Being called intimate names by strangers online
February 12 2021
I feel like it is patronising and reducing in nature.
Similar to referring to a grown man as son or boy.
Men that speak like that, I wonder if they speak like that in real life?
What do other women think of being referred to my these pet names online?
And why do men do it?
Comments
RHP User
4 years ago
Absolutely hate it. Makes me instantly dry up. But it's an easy way to find out the guy is a bogan.
teamaj2
4 years ago
It’s a pet hate of mine and makes me cringe . Ax
SpicyKale
4 years ago
It’s one of Mrs Spicy’s pet hates too! We’ve found that it’s usually the female half of couples rather than guys though. Hun, babe and darl just grate on us 🤷🏻♂️ Maybe we’re just judgy 😂
RHP User
4 years ago
Yeah I’m not a fan, I immediately get defensive and don’t find it cute at all.
RHP User
4 years ago
Absolutely hate it. When I was actively looking I stated in my profile not to call me pet names (and referenced the Madison Avenue song for those old enough to remember that one), some guys still did it. Instant block.
FeistyFatty
4 years ago
HATE IT!!!! Complete and instant turn off for me.
2EssesExploring
4 years ago
Correct that it sorts people out. We find anyone that takes offence at such things is usually way too uptight for us. We don’t really use any of these but wouldn’t judge anyone that did as we know people from different backgrounds view words differently.
This list reminded me of something I saw yesterday in the Washington Post: a hospital is telling staff to not refer to breast milk as...well breast milk!!!! Or “breast feeding” as they are attempting to be more “trans-friendly”
So now it’s “human milk” or “chest milk”
Darlin’, babes, pet, snoogums the world is stark raving mad I tells ya!RHP User
4 years ago
I suspect it has something to do with their attempt at paying a compliment...
Instead of just saying it directly, it’s a sort of side step to divert their insecurity at approaching....RHP User
4 years ago
To be honest, they are complete strangers so it doesnt offend me. I prefer messages without endearments though. I find it much worse in real life, if a customer calls me darling or sweetheart, that zings my teeth
RHP User
4 years ago
Could not agree more with OP.
From my perspective as I man I HATE it equally as much as women do, and it’s an instant turn off/ put the running shoes on type of feeling when a woman refers to me as “babe”, “Darl”, “Love”and “Hun” is my most hated too.
I suspect most guys who use these names most likely speak that way in general.
I hate it so I never do it.2EssesExploring
4 years ago
This came in the radio after I first read this post. To me it highlights the importance or lack there of that any words may have.
Now if you’re not somewhat aroused by the intensity of this song I dare say you’ll not get what I mean....
Here come old flat top
He come grooving up slowly
He got joo joo eyeball
He one holy roller
He got hair down to his knee
Got to be a joker he just do what he please
He wear no shoe shine
He got toe jam football
He got monkey finger
He shoot Coca-Cola
He say I know you, you know me
One thing I can tell you is you got to be free
Come together, right now, over me
He bag production
He got walrus gumboot
He got Ono sideboard
He one spinal cracker
He got feet down below his knee
Hold you in his armchair you can feel his disease
Come together, right now, over me
MsSuperFoxy
4 years ago
Pet names on line, I use a reply stating how uncomfortable it makes me feel. I also state, "I can tell its not your intent". IMO in real life, I guess some use it like a kind verbal gesture. I know I do at work. IE Thanks sweetie.
Ms Foxy2EssesExploring
4 years ago
Intimate names? Or terms of endearment?
Seems to me whatever they are they get a whole lot lovelier when said in a different language
https://www.fluentin3months.com/terms-of-endearment/
Or is it that these damn misogynists are hiding behind beautiful words the whole world over?
I am now perplexed to whether I’m going to call my wife or my boys “mon petite chou”RHP User
4 years ago
I remember being out for dinner when I was young (14 or so) with dad and he called the waitress Darl and she full cracked it at him and said “I’m not your fucking darling” full cracked the shits with him and called him a chauvinistic pig hahhahaha fuck .....I’ll never forget it lol ...... Mum was shocked as fuck too
nightingale8
4 years ago
The over familiarity shown when using pet names with me on first contact shows me the man presumes a position of power above me before a connection has even been made. Even if that wasn’t their expressed intent, the fact that they wouldn’t be socially savvy enough to know that would make women uneasy is enough to make me think - BAD SEX AHEAD
RHP User
4 years ago
Well personally "baby" is just what I default to for ANY person I'm engaged in sex with male or female... can't help it. It's more a natural and automatic response to sexual pleasure for me rather than some put down or something. I'll usually tell people before hand that I'll call them that if I'm really turned on in the moment.
Having said that I would never address someone that way outside of sex (except for certain girlfriends who've crossed over into relationship status.)
I don't think you should take it as condescending if it happens during sex AND it's the tone and context that mark words as playful or mean.RHP User
4 years ago
I hate it. It assumes a level of intimacy we haven’t yet established. It’s not a compliment, it’s disproportionate to the situation and anyone who cannot understand that intimacy and trust is build up over time and not by throwing a few words over the fence to get the girl can just eff off.
RHP User
4 years ago
Strange how the female responders are saying they hate it and the males keep telling them how they should respond. Sounds like...well it sounds every time a woman says she doesn't like a man's actions on here 🤔
MissBishere
4 years ago
I actually don’t mind it’s doing ive used good looking on a a few occasions like “Well hello good looking” terribly sorry if that offended anyone was certainly not my intent.
🤷🏻♀️2EssesExploring
4 years ago
Strange how the same few always conflate every topic into a feminist afront.
My mistake was to not realise that this post was only directed at men addressing women as many from both sexes use these terms in their language.
If a non-gender speciifc person is used to dropping “love/dear/pet” into the day to day conversations with people they know then they will likely drop it in to people they dont know. THEY MEAN NO HARM!
It is all a question of intent, which will surely be brought out by the rest of the conversation.
For the record, i dont use this language but work with the public so hear it a lot. Most of the time it is used as intended, as a term of endearment. Of course it can be used as part of a condescending statement.
“Hello deary/love/pet how is your day going?” - no offence given or taken here
“Look deary/love/pet any opinion you have over mine just reflects your deep seated conceit and misogyny” - which part of this sentence may be offensive?
Anyone heard of “misandry”? Me neither, I had to Google it. It’s obviously a word coined by misogynists, couldn’t possibly happen in real life 😂RHP User
4 years ago
Crikey , there’s a few hyper sensitive women on this site isn’t there!!!!
Bloody hell !!!!
I don’t care if I get called names, I’d be happy if you just call me lol
Lighten up ladies
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