M58
Am I a cheater
August 05 2024
My situation is one that my wife and I cannot have traditional sex for medical reasons and she has given me the green light to find fulfilment outside the marriage but she doesn’t want to know when and with whom I’m engaging with. For some time I have used escorts and whilst many of theses ladies are beautiful caring people I’ve always found it somewhat unfulfilling and for this reason I’ve joined RHP hoping to find a long term FWBs lady . Im continually finding that there is a lot of unfair judgment out there when I reveal my marital status .
Comments
Apples_N_Oranges
3 months ago
Welcome to RHP! You are interacting with all types of people, personalities, cultural backgrounds and previous experiences, which may have lead to a stigma associated with chatting to and playing with married people.
We completely understand your reason for being on here, but people are cautious and don’t always trust what is written in a profile or chat. It appears that you predicted this kind of response by talking about your reason for being on here in your profile and stating ‘If that’s a deal breaker for you, no problem, I understand!’
If you can, go to some events, hopefully people will see/understand that you are in this for genuine reasons.
Flirty2020
3 months ago
It is a known fact, that many “attached” males on here are supposedly doing all of this with the permission of their wife / girlfriend. At least that is what they say when their relationship status is pointed out/questioned.
How many of you have had only the male arrive at a planned meet, with the excuse that his wife is ill or visiting her mother etc ?
We have had many “couples” message us, wanting to meet up for drinks etc. A high % of these “couples” turn out to be only the male, who then states that his wife/ girlfriend has given him permission to play alone and without her.
Do we believe it? No. We have asked for proof - for example let’s have a video chat with your wife/girlfriend so that we can verify that she is OK with you playing alone and that she even knows of your RHP “couples” profile. To date not one of these coupled males have been willing nor able to verify as per above.
So OP, you asked a question. In our opinion you are a cheater until such time you can prove that you are not.
Andrea_Sydney
3 months ago
I’m confused about women messaging with you to tell you off. If they don’t agree with you being married, they can simply ignore you.
I wonder how women on RHP would feel if guys would tell them off in a “I wonder if your husband knows you are here” way. Let alone ask a woman to call the husband together and ask his permission. That would be extremely patronising. Yet many women feel the entitlement to police the men on here. And this ignoring the statistics by which women cheat at the same numbers as men do.
To be honest - if my partner would call me from his date, saying she wants to have my confirmation, I would think she is overstepping tremendously. But each to their own.
In regards to your profile, you might be inviting the criticism with how you are wording things. Why don’t you just say you are in an open marriage and then give the explanation you are giving in your post above during the messaging? That also leaves you the chance to explain the circumstances and then the woman you are talking to can make her choice based on the conversation.
I like that you are upfront in your profile. You are not posing as single or a couple. Honesty is a good thing.
We all want sex in our lives and good on you for working out a solution with your wife. It’s not unusual to have an agreement of not telling each other any details. My partner and I started out like that because I wasn’t sure how I would feel knowing details. Until we noticed we both get turned on by hearing each other’s sexy stories 😊
Each couple finds their own solution that fits them best as long as you communicate well about all aspects.
There are enough women who will not be judging you. Just keep trying.
Kokoflamingo
3 months ago
Unfortunately a lot of men lie about being here with their partners blessing, so people are understandably wary. As a single woman who prefers fwb, I like single guys. I don't want to be the cause of someone's sadness. If your wife has given you her blessing, it still must hurt her to know you are going out to have sex with others. I think that's maybe why some of the women you have chatted with are not comfortable ith your situation
Introvertedfun
3 months ago
I think there’s a huge double standard on here where ENM ,attached or complicated female profiles appear to be a lot more accepted possibly due to males not being as sensitive to the subject as the ladies who have been cheated on in their past & hold onto those feelings. Then there’s also the couples who are very judgmental as they have gone to great lengths & managed to get their partners to accept the lifestyle & feel they are superior & like to judge those who haven’t succeeded with that challenge.
