F58
Avoiding the emotional
August 25 2015
Comments
-
RHP User
10 years ago
not letting your emotions in....it's more so about keeping them within a manageable calibration... Feeling them is ok.....allowing them to dictate your behaviour and your mindset not so healthy.... - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Rein them in? Do you set boundaries within yourself ? I know that they shouldn't dictate my behaviour, and the amount of self talk ...well you'd think I'm nuts lol ..... Maybe I am ....
-
RHP User
10 years ago
And if you can't compartmentalise your emotions then this might be the wrong place for you... But then would anywhere be the right place ? Hp xo Because you're worth it...
-
RHP User
10 years ago
this is a tough one. Great topic, not something often discussed. My barrier, as designed by me, is the age difference, so that age gap means neither me nor the guy expect or want a relationship, works pretty good, though i'm like you, i need the emotional. The machine thing doesn't work for me either. Stirry is right, keeping it manageable and never allow an attached person to fall for you, at least i wouldn't. I'd bale if i saw that happening, not to say you would go there anyway op but i do, just not interested in stealing someone else's guy. Fucking them, yeah, but i don't want to keep them haha I found it got easier with time, the first few months were hard to adjust to the 'fuck 'n go' type thing. After about 8 months, i can honestly say i'm good with that now, but the best sex comes from repeat meets where there's warmth and passion, just not love, that is until the love stick jumps up and whacks you across the face, then all this advice goes fair out the window mmm just have fun and wherever it takes you you'll grow and move with it, trust your emotions. You're a better person for having these emotions and i'm sure interact a lot better because of it - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
You are you,you have your heart,literally all over your profile...how quickly do you get attached to people,are you in love with being in love perhaps?Be honest with yourself about what you are actually looking for...you only need to protect your heart if the people you are choosing have the potential to hurt you,and you will know who they are..I call them my Kryptonite .. So the next time you meet someone be a little cautious,get to know them and dont project onto them what you want to see Hugs xxFreya
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Wish I could tell you there is a way around this but all I can say is the heart is what it is, some people can go into it with not a lot of emotion but others can't. I also like to have a connection with the person I'm interested in. Pretty much what Freya said keep your eyes open to the ones that might have the potential to hurt you. Usually your gut instinct will tell you (you know when that little alarm is going off and you tell yourself its nothing lol Listen to it! :P) as I found out the hard way. Make sure you know what each of you want out of the experience. That is sometimes harder to do than it sounds lol Hope that all makes sense :) It's ok to have a connection but just don't let it carry you away. Sometimes I think we make it more in our minds than it really is in reality, just need to recognise the difference. Don't forget its supposed to be fun ;) Cheers xx G*
-
Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
Stirry and Freya have both come across with some good info. As Freya has said, you've got your heart and emotions written all through your profile. I can't help but wonder if this site is really what you need - to me it reads more like you really want to find you're "Mr Perfect", and this is not really the site to move in that direction (although of course it might be possible).Becoming attracted to your playmates is not to be sneezed at - you play with them because you probably see desirable qualities in them, but as Stirry said, you have to reign in those emotions and realize what you are playing at. You should be mature enough at this stage of your life to differentiate your playmates, and anything more serious. If you are here to have some fun, then just think about it as such. Should anything become of a more serious nature, let time take it's course to find out for sure. You don't have to fall head over with every person who crosses your path... learn to take some fun with each who does. Tall
-
RHP User
10 years ago
There is nothing wrong with feeling emotions if you know what you want. I love a whole pile of people but it doesn't mean I want anything more than their time occasionally. Spending too much time with one person may lead to attachment, so spread your energy in many places!
