we just needed to lose weight, we just needed better looking couples. He pushed and pushed and pushed. I guess what im trying to say is that 1) you need to be open and honest with her. Talk to her straight up. She may not like it, she may love it. 2) if she is willing to try it but doesn't like it, are you willing to drop the subject and not push her further (this is what split my partner and i up) I tried, said no, he pushed to continue it. Dont get her to try it if your not willing to give up your bi side if she doesn't like it after she has tried it just for you. 3) if she isn't interested you need to decide if she is really for you, you need to decide if you don't need another guy in your life at some stage to fulfill your urges of being bi. She may even surprise you and decide she absolutely loves the idea of it. You could be a match made in heaven and you have been too scared all this time when she could actually be craving that sort of thing but is too scared to ask you about trying it. Its not fair to lie or deceive anyone. But if that's who you are, then that's your choice. Hopefully one day it wont come back at you and bite you in the ass.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Just an update Cutiepuss - Circumstance changed over the last couple of weeks only so hope it hasn't been taken the wrong way?? Can't help fate - not sure you were after anyhting serious.   James xo

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Hi im not bi-gay some time think love to try love to se what happen love to find nice couples or gay to play nerves I'm think not dig dell haw sex with gay some fun nothing wrong long time lock for someone to Play

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