M41
Are single dads a turn off for single women?
August 29 2010
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
hi. i am a single mum, n i hav had my fair share o ppl do d run but 2 me that means theyr not wrth it, u n ur child r a pakage n if ppl dnt want that then thats their choice n sometimes their loss. no1 wil evr come btween my son n i n if ppl dnt wana b involvd w some1 w a child then they r simply not wrth my time n effort. personally evn if i wasnt a mum, the thought o meetn a single dad dsnt bothr me in the slightest, but thats my choice as i luv kids. kids arnt every1s cup o tea so just dnt give up k. all the best.
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RHP User
15 years ago
So personally Yes I am going to run...I dont want children (yours mine or ours) in anyway so having kids is a negative for me...HOWEVER... if it is just a playmate that I am looking at - nothing more than some fun and you dont expect me to meet your kids...then lets have some fun. I have had lovers who are single parents and once they realise that I am serious - I am not meeting your kids - then some have moved on because they want something a little more serious while others can see my point...for me I dont want to confuse the situation for any child...I am not Mum or Dads new Girlfriend..I am just someone they play with. Good on you for being open about being a single dad - you are in good company as I know there are some absolutely adorable single parents on here male and female and if someone runs (like myself) because you are a single dad then they arent looking for the same things you are (I say this based on your saying you are looking for your ideal partner) Good on the person you have met that isnt scared off...have fun and consider yourself to be one very lucky man. Kisses Focus
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RHP User
15 years ago
Bit of background - ex took off when daughter had just turned 12 so I had the whole onset of puberty to endure - there are some things men should never have to learn lol My experiences have been varied. Some women don't care that I was raising a daughter, some were helpful, some used it as an excuse and a couple of evil women took it the wrong way. I have been told I should not mention my daughter, it seems whilst women can be single mothers, for some of the community single fathers are frowned upon. Reasons I have been given is that I will put my daughter before them (well DER of course I will!!!!), her children won't get along with mine (as if I would introduce my daughter to them in the first place) and the classic - I must have been the devil incarnate for my ex to leave me and out daughter! The worst I have had is the two women who jumped to the mind bending conclusion that since I was a single father of a young teenage girl, and that we lived alone, I must be molesting her and subsequently reported me to Child Services. That was not a pleasant experience I can assure you but it did have one good outcome. One of the women had lied about her situation (working but still collecting all the benifits) and was charged and had to repay thousands of dollars. Karma is a bitch. Seriously, especially when my daughter was younger and still at school I found it much easier to date women who had children of her own. They at least understood that children were the priority. My humble advice to the OP is be honest, be proud that you are a single father. If a woman doesn't want you because of that, is she really worth your time anyway?
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RHP User
15 years ago
I have an incredibly sexy playmate who is a single father. Sure, it makes finding time a little tricky, but it's absolutely worth it for the quality of man. A man who cares for his children is demonstrating loyalty and responsibility. Even though I'm not looking for a relationship (open marriage), I still want to play with people of excellent character. You still have to put a lot of trust in your playmate, as there's real vulnerability there. I think single parents are more likely to be slightly older, wiser and more caring.I wouldn't go looking for it, but it's absolutely no barrier.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Personally, I think single Dads doing it all on their own are cool-I'd rather be with a man that is responsible, patient, aware and attentive to the needs/limits of another-due to living it daily, than a self involved selfish spoilt boy (of any age-there are many even >40yo boys) only concerned with himself and pursuing his gratification-that says all the right things yet doesn't deliver-whether inside or outside the bedroom as he's got no one that will question his duplicitous behaviour like children inevitably do when they notice that you are lying. This kind of life changing event of having the full time care of a child placed upon one's shoulders really does separate the men from the boys..the real men go on to rise above the challenges-not only survive but excel-the manboys well they give their child over to the person that's used to handling all their problems for them-usually their Mum (getting all available help if you're working is different to abdicating your responsibilities of course). Any woman/man that doesn't understand the child/ren is/are always going to be more important than them-in a relationship with a single parent because that's the way it's just got to be-as the parent is the one that stands between all of the world's dangers and the child and they can't afford to lose focus-for a moment-as that's when bad things happen-isn't the one to consider for a long term relationship. This person is not awake or alert and someone like this is a liability if not a danger to have around yourself or your child-no matter how good looking/skilled in bed/or how much $money$ they have-as every child needs and deserves someone generous, curious, adaptable, unconditionally loving, patient and kind in their life and as the parent you are the gatekeeper to ensure this happens. You need to be alert to and watch your child and other children around this person-young children and animals are the best judge of characters-if they stay away you really need to do the same thing. It is not wise to be with someone that is from the onset primarily jealous and resentful of a defenceless child that is already without one parent, that somehow views their having or seeking their parent's love, attention or natural interaction is somehow unnatural or defective. The right one understands and is together enough to know it doesn't mean you're not important or not the "one"-but