RHP User

RHP User

M34 F32

BDSM.

October 18 2015

I don't know where to start with this question haha. I am new to the forums and BDSM is something that has fascinated me since I was young! What do you do when your partner confesses to not enjoying such a thing? When we first met i confessed that I have a fetish of BDSM but have never experienced bdsm to its full potential other than light bondage. He viewed this as a taboo (before we started really talking about fantasies which lead us here!) He is now more open minded than ever and wishes to explore this with me! Where do I start with gaining the experience? Where do we find someone trust worthy and respectful to teach us? I view myself as a submissive... i love the feeling of being tied down, gagged, blind folded the works! It's such a release and a rush! Like everything from that day or week that has pissed you off simply disappears and it's just pure...relaxation... am I wrong in saying this? What is this release I seem to feel?! I am guessing it's definitely psycological? I always figured I was just a weirdo then I found documentaries, pages of information and then...RHP! Tell me everything! I NEED TO KNOW! Thankyou ever so much :) Tam xx

Comments

  • Missb4u

    Missb4u

    9 years ago

    And educated yourself. There is a whole lifestyle out there for you to explore. Through fet you can attend events and learn and connect with the right people. I can't stress enough how important it is to educate yourself though as there are so many fakes and wannabes. attend a local munch and get to know people.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Totally agree with Missb72's recommendation above.
    There are also a number of booky-wooks on the subject. Some of which your local library may have, heh, but if you're shy about that maybe buying them would be more discreet?
    Kacie Cunningham "Conquer Me: Girl-to-Girl Wisdom About Fulfilling Your Submissive Desires"
    Janet W Hardy "The New Bottoming Book"
    Jay Wiseman "SM 101: A Realistic Introduction"
    Philip Miller "Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism"
    I haven't read any of them, myself. But the last two come well recommended, "Screw the Roses" by a female friend of mine who is a "switch" (enjoys being both dominant and submissive in different situations).

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Ahem, that should read above: "maybe buying them online would be more discreet?".

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Getting them from a library or from the local book store doesn't phase me one bit haha. Way i see it they are a simple stranger who I may not see again after the purchase. ;)

    I'll give fetflife a looksie!

    Is there different stages Of bdsm? I understand there is a whole lifestyle with a live in sub ect. But is there bedroom only bdsm? Most the documentaries and things ice read only really explored the lifestyle but nothing more and the main issue with Internet research and documentaries is that you don't know how much of it is even legit. Gotta keep those viewer ratings.

    Tam xx

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    The world is your oyster.... We all have our kinks and yours is definitely not unusual... Explore your fantasy.. A good Dom will take you to the brink every time unless you lose it which is better still.... lol.. But isn't that the ultimate goal.. ?

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Sure is ;)

    Ultimate goal is having my partner fully dominate me with no holding back. I'm not made if porclean I will not break! :-P

    Finding a good Dom to help us along with our journey is definitely on the bucket list ;)

    Tam xx

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Quoting 'littleMissShy' Getting them from a library or from the local book store doesn't phase me one bit haha. Way i see it they are a simple stranger who I may not see again after the purchase. ;)

    I'll give fetflife a looksie!

    Is there different stages Of bdsm? I understand there is a whole lifestyle with a live in sub ect. But is there bedroom only bdsm? Most the documentaries and things ice read only really explored the lifestyle but nothing more and the main issue with Internet research and documentaries is that you don't know how much of it is even legit. Gotta keep those viewer ratings.

    Tam xx


    Ah but first the libraries or bookstores have got to have them on the shelves already. Putting in a special order could be a bit more... confronting.
    To answer your question, yes, bedroom-only BDSM is the most common. Those 24/7 power exchange relationships the documentaries examine are extreme, even among kinksters. So that's why they make for exciting television! There's no need to try something like that. Even the people who get into those relationships are unlikely to start there. They probably started more or less the same as where you are now.
    Take it slow, read some hot how-to manuals, meet some interesting local kinksters, have fun, and above all, "do no harm."
    Feel free to report back to the forum with success stories. Or by private message, for that matter, hahaha.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Not confronting at all :-P they may even be able to give me a review of the book of my choice ect :-P ice only ever gotten a strange look once at a library.. And that was because I was hiring out catdog the TV series... Obviously when she asked (oh how old are your kids!) My response was automatically I don't have kids haha.

    So getting strange looks for hiring/buying bdsm 101 books isn't a bother :-P as long as it isn't an immediate family member behind the counter all is good!

    Having to dodge a few family members on RHP has been more of a mission!

    Tam xx

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    You could write a booky-wook about your journey.( love your work slips)

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Google Club Freak, or check them out on Facebook. A local club in Perth that holds events and introduction classes to BDSM. You will also meet others who may be able to educate you and yours 😊

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Quoting 'littleMissShy' It's such a release and a rush! Like everything from that day or week that has pissed you off simply disappears and it's just pure...relaxation... am I wrong in saying this? What is this release I seem to feel?! I am guessing it's definitely psycological?P.S. I kept forgetting to give you the term you were looking for. The closest commonly-used psychological term is catharsis. The BDSM specific word is subspace. Not to be confused with when they talk about subspace in science fiction, it's the headspace in which the sub inhabits when he/she has given all responsibility to their dominant.
    I hear subs talking about it especially after 'impact play' (usually floggers to the buttocks) where a cocktail of the brain chemicals released gives an altered state of consciousness. The experience of feeling pain and being somewhat helpless to stop it, while feeling completely safe and trusting the person doing it, seems to play a huge role. Apparently it's like the release you described from being tied down and ravaged, multiplied by twenty.
    Also note 'aftercare' after it.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Ah thats what it's called! I shall get my pen and paper and start writing this bookie work :-P really?! So perth isn't as boring as it let's out to be! I'll give this info to my partner and definitely go and have a look!

    Thankyou guys!

    Tam xx

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Checked out the bondage 101 classes! We are going to keep our eye on it! We are buying tickets first thing the next event is on! Thankyou guys! Can't wait! Busting with utter excitement!

    Tam xx

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    I'm not porcelain , I will not break... What a great line, love it.. .. Add to that a willingness to be submissive and your definitely on the right track to make your fantasy a reality... Cheers. Jay x

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    Hello hello :)
    So I've not read all of the advice offered, but I'd say join fetlife, be patient, research and ask lots and lots of questions. Also follow your gut instinct, there are some not so wholesome characters around. And finally, enjoy your journey, it's an incredible path :)

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    8 years ago

    There is definitely bedroom only BDSM. You will have seen that category on Fetlife by now, I guess.