Just my 2 cents worth if anybody cares 🙃
Kinkysubjade
3 months ago
The judgement comes from interacting with so many men with similar stories when 99% of them are only using it to manipulate women.
MsSuperFoxy
3 months ago
Hummmm
Are you a cheater?
That's for you to decide.
Are you acting inappropriately to gain something for your own advantage or is it the thrill you like???
If you find a long term lady, feelings grow and attachment happens, how are you going to handle, it if your wife doesn't want to know? You can't turn to her for support. 🤷♀️🤷♀️
Ms FoxyMsSuperFoxy
3 months ago
Of course there's going to unfair judgement towards you and many others!
It's everywhere in real life!
Shit, I get unfairly, "singled shamed" on a daily basis for not conforming to society’s expectations, mainly from those who are partnered. Lol! And I'm not even cheating on anyone. It's demeaning!
You should feel blessed you go home to a partner that has given you a pass (as you state).
Ms Foxy 😊
NeoAndTrin
3 months ago
Question is does it really matter what the opinions of other people are if what you say is true in your situation? There's lots of judgmental types not just here but in the real world.
It seems odd that an actual cheater would come into the forums and draw attention to themselves. They'd wanna keep as low a profile as possible. That's what would be logical.
I don't know you and as I said my opinion doesn't actually matter but going on what I've just said I'm leaning towards you being genuine.
No_probLlama68
3 months ago
Everyone is here under a different circumstance but the reasons are still essentially the same. There are people who say they want to meet unattached/attached but then are surprised if the attached people they seek reach out, which is a little confusing 🤷♂️
If you are looking for just getting only your sexual needs met as per the agreement with your partner, then do whatever works for you.
However you did say that you have been doing that with escorts, but have found it unfulfilling.
What is the unfulfilling part?
You’re getting the sex that is missing, right?
Is it something else that is not being fulfilled in your original relationship that is really what you are looking for?
Those types of questions can only really be answered by you and your partner.
Alexis
3 months ago
By the way you’ve set your profile up, it seems like you’re cheating.
The part of your bio between “my relationship status is complicated…..” until “but I’m in a sexually incompatible relationship and have a need to full fill a void, discreetly”
Most women on here would read this and translate it in their heads to “my wife and I don’t have a good relationship but I don’t want to leave her. We don’t have a good sex life so I want to find someone else to fill that need for me without her knowing.”
If I were you I’d delete that and say something along the lines of “I have full permission from my wife to explore outside our marriage.” No more explanation required in the bio.
Then you can explain the situation in more detail, like you have in the post here, once you start chatting.
I think if you went about it this way, even though not everyone will be onboard with it, most people will be more sympathetic to your circumstances.
You do also have discreet affair listed as one of your intentions. Remove that and put it as a deal breaker.
If your life situation allow you to, add a picture of your face, preferably with a smile. If not, add it in a private gallery and send it when you first make contact.
The more transparent you are the more people will trust you.
Hope this helps and good luck!
nightingale8
3 months ago
Don’t Ask Don’t Tell sounds like a practical set up for you and your wife but it mostly sucks in practice for everyone involved. I feel like I can say that because I’ve done it lol
Your wife may not be able to have sex for medical reasons but it doesn’t make her incapable of knowing about you and hearing about what goes on in your life. The fact that she can’t or won’t says something about it hurts her, and few women would the comfortable knowing that they are participating in that at the outset. Doesn’t mean you should stop but practically speaking slow it down and tell your wife when you’re chatting, what you want, what she wants etc. No need to go into a blow by blow account
Looking in, I wouldn’t want to go near anyone in your situation because I’d need to prepare to be dropped at a moments notice the moment your wife has any problem with it. You have no plan for dealing with the fall out or what happens when emotions are involved. And yes a good connection involves emotions, just with good boundaries
Kt_Kcouple
3 months ago
We have met guys with a single profile who turn out to be married and cheating on their wives. As we are not here looking for a romantic relationship this doesn’t really affect things (not to say that we think it’s ok morally-ethical non monogamy is our choice for very good reason). Whilst I hate the idea of the hurt that cheating might cause to the wife, should she find out, that is not on me, and not my place to judge. I would be annoyed to be lied to by the guy and told he was single if he was not -honesty is important even in this swinging space!! I would feel differently about it if I were actually looking for a relationship/partner.