-
RHP User
10 years ago
To be devoid of emotion would make you a sociopath. Perhaps, you need to "compartmentalise" your interactions by being definitive with yourself,a s to what the outcome of your friendships is limited to, before you begin them. And dont see/contact them more than twice a week... or the relationship vibe can kick in more heavily
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I get you....if I meet someone a few times I start to have feelings for them. Not "I want a relationship" feelings but caring for them and a close friendship type of feeling. But I tell myself that its all there is....hence why I try not to see them too often and dont text to and fro with them every week. Its hard because when you see someone and are physically and emotionally involved with them, you could very easily fall for them. After all, if it was the same situation outwith RHP people would assume there was a relationship going on. Reading the forums over the last two years Ive read about heartbreak and finding love. About the perfect guy who turned out to be a cheat and about people wanting what they cant have. I go for younger guys because I know theres no chance of anything happening. Enjoy the ride but keep minimal contact. xx
-
RHP User
10 years ago
There is no one out there who is worth it. Online sites like this are just about rootin tootin. You can be attracted to someone without giving a damn... Ladies... It's how it is. Love your kids and friends etc in the real world.....Online... Gotta flick that off switch. Being connected to your feelings only reaks havoc in your life... No one else's. Forget being a feeling being.. It's about sensation 😂 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I find it interesting about the women that take deliberate steps (eg age difference, limiting contact and meetups) to ensure they do not "fall for each other". Is it just the fear of being hurt, falling for someone who turns out to be quite wrong for them? Are these issues from past experience, or the idea of never wanting to take the risk of being hurt ever again? Is it because you want to preserve your freedom and flexibility as a single woman, free to date and play whenever and with whoever you choose? Do you think that "relationships" have more negatives than positives? Or, do you wish to not hurt the other person, in the event of someone more suitable or with more common interests coming along, and you can stop seeing the first person at short notice with little or no problems? We are human and our emotions are part of who we are and how we connect with anyone else we meet. Maybe it's different for women who have less trouble finding willing suitors, but if I found that something was just starting to go well with a playmate, the last thing I would want would be for her to start backing away, communicating less and seeing me less often, "just in case" she started to have any further feelings. That would just leave me with yet another long search for the next playmate. Of course, I don't want to hurt the other person either, as it might even be myself that finds someone new. I don't think it's a case of avoiding the emotional stuff, but keeping it in check as others have pointed out. But if you find someone you have great sex with, an connection with, and who is still happy to play either apart or together, is "falling for them" so bad? No-one really is heartless. The heart is ALWAYS involved, just the exent varies from very little to a lot, from utter heartbreak at losing a love to dissappointment at a lost opportunity or potential. But our emotions are also often quite fickle... very quickly changable depending on circumstances, and often not very rational. So keeping ourselves on even ground is a balance between the desires of the heart, the desires of our mind, and the desires of our loins :) Depending on the point in our lives we are at, we will choose which is more important and take steps to ensure that those desires are satisfied, while limiting the risk to the others. Maybe people just don't feel they are at the right point in their lives to let the others ones become involved again (yet). Perhaps if a profile comes across as "emotionally engaging", it will turn some people away. Not always a bad thing, the right person will be attracted. But you might also be turning away the people you do want, but unintentionally. (Personally I am turned away from profiles that appear jaded, even though it's probably warranted). We all have some desire for emotional engagement, but we generally also have desires for pure hedonistic fun. So it's perhaps debatable sometimes that you wear your heart on your sleeve, as it would appear (including on your profile). But if you do feel it reflects the real you, I suppose that's just who you are. If you want and need the connection, even just for sex, by all means go for it, you will probably be your own best judge on what is best for you. But as you are seeking advice, take everyone's opinions on board, as we have only had so many learning experiences ourselves, and should heed the advice from other people's learning experiences also.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Today at work and came up with "intimacy" this seems to be my downfall. I've just read all your replies and can relate to them. I guess at the heart of hearts yes I want a relationship but I'm not desperate for one. Tall_n_hard you may be right , I'm playing with the ones who's qualities I'm attracted to and who are in my tick box which isn't helping. Like you Koko I to start to care , not in a romantic relationship way but in some form which is just who I am , so then I become attached. I am searching for more than just a fuck and walk away , I think I'm looking for the intimacy that goes with it , that's what I'm missing in my life , that's what I'm craving , which brings the emotion to the top. It's like a drug , Maybe I just need to work out how to get my fix and then leave it behind till next time. I want to have fun , I want to explore and enjoy , my hearts on my sleeve has to be away lol
