M67

Are we being fair?

October 05 2010

I mentioned in another thread that I had decided to change my ways and embrace reality. Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, that meant turning off the computer, getting off my arse and actually go out in public. Now for some, that is an easy option but I have always detested going out by myself, it can be a very lonely experience at time. I have made the effort now twice and both times, had a ball and met some lovely ladies (just not in the RHP sense of the word 'met' lol). Now these ladies not only invited me to the table but from both occassions have contacted me afterwards for more times out. I got to thinking, why was I successful there, at a popular bar, with all the young hunks, cougar chasers, rich bastards etc all after the same thing, what did I do diifferently. It did dwell on my mind so much that yesterday I asked one of the ladies I met on Sat night when we met again for Sunday drinkies. Her answer kind of suprised me, to her and her friends, I was polite, funny and interesting to talk to. But that lovely fact isn't the reason for this thread!!!!! So why don't I get the same result here, my profile might be okay, the photo's are current. So some more condemplation occurred and I must admit I looked first at me before condeming anyone else. To me, online here, it is easy to reject, easy to click on the next profile, easy to shrug and say "hmm not quite what I am after, someone better will come log on soon". I worked out I was been as naraccistic as anyone. I would look at a profile and if there was just one thing I didn't like, hell go to the next one. If the profile had a few spelling mistakes, or a few gaps, again it was bypassed. The photo didn't flatter the lady, dismiss and go to the next profile. But was I being fair to the person that profile represented. OF COURSE I WASN'T. I think this type of social interaction makes it too easy to become fussy to the extreme. You know what you want in a partner and dammit you will not settle for less right. But, and I want everyone to consider this, do you apply the same rules in real life. Do you, when meeting someone, demand to know their boob size, whether they are shaved, their sexual preferences?? Well Brae and Stalky might lol But the rest of us mere mortals, we accept someone on face value first, then find out about them and often in that process, readily discount things that would have been a killer online simply because we have got to know them. An example of this is warranted to emphasis my point: A good friend of mine was on a vanilla dating site and was emphatic in what she wanted. She was only after a tall, athletic, non-smoker, preferrably a couple of years younger than herself. And she stuck to her criteria, rejecting (politely) all those that didn't meet her wish list. And although she is strikingly beautiful she failed to find anyone. Then she got invited to party and met the man of her dreams. He is older, her height, about my body shape (so definitely not athletic in any shape or form lol), and a smoker. But he said the right words, she took the time to get to know him and they are to be married in the New Year. So next time you are surfing through the profiles, be maybe a little more open to someone, even a little less fussy. You could just discover that perfect person you are looking for.

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RHP User

15 years ago

I had pretty well come to the same conclusions long ago, but had not bothered to put it into words. So again congrats.Full marks for hitting the town on your own, something i probably wouldn't be bothered doing except for gigs.But often when we are out at the pub i usually manage to strike up conversations with woman out in the smoking area without any problems at all.Maybe it helps because i am not usually looking for anything other than a bit of idle chit chat or harmless flirting.I have found women will actually come up to me and start a conversation as well or just say hi...hows your night going.Even be propositioned once or twice, in that subtle female way, but they weren't my type....so i played dumb...lolYep its a different world in online dating isn't it......we are the fossils no one wants to know!Cheers Nevosaurus.....hehehe

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RHP User

15 years ago

but Nev...if you and Mooka are the fossils no one wants to know what the hell does that make me??? im not quite a fossil yet lol i dont think il be going out alone anytime soon...il just sit home behind my computer screen and sook that nobody wants me lol good for you Mooka i hope one of those lovely ladies is the one for you...go getem tiger xx roxxy

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RHP User

15 years ago

Well said hun..... xxx

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RHP User

15 years ago

where in real life i can strike up a conversation with almost anybody and will take them at face value then see what happens from there.

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RHP User

15 years ago

From my time on here I have noticed that through the constant reading of what is sometimes reasonably serious banter to the absolute ridiculous I have become more confident in dealing with the ladies face to face. If people take the time to take in what some of our bevy of beauties are telling us they want to see and hear from the lads then they can only get better at the art of conversation. To the ladies I dips me lid for the advice. To the gents just read and listen and you might just get better results. So don't judge a book by its cover. Ask the right questions, get to know something about them, show interest and who knows the sky is the limit. It's not going to work every time but I am sure I have made more friends (actual friends) of the female pursuasion than I would have previously.

