M50
Being single and alone after a long relationship
March 13 2010
Comments
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RHP User
16 years ago
My LTR ended late last year. Took a couple of months for it to stop hurting and to stop grieivng. The weather got warmer, and whoosh, libido came charging like a bull to a red flag. Joined RHP. Have been using random sex with strangers to help fill some of the void, coupled with much going out with friends and spending time on me.I miss intimacy an awful lot, the kind you really only get with a partner who knows you well... and I've got no advice on how to handle that. I just keep myself really busy.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Being single and alone gave me the time to examine who and what I am and..more importantly what I want out of a relationship. The flow on effect being a whole new appreciation for intimacy and all that entails. Anyone can get laid...random sexual encounters serve their purpose and fulfill our base instincts however nothing beats the real deal...holding out for a 'connection' is worth spending the odd saturday night alone watching dvd's. Tips that helped me avoid the traps of compromising my standards 1. Meeting (some) men from rhp (lol) 2. Spending time with my family and mates 3. Indulging in my other 'loves' Best of luck in finding whatever it is you seek! Anna xx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hey Sirneeds , i have been single now for awhile..i am enjoying my space..We all need the closeness in a relationship and contact but you have to be happy ..Use the time man to enjoy life everything else will fall into place..
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RHP User
16 years ago
His i hear where your coming form..depending how long your relationship and what it was like mine was decadescan take some time to get over the hurt n pain it takes time something that cant be rushed...ive tried.lokeeping busy with my kids and doing what i like helps at times..all my friends n family live in an other state doesn't helpeither ..i wouldn't look on here for the things we want eg intimacy and all that goes with it from a fwb ..they just bolt,because some will think that one needs to be in love..well i don't..but that's just me.So have a positive attitude as you will need it to get ya through i know it wont be easy at times..but we'll get there.xoxoxheymummawish you all the best
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RHP User
16 years ago
My LTR finished some time ago.. I was then single by choice for some time..... then found I just filled space to have the intimacy that I was definately craving and still crave ... I wasnt interested in the jump from one man to another and still aren't .. in all honesty that actually made me feel the lack of intmacy more than before... It left me with a feeling of emptiness... Thankfully after a while I found the best FWB who was im a similar situation and we were 'freinds' for over a year and now some time later are still really close as true friends ... a win win for us both :) Now I dont have a FWB ... and not really interested in one off dalliances etc... so its even worse !! Sure we can go out with friends and have a blast... but at the end of the night when I come home .. its the intimacy I want .. god I crave it ...... Its what I want.... what I need.. To all seeking the same.. good luck .... maybe we should all get together .. who knows what might happen ;-) Sassy xxxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
I hadn't had a LTR for a long time then last year I fell in love. It didn't work out and after that albeit short relationship, the loneliness got worse than it has ever been. I have a life, a damn good one,family, friends, colleagues, music and yet I still miss intimacy. As others have said, having someone to cuddle up with, to talk to at the end of the day, come home with after a night out dancing and partying. Sure we can go out with friends and have a blast... but at the end of the night when I come home .. its the intimacy I want .. god I crave it ...... Its what I want.... what I need..I survive by acknowledging, at least to myself, what's going for me. I talk to friends, and as yourname says, I do the other things I love. Occasionally I have NSA sex but that gets less frequent as I have realised, for me, it creates a greater sense of emptiness. When I really need hugs, I visit family cos I have an angel in my family who loves giving hugs as much as I enjoy receiving them. Good luck for the futureGypsy
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RHP User
16 years ago
I have always enjoyed my times of solitude and my own company, never had needed lots of people around to entertain me.You learn to appreciate the value of true friendship, family and yourself.There are many fun things you can do byself (beside the obvious....lol) * eat dim sims in the car and not care if they smell like old farts * have the volume up as loud as you want on the tele or radio * eat when you are hungry, not just at 'mealtimes'. * see whatever movie you want to see, even at 10 in the morning. * wear what you want, because you like it.just to name a few.....lolOne of the many things I have realised being on this site is the massive gap between sex and intimacy....I totally agree there is a yearning for the hugs and cuddles when life deals a hard blow. Someone to talk with after a crappy day, to know there is a warm place next to you when you reach out in the night, a heartbeat to feel and spoon through lifes ups and downs.Someone to say a simple "I love you", it does wonders for the soul.There is nothing I love more than the touch and feel of skin on skin, all the fun things and sensations that brings, however,I would rather be enjoying life to the full by myself than in a bad relationship void of intimacy...... a few hugs 'n cuddles along the way wouldnt go astray though guys!a reflective intrigued & curious4pm 14.03.10
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RHP User
16 years ago
Spontaneous intimacy is what I miss. It all has to be arranged and planned now. It's still good but doesn't beat the "let's pull over here on the side of the road and go for it". Or those little looks that you give your partner when you're out with friends or just out together.... the look that says "I wanna fuck your brains out. Let's get out of here". Sweet... and a bit lonely at times
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RHP User
16 years ago
a freudian slip i hope...giggles...mate...i just went manic for 9 months...built a house as well as worked a job...but that was me...needed time to think, time to heal, time to be myself...and every day your outlook changes...i first got on this site with the wrong outlook...oh, so wrong, let me tell you...once i took hold of myself and gave myself a good slap and got back down to my inner values...i was able to discover friends who thought like me...well similar perhaps...but that intimacy you so desire...maybe you will find it on here...just remember to be patient...and if ya true to yaself, you will find what you seek...btw i am slowly finding it...and it is very, very nice indeedcheersjose...