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Being honest to yourself is the hardest part. Deep down if you are seeking "love" to be cherished and nourished then back off on the random fucking. Get too know what makes you really tick and decide what you really want. You have to learn to walk away and keep the emotion behind THAT closed door of the boudoir. Once you can do that, it is a piece of cake. Oh and DON'T overthink and just enjoy the encounter for what it is, an encounter.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I fall in love 💕regularly and love many people- in fact i don't have sex unless I love someone... Love is boundless- it's when you start adding conditions to love there is a problem. I agree with unicorn on this one... Xxviolet
-
MissBishere
10 years ago
Following with interest but don't have anything to add. Some very wise advice here. i have had one case of falling for someone since being on here. I found I took a break, reassessed what I was looking for and ultimately came back. With a slightly different approach and attitude and a heap more caution.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Mr Right . . . Or Mr Right Now
-
RHP User
10 years ago
For me emotions will always be involved for regular meets but I know I don't want a relationship right now and am pretty clear from the start about that. I think you need to be clear about you want and be ready to walk away if you want more than the other person is prepared to give, and vice versa. However, that's not to say that a relationship can't develop if your both in the right place at the right time. I don't believe RHP iis any different than other dating sites or regular dating. Just enjoy, be prepared for emotions but ultimately be aware of what you truly want out of any encounter.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Why block emotions, do you seek to protect your self from pain, future pain, imagined pain, remembered regrettable horrible lossful pain. Pain is part of life, unavoidable and most defiantly unwelcome. You can block the pain, numb the senses, harden the nerves, stupefy the core. You can be free of future pain. But at what cost, what do you miss out on, is it worth the cost, worth emotions no more. Personally I am happy to let the senses be hyper aware, to feel every little bump and prickle, every tingle and joyous scream. I would not for fear of pain miss out on the exquisite euphoria of emotionally joy. On my sleeve is my heart, battered and bruised as it is, exposed to be played with. Ill take the pain when it comes for with the joy its so quickly forgotten. For in the joy I have never felt pain, thank my luck I have emotions. Another comes along, and time is great, all the little boxes are ticked and his scent lingers strong in your thoughts. What joy it was, oh please again. No! well there you go, ouch that hurts, felt that before. Next please someone else can do the same this time maybe some time longer or not, its worth the time, our very short little bitty time. Waste it not for fear of pain.
-
AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
Must be nice to be an emotionally void shell. I prefer people who are happy to show emotion when or if applicable. Otherwise i'd be satisfied to watch a porn and jerk off into a tissue. Your post pretty much states that everyone here is worthless. Which would also include yourself. Just a hole for fucking?
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Life is a spectrum... at one end "love and devotion" and at the other a "shag" or "play" ... between those there are far more than 50 shades of every colour of the spectrum. Every relationship or encounter fits on that spectrum somewhere... make a decision where you wish to be with each person you interact with and attempt to keep it there. We have all foolishly fallen "in love" when we did not plan to. When it happens enjoy it but keep it in perspective. If you have never felt it you are missing out.
-
Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
There is nothing wrong with feeling or wanting the intimacy that comes with being with someone - be it for a quick fling, or for something more deep and meaningful. But you have to think about what you want here, on this site. If you are here to satisfy a new urging by meeting up with some new people, you still can do so with your feelings of intimacy etc but just realize that not everyone here is in it for that purpose - most are here just for an outlet of satisfaction. Are you willing to play in that way too ? It is obvious you are searching for your "one" - but that doesn't mean you can't have some fun along the way, and perhaps pick up a few friendships along the way. Tall
-
patch4733
10 years ago
It is natural to go with people that you have a emotional connection with. The emotional connection will differ with different people. We are human and emotional connection comes with the territory. It is easier to give and receive with this connection.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Countryheart. Rhp, FFS get the work experience moderator back to making coffee !! Hp xo Because you're worth it...
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Never spend the night with them. Always go Home to your own bed.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Why would you not want to feel something amazing? Because you might get hurt? The pain is always worth the pleasure.