being a parent is a relationship that doesn't end when they're old enough to move out of home or out of sight. All your behaviour as a parent is held to account sooner or later-a child doesn't forget an abusive parent-or a parent that ignores them-for their own needs-if you think you are getting away with it-you're not-they will inevitably punish you by excluding you from their life mostly if not completely-when they're old enough and/or have children of their own. Your looks will fade, your lifestyle will eventually change however your child's memory of mistreatment or neglect at your hands won't. If a new partner loves you-really love you-and is committed to you well they will love and accept your child and commit to them as well as they are made from you-and they know to love/hurt them would be to love/hurt you. I really can't understand how having children would affect just a playmate/casual thing-if some people don't care what the voting preference, favourite food or last name of the people they have sex with Why would that be a turn off for a casual or random one off encounter? I can only come up with they reject you for a casual encounter as they fear your godlike virility/fertility....I'd be going with that and feeling proud... They know you don't shoot blanks mr ubersperm and they know your uterus is as irresistible as the rest of you ms fertile goddess! To all the single parents (Mums/Dads) out there you are amazing don't let the judgemental ignorant idiots that lack empathy or compassion and have no clue about you, who you are or your situation (I can't believe what happened to Mooka) and how incredible you really are to just get through each day on your own without giving up, to get up each day (sometimes without sleep) to do the most demanding job there is to do on your own to raise one (or more) completely dependant yet infinitely demanding human child, protecting, nurturing all of its biological, psychological, educational and spiritual needs with the added complexity/difficulty/responsibility of installing and setting an intact and functioning moral compass (that is not satisfactorily achieved at times with two parents) and having to retain your sanity despite no respite and seeing the same wiggles or spongebob episode or hearing Justin Bieber for the 88th time this week. If you are passing these guys because they have kids just remember nurturing man/woman =very sensual & sexy man/woman I was fortunate to have the experience 10 years ago while my friend's husband was overseas for work-caring for a newborn and a one year old-as she was too ill to care for them on her own made me realise that you only know what you are capable of when you have no choice but to do it-two screaming babies don't care what your plans are or were-or who you think you are they need your attention now..very grounding/empowering experience for anyone-and very satisfying when they are finally asleep.
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RHP User
15 years ago
at least they understand that I cant drop everything to meet just coz they want to....(or even if I want to!)and they cant just come over when my child is home...and that my time off is precious so I dont want to waste it.JMO...BJxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'NymphetamineDrm' Personally, I think single Dads doing it all on their own are cool .........If you are passing these guys because they have kids just remember nurturing man/woman =very sensual & sexy man/woman NymphetamineDrm, I could not agree with you more heartily.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Thanks for putting up this post, I have to admit that I am much more optimistic after reading those comments. My daughter is a huge part of my life and has played a big role in making me the person I am. I certainly don't expect a playmate to meet my daughter (in fact, I wouldn't allow it) but to understand that a single dad lifestyle has constraints but also massive benefits is a plus. I am a far more caring and patient person than i ever was but also appreciate those times when I get to let the wilder side out (I keep it caged up at home...) is wonderful. I think that if people don't understand these things and run the other way, that it is their loss, not mine :) I don't to play with someone that shallow and value personality and warmth above everything. C
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RHP User
15 years ago
If you find a woman with kids, you'll likely find she understands your situation better. I actually like women with kids, not just for that reason, but also because they often have a degree of stability and depth to their lives that can make them interesting in other ways.Brownbrowneyes you summed it up very well for me.
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RHP User
15 years ago
My turn to agree with you Snoeshoe. Was recently seeing a mother of two who had so much depth. We both understood each other's priorities and the importance of our kids and it made a huge difference to our relationship.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Snowshoe'If you find a woman with kids, you'll likely find she understands your situation better. I actually like women with kids, not just for that reason, but also because they often have a degree of stability and depth to their lives that can make them interesting in other ways.Brownbrowneyes you summed it up very well for me. ...that I have no stability, no depth because I choose not to have children?????? Sheesh I get the feeling those of us without children have just been inadvertently labelled as shallow......just because I dont have kids doesnt mean I dont understand the impact on your life having them does and it also doesnt mean that I am less nurturing...just ask those that know me...but then I guess we cant all be perfect..... Kisses Focus
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RHP User
15 years ago
Personally I don't think that what Snowshoe said should be taken that way. I agree that I have found it easier to relate to a partner who is a mother herself because there is a shared understanding through a common experience. That is not to say that those who choose not to have kids are shallow and lack depth. It is just another life experience that two people have in common. I certainly wouldn't choose to see someone purely on the basis that they have children, I base those decisions on whether I see an emotional and physical compatibility. Similarly I hope others don't run a mile when they discover I am a dad but judge me for who I am. Not sure my babbling makes sense but hey...