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RHP User
16 years ago
As a couple who have now been together over half our lives we enjoy our special intimate times, all be it just a touch of the hands, a simple kiss or even a phone call to say "I love you". Over the years we have said at various times that this intimacy is one of the things we would miss if we were ever to go our own ways. So hugs and cuddles to all those missing those special moments and may you all find someone special to share those times and moments with.. Mr&Mrs Av.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Rsvp is thata way -------------------------> But on a serious note I throw myself into video games, going out with friends and meeting girls, reading, more video games and porn. Oh, and posting on rhp. Missing the spooning though....and the hugs......and stroking her hair while we watch TV......and the look on her face when I cook something new..........drawing on her back as she falls asleep.......showing each other the books we are buying when in line at Borders.........waking up in the middle of the night, rolling over for a cuddle.....no I'm fine, really......sharing a laugh......saying I love you.......... Random *sniff*
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RHP User
16 years ago
Over a year ago now I ended a very loving but not nice relationship.For me its taken the past year to forget the night we broke up OMG.My body was telling me both mentally and physically to stay away from any sort of emotional pain,so I did.That relationship sure has scared me for the rest of my life.But i now know what i don't want and am all that much happier for it. I've always had this big gap in my life which has yet to be filled,i can always count on my family and friends for support(hugs,talks). I must say i miss everything to do with intimacy(the kissing,having someone beside you every night ready to spoon you,the gentle caress when holding each other. sexyme21
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RHP User
16 years ago
I am grateful for the longing that I have felt when alone....to feel my heart ache for what it really wants. The longing has made me wait, made me sure and opened my eyes......to myself. So I guess, single and alone for me has been a blessing. Jx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hi 'Sir'Really great question - and a reminder that even though lots of people say this is a 'sex site' we're all people who love to love, and be loved in various ways.I don't think there's a 'right' way to handle being on your own after a long relationship. Maybe just do what FEELS right and listen to your gut instinct all the way. If you feel like you're cheating yourself, settling for less, cheating someone else, avoiding what you really want for what's right in front of you etc, maybe don't do it. But only you can know. Also, if it feels great and is kind to you and others, do it! There's no rule that says happiness can't sneak up and surprise you when you least expect it, so if it does, grab it I say!Lots of good advice from the peeps in this thread - helpful for me too. I finished a 13 year relationship and was gutted. Not that it was over, but that I didn't know who I was without that life. I found RHP and most definitely didn't use it as a sex site. I chatted with people, made friends, experimented with exhibitionism and voyuerism in the chat rooms, asked a lot of questions, learnt LOTS and finally got my mojo back. And along the way, met the love of my life on here, which was completely unexpected. The one thing I did that really worked for me was to take things on RHP very very slowly.I love the comments about how good it can feel to be on your own and I agree. It's a great time to think about what really matters to you and to learn that you can actually cope alone. That means that if you do find a partner, there's more chance that you're with them because you really want to be, rather than to fill a hole (pardon the pun!)JMOlilmiss x
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RHP User
16 years ago
Just over 3 years ago I had a 16 year marriage ended on me by a person who I was in love with from the first time we went out. Needless to say I was devastated, my whole world fell apart. I can say that It took me well over 2 years to get over the feeling of loss and grief. When I did get over the end of my marriage I was able to find the real me, the me that I was at the start of the relationship. I was amazed at how much I had been changed by marriage. I found that I had become a different person in the relationship, its hard to explain, but I felt that I was a different person, with different values, with different things that I was willing to put up with in the marriage, for the sake of the marriage, that I would not put up with now. I am now ok with being alone. Dont get me wrong, I would love to find that connection again. To be able to feel so comfortable and trusting of someone again is a feeling that I think we all crave. I know that i will find someone but in the mean time I am enjoying being single. Free44
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RHP User
16 years ago
oh random...come lay your poor little head in my bigb...oh sorry forgot ... being alone only puts perspective on your life, shows you what you need rather than want, what your really holding out for but can try before you buy if you keep what your looking for in mind, teaches you more about yourself than what you'd find out in a relationship because your to busy trying not to step on their toes as well. Grab a chance chemistry loaded encounter if you feel like it, or if your not ready dont, its up to you. just remember who you are, what you want and stick to it, dont go changing for anybody, it lonly makes life lonely later on. xxxx alli xxxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hi all, After reading the posts here on this topic, it shows one thing.......We are all here because we are missing something in our lives. We can call it whatever we like.....but at some stage in our lives we will be alone and it is how we handle this time will show our strengths and weaknesses. I’ve found mine....... My strengths are that I can handle whatever life hits me with...the good and the bad..... My weakness is another story... I need contact with the opposite sex.... If it’s a FWB..... A one night stand..... A casual encounter every now and then..... A girlfriend....... ETC..ETC... Now is this a weakness or something we all want???????