-
Hottie1
10 years ago
I don’t avoid emotional connection; I don’t look for opportunities to limit it either. I’m always honest and up-front. The most difficult conversation I’ve had is with my lover. Essentially, we discussed that our relationship does have a ‘sexual use by date’ but does not have a use by date as friends. I love my husband and to different degrees, a handful of people, that’s just me 😊 OP, the song by Meagan Trainor reminded me of this post. So the lyrics I’m living by are… So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you And I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye Wherever we're standing I won't take you for granted 'Cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time In the blink of an eye Just a whisper of smoke You could lose everything The truth is you never know So I'll kiss you longer baby Any chance that I get I'll make the most of the minutes And love with no regrets Let's take our time to say what we want Here's what we got before it's all gone 'Cause no, we're not promised tomorrow Mary xx
-
MsJonesy
10 years ago
Quoting 'CravingTouch' Why would you not want to feel something amazing? Because you might get hurt? The pain is always worth the pleasure. I couldn't describe it better. I am emotionally attached to some beautiful people. Yes it ups the chance of being hurt, yes it makes everything more complicated. But as long as it is reciprocated I feel it's worth it. If it becomes a one way street, then I would reassess at that point, and that may mean there will be some pain. Life is about the experiences you have along the way, the ups and downs of the journey; it's not about the destination. The ups are the emotions and passions, the downs are the hurt and the loss. It's a balance; first one, then the other. I never want to be one who closes herself to emotions whether they be positive or negative. Mary.... beautiful lyrics. Thank you xxxx
-
MissBishere
10 years ago
kissk I have so done that. I really need to open up more
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Dejando' Never spend the night with them. Always go Home to your own bed.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'CravingTouch' Why would you not want to feel something amazing? Because you might get hurt? The pain is always worth the pleasure.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Some replies raise a new thought for me. How many women are actually prepared to spend the night, and does this reflect that many are avoiding men who might come across as "too intimate" as one poster mentioned? Are you equating or differentiating physical intimacy and emotional intimacy? Frankly one of my favourite interests (but rarely accomplished) is just to cuddle, spoon and fall asleep together. I know some women have spoke of this being more intimate/personal than kissing (not to mention whether people can relax enough to fall asleep this way). And right on topic, is avoiding sleepovers another way of "avoiding the emotional" stuff? I've tried to come across as intimate on my profile, maybe that is not necessarily a good thing? - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Good thoughts ct. I wrote a piece after your initial post that got caught by the rhp work experience kid and pulled or one of our serial post complainers was up to their usual tricks... I dunno... But if you are emotionally damaged/hurt and you attempt to bury/deny those emotions is it surprising that you are unable to attract a partner ? Thus feeling used, unloved and uncared for ? Then the opposite sex starts feeling, "well it seems that the nicer I am, the less success I have in here..." And then it spirals down... I got a message on another site the other day, "hi" ... That's it... Now if I applied the conventional wisdom handed out like an instruction manual to new posters in this place, I'd either not bother repling or I'd reply "if your this lazy with your first message, then you'll be lazy in bed too" but would that be productive for either of us ??? In the OPs position, she sounds reasonably fresh out of a long term relationship, and shielding her emotions and not becoming fixated on someone to soon is a good thing, but I guess the trick is when to allow those emotions to flourish ? Hp xo Because you're worth it...
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Sharing a bed all night with someone can be far more intimate than sex...and then there is the whole sleeping in a strange bed,panda eyes and morning breath..what do we talk about over breakfast...when am I required to leave...or when is he gonna leave,how do I politely get rid of him..But if you have been seeing each other for a while,then why not have a sleepover,😛xxFreya
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Emotions should enter into sharing yourself with another. The question one needs to ask ones self is can I deal with that emotion. I had to think pretty hard before joining RHP as I am an extremely emotive being. Life has come to a point where though I would dearly love to be in a deep loving relationship I cannot go there currently so I have to put the wanting love emotion on the back burner, though hard to do. But I leave the friendship emotion completely open. I could not share time with another without some emotional link, just doesn't work for me.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