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RHP User
15 years ago
Funandmischief, I think you're an awfully nice man and your babbling makes perfect sense.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'focusliason' ...that I have no stability, no depth because I choose not to have children?????? Sheesh I get the feeling those of us without children have just been inadvertently labelled as shallow......just because I dont have kids doesnt mean I dont understand the impact on your life having them does and it also doesnt mean that I am less nurturing...just ask those that know me...but then I guess we cant all be perfect..... People can attain depth and stability through any number of ways - commitment to a charitable cause, building a business, studying, religion and a thousand others. On top of that, some people have a natural stability and depth of character. I certainly didn't label people without children as shallow - inadvertently or otherwise.In logic terms your inference was incorrect, just as it would be incorrect to state that "many rich people have cats - I'm not rich so I'm not allowed to have a cat". All the same, I'm sorry for any hurt feelings to anyone. Smugness or exclusion were not my objectives - I just wanted to make the guy feel better about getting out there again.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Not me...I am the original Earth Mother. Just ask those that know me. I nuture. It is what I do and no man is worthy of his salt (in MY book anyway) if he can not relate to children. If it a playmate I am looking for then I dont care, kids, no kids, single parent or not. All the same to me but for something more serious...... Then I would probably look more favourably on a single dad. Fionabee
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RHP User
15 years ago
Where is Stanmore in relation to Greenslopes??? Oh, 724 km away. Dang.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Well I am another single parent. I agree that if I am with and looking for playmates, I am not intent on involving my kids on meeting you. But having said that, the bulk of people I have met are parents themselves. I have found someone who is more than a play mate and they didn't find it an issue that children are in tow, but we are very cautious as to how and when they will meet the kids, as you would if you hadn't met them on a site like this.As a single parent, I do find that the only issue is finding the time to play. If all I have is 3 days a fortnight free and one week every holidays, it can be quite limiting finding others to match your schedule. But it is great when you know another single parent understands your situation and can align their child free times with yours.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'brownbrowneyes'I have an incredibly sexy playmate who is a single father. Sure, it makes finding time a little tricky, but it's absolutely worth it for the quality of man. A man who cares for his children is demonstrating loyalty and responsibility. Even though I'm not looking for a relationship (open marriage), I still want to play with people of excellent character. You still have to put a lot of trust in your playmate, as there's real vulnerability there. I think single parents are more likely to be slightly older, wiser and more caring.I wouldn't go looking for it, but it's absolutely no barrier. I totally agree... says a lot about someones character when they display nuturing, loving qualities towards their child/ren. Maybe it's because I have kids myself...that we tend to gravitate towards each other??? Who knows??
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RHP User
15 years ago
Distance sucks ;)
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RHP User
15 years ago
I am single Dad and it is only positive in my books. Like others have posted it shows that you are caring and that your character has more depth. There is another side that as a human you have bred and as a result you can hold out for that special and accepting person in your life. I am very comfortable being single I have a couple of great kids....LOL but it is good to have some grown up company sometimes.
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RHP User
15 years ago
because all I am seeing is the fact that because you have kids you are a nurturing kind of person, have MORE depth of character, and if you dont have kids you wouldnt understand...sheesh this PROUDLY childless girl is really not feeling all that much love right now..... Kisses Focus Oh and for the record - I do understand the committment children require in your life hence why I have CHOSEN not to have any - I think that shows understanding dont you???????
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hun don't you dare think that way!! Although single parents understand each other more (or so they think), in the end they are still people that could be nutters, or stalkers or just plain old psycho. Just cause we are single parents doesn't mean that we are any kinder or understanding or anthing of the like!! I personally don't care if he is a single dad or not...it is in the way he treats his kids and mine (if it got to that stage) and if it didn't...then it would solely be in how he treats me and talks about his ex!! Too many "ex" hangups and I am out the door before it even closes!! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'MissBJ' at least they understand that I cant drop everything to meet just coz they want to....(or even if I want to!)and they cant just come over when my child is home...and that my time off is precious so I dont want to waste it.JMO...BJxxx Im with you girl! Yes they will get it! xxx
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