F47
Anyone Have Any Funny Jokes To Share....
September 10 2010
Comments
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Almost_Ready
15 years ago
two Irishmen walking across the fields of England & they come across a river, so they follow it along til they come to a bridge, they get half way across when they meet two poms, one of them has the other hung over the bridge by the ankles... Here comes the Irish accent.. dont laugh-yet Paddy turns to Mick & says " Hey Paddy what duya think theyd be doin? Mick says " dont know Paddy do ya think we should be askin them Paddy? So with that paddy says " Scuse me but what would you be doin? well said the pom on the bridge what we are doing is.... Just then the guy hung (well) over the bridge ylls out " PULL ME UP PULL ME UP!! so the other guy pulls him up & the guy drops a big Salmon on the bridge & the other bloke lowers him back over the bridge again. WELL Paddy & Mick are gobsmacked & the Pommy on the bridge explains what they are doing & how to do it So Paddy says "Thats Bloody Fantastic would ya mind if we'd be tryin it? The pommy fella says na but find ya own bridge.. So off they go across the fields of England until they find a bridge .. Paddy grabs Mick by the ankles & lowers him over the bridge.. 10 minutes go by & Paddy calls out to Mick " ya got anytin yet Mick? NO Paddy 5 minutes later " ya got anytin yet Mick? No Paddy Couple of minutes later Mick yells out "PULL ME UP PADDY PULL ME UP! Paddy yells back " HAVE YA GOT ONE MICK" No theres a BLOODY TRAIN COMING! Cheers Oldog
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RHP User
15 years ago
A guy walks into a bar with a big bandage on the back of his head, the barman says "that looks nasty, what happened to you?"The guy replies "well you know how you can test batterries with your tongue?" Barman says yeah sure so what happenned" The guy replies "Well I was testing a battery and the bonnet fell on my head!"
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bondage_reality
15 years ago
KFC have the Prime Minister meal deal you get two small breasts two large thighs and a big red box for $9.95
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RHP User
15 years ago
What does McDonalds and Australia have in common ? They are both run by red headed clowns.
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RHP User
15 years ago
here are a few of my latest small ones :P A Woman, after giving birth to 6 babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy-style"Two men in a bar, One man turns to the other & says "tell me why do you keep pouring beer onto your other hand?" The other man replies "I'm getting my date drunk."Renault & Ford are making a car together to beat the credit crunch, its based on the Clio & Taurus, called 'Clitaurus'. It will be pink & has optional furry dash...I'm so glad McDonalds does not sell hot dogs.. Seriously who could order a "McWeiner" with a straight faceGuy 1:If you've ridden a floor buffer, You mite be a redneck.. Guy 2: Hey, there was tequila involved so get off me.. Guy 1: Wonder how many times your wife's said that!!!Got plenty more but ill leave it with just this for now hehehe
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RHP User
15 years ago
What does a Dyslectic, Agnostic, Insomniac do?Lays awake contemplating the existence of Dog.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Every time i hear this joke i laugh even thow it so stupid and i have heard it a million times .... What smells funny??? Clown shit
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TimidButCurious
15 years ago
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with eachother for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it wasfinally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner & had a long conversationregarding how their marriage might work... They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physicalrelationship. 'So, how do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.'I would like it infrequently,' she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, thenleaned over towards her and whispered, 'Is that one word or two?'
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RHP User
15 years ago
A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes..The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks,"...What's your occupation?""I'm a prostitute," she says.The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, " Let's try to rephrase that."The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl"."No, that still won't work. Try again."They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?""Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year.""Chicken Farmer it is.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Some more... ENJOY! 2 guys sitting at the bar, the 1st guy says ' I slept with your mother'.... The whole bare goes quiet waiting to hear what the 2nd guy was going to say..... The 1st guy yells again ' I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER'..... The 2nd guy looks at the 1st guy and says 'Go home Dad, Your Drunk'...... Hubby comes home from church, and lifts up his Wife and carry's her around the room.... The Wife says, 'Did the Bishop preach today on how to be more romantic'.... Hubby replies, 'No, he preached about carrying our Sorrows & Burdens'...... Wife looks at her hubby and says 'You have been reading over our Marriage Certificate for hours. Why?'..... Hubby replies 'Yes, I am just trying to find the expiry date'...... There is an intelligent blonde, a dumb blonde and santa playing poker.... Who Wins? The Dumb Blonde cause the other 2 do not exist...... The pharmacist cums in to his chemist and see's a guy leaning against the wall.... The pharmacist asks the clerk, 'What is that guy doing here'?..... The clerk replies 'He wanted something for his cough, I couldn't find the Cough Syrup, so I gave him some laxatives'... The Pharmacist looks at the clerk puzzled, 'You can't fix a cough with laxatives'.... The clerk says, 'Yes you can, look at him, he is too scared to cough'...... Hubby cums home, see's his wife in bed with his friend... He shoots and kills him.... Wife says 'If your going to behave like this your gunna lose all your friends'..... Guy walks into a bar and says '6 shots 2 celebrate my 1st blowjob'.... The guy has all 6 shots! The bartender says 'would you like another shot'.... Guy say's 'Nah, if this doesn't get rid of the taste, then nothing will'...... TO BE CONTINUED................. Keep Smiling, Em xx
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RHP User
15 years ago
once upon a time a bloke asked a girl " will you marry me ?" the girl said "'no"...and the bloke lived happily ever after ... fucked all her friends ... rode motorcycles ...and went fishing and played football and played on playstation and drank beer and ate curry and left the toilet seat up and farted n wanked whenever he wanted ...the end ... for all the confused female out there its simple ... men have two emotions .... horny or hungry .... so if cant see him with a hard on ..make him a fuckin sandwich !!!! ....=D
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RHP User
15 years ago
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison. And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted. She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again." Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence, OKAY!
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