CT Great question... I would normally associate physically intimacy with men and emotional intimacy with women. Women tend to be more emotive than men and find it harder to hide , control there feelings. However reading these posts seems my thinking may have to change !!! After a few conversations and analyzation lol it seems my idea of friendship and those that have come into my life recently differ BIG time lol which hasn't helped the situation. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Yes, I avoid them as well, because to me sleeping - as in actually sleeping - with someone else in the same bed is a very intimate thing to do and I don't like to do it with a casual friend. Yes, it may seem ridiculous to some that I see that as being more intimate than having a guy's cock inside me, but that's just how it is for me...I'm much more able to separate the sexual act from emotions than some of those other non-sexual things. Plus, I've been single for so long that I don't sleep very well with someone else in the bed, and whilst I like being physically close for awhile after sex, I like my space once I'm ready to go to sleep. Due to various reasons I'm a person who can experience emotions - both highs and lows - at very intense levels, and I need to take steps to manage that as best I can if I want to live a relatively normal life. Avoiding those things that I know can make me become more emotionally attached to a guy is just a part of that management plan for me.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'countrytouch' Some replies raise a new thought for me. How many women are actually prepared to spend the night, and does this reflect that many are avoiding men who might come across as "too intimate" as one poster mentioned? Are you equating or differentiating physical intimacy and emotional intimacy? Frankly one of my favourite interests (but rarely accomplished) is just to cuddle, spoon and fall asleep together. I know some women have spoke of this being more intimate/personal than kissing (not to mention whether people can relax enough to fall asleep this way). And right on topic, is avoiding sleepovers another way of "avoiding the emotional" stuff? I've tried to come across as intimate on my profile, maybe that is not necessarily a good thing? - Posted from rhpmobile Let me guess. You then tell her all your innermost thoughts and secrets and tell her how wonderful she is and after a few months when a woman thinks that you care about her that your feelings have deepened you turn around and say ........ what? This is just a FWB situation I never wanted more than that, all you women get this stuff confused. You see CT women see that sort of physical intimacy as emotional intimacy as well. Women and men see that sort of physical intimacy differently. I would not like to cuddle up to someone I don't know well.... that just isn't me. For me I have to feel an emotional connection to you to really want to do that...... see the conundrum there? Personally, I think lots of women first get burned by this when they first start this casual dating / FWB / hookup cultural thing. So we learn..... just because a guy wants to cuddle all night and tells you all his thoughts and rings you everyday and does nice things for you and basically acts like your boyfriend ....... doesn't mean that he likes you any more than the next bird. In fact for him this "intimacy" that you see as deepening feelings for each other and a possible commitment in the works is just an extension of sex for him. It's a lesson we all learn and we therefore protect ourselves from that again. It's just the way it is, we see these same actions differently. Neither sex is right or wrong.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I have also had a guy say to me - after some banter on the forum, a few personal emails exchanged and private galleries opened - that he knew he would fall for me if we were to meet and start something and since he wasn't in a position to be able to do commit to anything he cut off all communication with me. I respected that.....but damn he was cute. For me there are people you you like, have good sexual chemistry with and enjoy their company but you know that it is unlikely that you will fall for them in hard way and then there are the others....... where you just know that this is going to get complicated.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I don't know how to reply with your words like you guys do lol But you hit the nail on the head !!!! ". Personally, I think lots of women first get burned by this when they first start this casual dating / FWB / hookup cultural thing. So we learn..... just because a guy wants to cuddle all night and tells you all his thoughts and rings you everyday and does nice things for you and basically acts like your boyfriend ....... doesn't mean that he likes you any more than the next bird. In fact for him this "intimacy" that you see as deepening feelings for each other and a possible commitment in the works is just an extension of sex for him. It's a lesson we all learn and we therefore protect ourselves from that again. It's just the way it is, we see these same actions differently. Neither sex is right or wrong. " This is what I must learn , have learned , will get past lol , thank you I couldn't get it into words. Thought it was just me going nuts x
-
RHP User
10 years ago
So I met this guy, not on this sight, but Oasis. He is 25 so that made it safe in my mind, because the age difference would mean a relationship could never be on the cards. We started a FWB scenario and we even decided just to see each other. He works long hours, I'm busy with kids and work and adjusting to being newly separated. He lives walking distance from my house so it was a perfect arrangement. In my mind. Emotions are complicated, the heart isn't logical. We were texting each other daily and even just spent time at his place cuddling on the couch watching TV. Like a relationship! And we have talked for hours, I have never been with someone who wanted to know so much about me. Last night I told him that I was developing feelings for him and he said that he "didn't want to lead me on." I have given up on the FWB idea. It just won't work for me. I need there to be feelings to enjoy sex, that I have definitely come to realise. Good luck OP.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' Being honest to yourself is the hardest part. Deep down if you are seeking "love" to be cherished and nourished then back off on the random fucking. Get too know what makes you really tick and decide what you really want. You have to learn to walk away and keep the emotion behind THAT closed door of the boudoir. Once you can do that, it is a piece of cake. Oh and DON'T overthink and just enjoy the encounter for what it is, an encounter. What Inspirit said, be honest with yourself and don't over think things.......another good way to keep your emotions in check is to remember how many other people is this person talking to or possibly sleeping with, harsh maybe but the reality of this social network :).......it's called self preservation!!!!