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RHP User

15 years ago

Well said on all counts.....such a simple piece of advice....treat others as we would like to be treated,....something you pointed out Mooka that most dont do on this or any other "vanilla"site. Well done :) xox

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RHP User

15 years ago

Agreeing with all the peeps....great post mooka :) And good to see you :) I too can see the similarities GT, of online shopping (ebay) and rhp...you see something you like, you check out all the details, look at the pics, decide how much you want it and how much you are prepared to bid for it, you read the sellers details and may even decide to ask the seller a question, you make a bid...and watch...make another bid...and watch....and either win or lose ;p Cyber space is an interesting medium to network through. Not only does it rely on the sharing of data/information, it also relies on people having to prove who they are!!! We don't have to do this in real life.... prove ourselves when we meet someone. Open eyes, flirty eyes, beady eyes, bloodshot eyes...they speak volumes!!! And thats just the eyes...then we have the body language...open arms, crossed arms...not to mention pheromones....and the list goes on:) I think sometimes this is where we get frustrated....I'm real, you're real... but through this medium we are just data that is subject to being analysed and proved. It's cyberspace after all...a perfect medium for people to be whoever they want to be...not necessarily portraying who they actually are ;p You're on the money mooka....Real Life....it's a winner!! Jx (*apologies for the bigger font...I can't make paragraphs work on this thing anymore...musta pressed a button...not sure which one tho!!)

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RHP User

15 years ago

Now you handsome hunka man ....... here I sit feeling I have all this man love for you ....I was gettin all teary about your dating senario ....... and pow you put down details of our private conversation ........ MOOKA when you give me your waist size and penis measurement I will go out with you .....but as I said before .... no measurements ...... no date ...doesnt matter how many times you ask ! LMAO ....cheeky (mature) bugga ! Mooka as usual in seriousness you again speak the words of a sage ...... thanks for making us wiser I see you as my wise coughs(mature) RHP dad ! You continue to add value to this pit of iniquity ..... Which I of course wallow and blow bubbles in ......... Thanks for being you Mooka Brae .....no we are not being fair !

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RHP User

15 years ago

kudos to you....great post!!I must admit...i too have been guilty of going after a particular type...and yanno what??I came to the conclusion just the other night...that i have NO sense at all when it comes to picking men...and the ones i choose because i deem them my type....have so far all turned out to be duds.(perhaps "unsuitable" would be a better way to say it?)So...I decided to stop. Change my attitude.And so far....its working!Get out there, people!!JMO...BJxxx

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RHP User

15 years ago

With the intelligence and articulation you possess Mooka it's no wonder you're a hit in real life. Great observation of reality and the opposite, which is RHP. I must admit we're guilty of the same flippant picking and choosing here but really we're so damn busy in reality that to give each and every wonderful person here our full attention would be just impossible. We actually DO meet people from here and have found it happens on a whim when we by chance have some time. So it's a quick look, a few messages and jump in. Doesn't always work out but we've met some wonderful and wonderfully weird people, all good fun. On these times of "wanna meet for a drink and see if we hit it off" we're amazed at the responses wanting 500 photos, a biography and more just to meet somewhere convenient for a damn drink! Worse than trying to get past the bouncers at an exclusive night club! Well Mooks if I ever see you at the bar (which is not out of the realms of possibility) I'm going to come up and say hi! Cheers mate

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RHP User

15 years ago

Everything that goes from your fingertips to my screen is pure truth mate. Absolutely love it. I find myself in the same situation almost every weekend, yet still end up here being blown off (in the bad sense of the word) every night during the week. Although it has its amusing sides, it also gives you a good look into the way in which certain aspects of the world (eg the computer world) and their peoples work.But you just never really know what you might come across...........

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RHP User

15 years ago

Well said Mooka. So very true! Have thought that many a time. When I think back to my old boyfriend who I met through friends...he wasn't always the most photogenic..or probably couldnt have written the best profile for himself which would've meant I would've knocked him back straight away without giving it a second thought. But cos I met him through friends, we hung out a few times and then we got together. Its made me wonder many a time how many 'awesome' people i've let slide through my fingers because i've rejected them online too easily...

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RHP User

15 years ago

I think it boils down to the fact that photo's are just 2 dimensional representations of who we are. The words on the page, could belong to anyone. People out there don't really get a sense of who we are, and they can't see/hear/smell the things about us that make us attractive. I can say I'm funny but that doesn't mean I am, and my humour rarely comes across well in written form. I love turning up to meet someone with an "average" photo and the animation in their face just turns them into gorgeous, gorgeous beings. OK, so yes, the opposite can happen too. It's all part of the fun I guess.

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