Lostyanumber
3 months ago
I'm a married man in an open and sexless marriage, I first came to RHP about 10 years ago ago. I was always up front about being married and available.
A lot of people thought that I was a cheater and I butted heads with quite a number of them.
My suggestion is that you state your circumstances at the outset and if you do get chatting confirm that they have read your profile and seen the bit about your being married.
Good luck there are a few women out there who will happy to engage with you.
naughtyt2
3 months ago
No you’re not, everyone is a Cheater if you are to classify. Think about it. We’re all on a journey to fulfilment and basically if you’re not eating at home then why not eat out if you can.
RHP User
3 months ago
No you are not as long as you are not feeling guilty, meeting her emotional needs by being emotionally available and that she feels secure.
I've a 500XG. She'll grow up too breakout lolInuus
3 months ago
Like to thank everybody for their comments, I’ve taken a lot of advice on board and modified my profile and user name as suggested. One thing I would like to say is that I’ve never and will never purport to be in a couple relationship and then present myself only. That’s certainly not me but I’ve learned that there must be lots of single non genuine guys out there trying all sorts of things to mussel in which obviously frustrates genuine couples seeking other couples. Anyway thanks again to all that contributed.
DV8TASCPL
3 months ago
If your wife is aware and gives her 'blessing' for want of a better word, then no you're not a cheater.
Your relationship is between the two of you. If you are open in your profile about your status and it is one of a single man, we see no issue.
gazpacho
3 months ago
People are always going to put themselves in your shoes from their own world view or perspective with little understanding of you, your life experience or circumstances and, you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone but yourself. Do what makes you happy. If you’ve ever dedicated yourself to trying to change some miserable persons perpetual dramas, you’ll know just how futile it is the be so empathic. It’s ok to be selfish. Go forth and fuck. Make no apologies. If the shag is memorable, ask for her number.
Hunglikahorse
3 months ago
Totally aree with your comment - people on here can be very judgemental and on a lot of occasions quite rude and wrong . This is a sex site and should be respectful - its not a judgement site.......people have deleted me after talking for no reason and their assumptions have been wrong. Understand my profile is not yet verified but really is this a big deal - not really in my opinion.
Sophiaxox
3 months ago
The reason it's unfulfilling is that you are using money to Have these women be "beautiful and dating" when the reality is a woman who wants sex with you is not you g to have to be paid money and so if you are using money it means you are ovveriding her choice over who she wants sex with or not and if she wants sex or not based on her own free will and desire. If she is forced to dp this for money no matter wgat youve been told in the propaganda the reality is she has little or no other choice in employment options so this is purely sexual slavery and Its a traumatic horrible thing.
The reason many women dont lime men who are cheating is that we dont wants him lying to or betraying the trust of his partner. If she has given a green light tgen its an open relationship. Many women are into ethical non monogamy we dont mind if you're married or partnered as long as she is ok with it and you are open and she has given permission to be with other women.,
Men often are so sexually entitled and tell us how sorry they are for himself that his wife doesnt have sex as my h as he wants sp he feels entitled to have secret sex with other women, when I would say if you're sexually unhappy then you talk to your spouse or partner about it, ask her wgat she thinks about an open marriage or sex therapist but you either stay with her and open it up or if she's not into that you either end that relationship to have other sex partners or stat with her and have some extra masturbation . Betraying a persons trust is just not cool
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