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Dejando' Personally, I think lots of women first get burned by this when they first start this casual dating / FWB / hookup cultural thing. So we learn..... just because a guy wants to cuddle all night and tells you all his thoughts and rings you everyday and does nice things for you and basically acts like your boyfriend ....... doesn't mean that he likes you any more than the next bird. In fact for him this "intimacy" that you see as deepening feelings for each other and a possible commitment in the works is just an extension of sex for him. It's a lesson we all learn and we therefore protect ourselves from that again. It's just the way it is, we see these same actions differently. Neither sex is right or wrong. I'm sure you are right based on your previous experiences and the experiences of other men and women. Although it does sadden me a little that this is apparently the case. Why? Because it implies that if I want proper cuddles, I will have to wait (god knows how long) for someone who wants a committed relationship, because in a casual or fwb situation I am going to end up "burning her". And if I was in that fwb situation now, I might have to stop ASAP to avoid hurting her in the future, just when I have what I've been looking for. Women are protecting themselves from an emotional let-down when they think a guy feels more for them than he actually does. That's perfectly reasonable to do. The same also occurs in reverse sometimes. As for guys jumping ship after a woman has started feeling for him on a deeper level (when he doesn't), I think that is a problem with those particular men, as they obviously haven't been communicating openly enough to ensure both parties know where they stand. Sharing secrets, sending texts and fancy gestures... yes that's communication but on a quite simple level, rather than talking about the real issues of how both parties are feeling, and what their intentions are, at any one point in time (and regularly updating each other on these feelings over time). Look, at this stage I am prepared for several things: a playmate/fb (including for swinging etc), a fwb (and yes the friends bit - doing other activites - is important), or love. For a fwb, even if actually sleeping together occasionally, I would keep the space by NOT sharing really personal secrets, and by NOT contantly communicating via text or other forms. And there's also the inevitable distance of real life... travel times, conflicting work schedules, and both people having others in their life. BUT... with having anyone in my life, right now I am still exploring swinging and general sexual exploration. I would not get attached, or put someone in a position where they would get attached to me, unless they had similar sexual interests and/or were happy for me to continue doing these things on my own or together. I think it's just a case of prioritising the other person's thoughts, feelings and emotions, finding out if there's going to be a conflict now or in the future and taking steps to resolve or avoid it.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
...Life is short now. Most of us commenting here are over 40...we're halfway there with the time we've been given to do what we want and there's no guarantee there'll be more. Should I deny feelings when they crop up, out of fear they may cause me pain later? Hell no!! Analyse and internally debate them for sure. That's tempering with caution, which is wise for anything.But I won't allow fear of emotional pain to dictate to me...that's just emphasising that it's FEAR that is really in charge,not the rational. And fear, when it takes charge, is not the real me. Of course this is all just talk if I don't put in practice...but I try to be true to myself, without much difficulty I admit...and I just follow what feels to be the path of least resistance for me. Hope that made sense.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
As long as there is honesty. Without it things will slowly die.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
What we all need to except is that as living organism's we can't transact with another organism with there being an emotional response. Like, dislike or indifference they are all based around emotions! Whether we act on these or not is another issue altogether, but the reality is we all decided based on emotions or chemical changes in our brain, that either transfer to our heart, mind or sexual areas. I like the sexual response I have towards Sasha's photos, I like the heart response I have to Service2Love realisation she needs connection and I totally understand the mind space from Jennifer. But end of the day we aren't really driven by emotions - I believe it comes down to time, energy and convince. If your looking for a "forever" partner you will find lots of the above. Medium term you with do two of the three well Short to one-off you will try well on one of them. We are humans and find the path of least resistance in anything we do. Happy hunting and Sasha you need to trust yourself and don't stay with what is familiar you deserve better. PS Im a try before you buy type guy :-)
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Luck_Dragon'to me sleeping - as in actually sleeping - with someone else in the same bed is a very intimate thing to do and I don't like to do it with a casual friend. Yes, it may seem ridiculous to some that I see that as being more intimate than having a guy's cock inside me, but that's just how it is for me... I feel exactly the same way, but I do love sleep-overs with spooning, cuddling, morning shower sex and breakfast. If I were at risk of falling for someone though (and the feeling wasn't mutual), I'd stop having them spend the night and sleep alone from there on out.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Really hard sometimes to stop the heart opening up to another but there does come a time when reality will give u a swift kick up the butt. There are those who will only ever be sex then others where u make love. Makes it so much more. There are rules to stop it happening but sometimes these rules do get broken. For eg staying the night. Big no no but it can be so nice. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Sweetlips007' Really hard sometimes to stop the heart opening up to another but there does come a time when reality will give u a swift kick up the butt. There are those who will only ever be sex then others where u make love. Makes it so much more. There are rules to stop it happening but sometimes these rules do get broken. For eg staying the night. Big no no but it can be so nice. - Posted from rhpmobile I'm honestly surprised so many people have a no sleepover rule. Having a rule like that had never occurred to me before reading this thread. I think if I was worried I was developing feelings for someone who I was sleeping with that I shouldn't/couldn't for some reason, I think I'd have to just stop sleeping with them period. I don't think simply not staying over would do the trick. Besides, that would mean you miss out on morning sex...the best kind in my opinion!