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'SirNeeds2Love' Hi all, After reading the posts here on this topic, it shows one thing.......We are all here because we are missing something in our lives. We can call it whatever we like.....but at some stage in our lives we will be alone and it is how we handle this time will show our strengths and weaknesses. I’ve found mine....... My strengths are that I can handle whatever life hits me with...the good and the bad..... My weakness is another story... I need contact with the opposite sex.... If it’s a FWB..... A one night stand..... A casual encounter every now and then..... A girlfriend....... ETC..ETC... Now is this a weakness or something we all want??????? what do you REALLY want, underneath the urges and desires? Maybe the answer to that will tell you whether indulging the urges and desires is a weakness, or is fulfilling your needs.lilmiss xxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
..I haven't read others replies as we're all answering from personal experience and I guess they all differ. I relate well to all the feelings you have mentioned. I too am one of those guys who really finds being in a relationship as ultimately satisfying, the single life never did much for me. BUT after breaking up with my first love I took a good few years off relationships and sex...arghh! I focused on myself and friendships and really did do the whole personal growth thing. Is this what you need?Only you can work it out.I'd just say don't be afraid to get out of that comfort zone and be single for a while, you can learn and relate to many more people on a deeper level not being naturally cocooned with a lover. Grow, work through the baggage (we all have it and if you spring clean you're actually better than someone who says they have none). Don't rush anything and enjoy all the ups and downs.Good luck
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'SirNeeds2Love' Hi all, After reading the posts here on this topic, it shows one thing.......We are all here because we are missing something in our lives. We can call it whatever we like.....but at some stage in our lives we will be alone and it is how we handle this time will show our strengths and weaknesses. I’ve found mine....... My strengths are that I can handle whatever life hits me with...the good and the bad..... My weakness is another story... I need contact with the opposite sex.... If it’s a FWB..... A one night stand..... A casual encounter every now and then..... A girlfriend....... ETC..ETC... Now is this a weakness or something we all want??????? I'm not sure what you are saying here. In one sentence you acknowledge your weaknesses, in the next sentence you are asking if they ARE weaknesses.....only you can answer that question! It's a matter of perception. Use your strengths to handle your weaknesses. If you don't want to be alone...then don't be! But a communal resounding "yes" to not wanting to be alone will not validate your weaknesses. Accept your weaknesses in the same way you accept your strengths. With transparency and truth. Jx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Forget the NSA sex.... that's easy to come by, probably too easy. Every night (unless I'm super exhausted and haven't slept for days), I wake around 3am and have this overwhelming feeling of loneliness. A wave of sadness sweeps over me and the black hole feels so deep. I usually stay up for an hour or so chatting with some friends on MSN (friends from Perth are useful for this purpose) or I get in the chat room (but no cam) and see who wants to share their soul. Eventually I make myself go back to sleep but it's never that true, deep sleep that I once had. I crave having someone beside me who I can turn to before I switch off the lights and say "good night my sweet". I long to wrap my arms around a man or snuggle up close to his chest. It's not really a long term relationship I'm after or deep love. I'm after companionship with care and respect. I want a friend ! I've been amazed reading everyone's responses. Why aren't we ALL more open with what we want ? Why are so many people on here playing games settling for casual fucks. What are they afraid of ? Anyone free at 3am tomorrow ? xx Miss Saturn
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RHP User
16 years ago
only two months seperated after ten years, i dont know if i have really processed it properly yet. i just focus on my two young boys and minimising to impact on them, while keeping myself sane. what i have learnt despite the gift of my kids is that i clearly know that i chose the wrong girl ten years ago, why i dont know. the person i wanted to be has been held back inside, unwiling to take risks with the incentive and reward taken away, there was no reason to chase my dreams. i have started to make progress on maybe three of the five things i am really passionate about with the spare time i now find myself with. do i want a year of meeting as many girls as possible and catch up on the sex i could have had, hoping i stumble across the girl that would encourage and challenge me to become who i want, or do i need to be by myself for a full year to really understand what i want, i dont know? SAW THINGS SO MUCH CLEARER ONCE YOU, WERE IN MY, REARVIEW MIRROR.(pearl jam) evilboy
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