-
RHP User
10 years ago
good question l came on here looking for fun and thats what l have found,have had a few meets and two on going fwb in over 4 years.my issue is have been seeing one fwb for almost 2 years every weekend and am developing feelings not sure how to stop them.l think he is as well we have spoke about it going being more then fwb and are both keen but he hasn`t followed though,in two minds weather l should pull the plug or hang in to see if it really could work.l
-
RHP User
10 years ago
To me it is way more intimate than anything that can be done sexually/physically. As a woman who has been attacked when asleep and physically and emotionally damaged by men and sexism... Sleep overs and getting involved are a complete no no. I know many women who feel the same.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I feel your pain , not something one gets over easily or quickly if ever xoxo
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I recently got involved with a woman was meant to be play only and turns out I loved this woman more than my sir.. I had to cut it off because I adore my sir... we live together and I couldn't give that up for anything or one... I have discovered that it's the idea of what my fantasy looks like. That is what I was in love with. My sir/3 of us and just her and I. Bonds were formed. Especially in this lifestyle of bdsm boundaries are there to be pushed. Once that happens there is an instant bond adorned connection that can't be broken... sir is great at compartmentalising and he is teaching me... but it's not easy. It's unfortunate for us women we are just emotional creatures naturally. Good luck and hope you sort it out. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Service2love' So I met this guy, not on this sight, but Oasis. He is 25 so that made it safe in my mind, because the age difference would mean a relationship could never be on the cards. We started a FWB scenario and we even decided just to see each other. He works long hours, I'm busy with kids and work and adjusting to being newly separated. He lives walking distance from my house so it was a perfect arrangement. In my mind. Emotions are complicated, the heart isn't logical. We were texting each other daily and even just spent time at his place cuddling on the couch watching TV. Like a relationship! And we have talked for hours, I have never been with someone who wanted to know so much about me. Last night I told him that I was developing feelings for him and he said that he "didn't want to lead me on." I have given up on the FWB idea. It just won't work for me. I need there to be feelings to enjoy sex, that I have definitely come to realise. Good luck OP. Cuddling on the couch IS like being in a relationship. I have friends in my real world, it's not what I aim for here. While I tend to keep away from attached men, my preference is to be clear on the time we spend together. It's not to bond or be friends, it is simply for the physical side. FWB arrangements are fraught with complications. While I imagine men can develop feelings too, women are just too vulnerable to keep emotions totally at bay.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I hear you also, but not all women are the same. Some can do fwb without becoming too involved, at least not in the short-medium term. If you view cuddles as similar to being in a relationship that's fine, but that is your viewpoint only. Everyone is different and how they view the world and react to situations is a product of all of their life experience and learning up until that point. Basically, everyone has to do what works for them, which might be the complete opposite of what works for someone else. Personally, I want to touch and be touched, in all possible ways, sexually and sensually, for short and more extended time periods. Sex alone just doesn't do it for me, at least not when I have a lady to myself with time on our hands. I have even spent nights just cuddling, without being any further involved. The other reason I want fwb is for just that: the friendship ie someone to talk to, watch movies with, go for a drive or walk the dog with. You could call that a relationship, which it technically is but not like what you mean, as fwb is simply one type of relationship. But in the same way as women do, if I'm seeing anyone in any casual capacity, I do hold back emotions somewhat as a casual interest can always find someone new or perhaps move away at any stage, as has happened before and as they're perfectly entitled to. What would make me become more emotionally attached would be for a person to want to take further part in my life, being more publicly known (less discrete) or perhaps becoming known to friends or family. And/or to share deeper emotions with me or to act as a shoulder to cry on (as sometimes needed). Those kind of things is what help to get ME attached, rather than cuddling or sleeping over. I do feel emotions from being closely intimate as such, but they are limited, because their involvement in my life is limited.
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15123 Comments: 88158
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1417 Comments: 10229
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2521 Comments: 11674
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2506 Comments: 9759
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 1008 Comments: 5264
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1303 Comments: 5776
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 782 Comments: 1988
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 867
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share