M44 F40
Advice for transition from monogamous relationship
October 07 2018
My wife and I were seriously talking a few years ago about venturing into the swinging scene (she sort of broached the subject before me), but then 2 kids came along and it got put on the scrap heap.
Recently it has come back into conversation as they’re now old enough that we can have a night to ourselves here and there. My wife is interested, as am I but there’s a couple stumbling blocks for us which I’m hoping to get some advice as to how to get past.
Firstly, she is experiencing a large drop in libido lately, so that is one issue we have to contend with. I have read that one of the best ways to combat a drop in libido is to get back on the horse so to speak. I also think that part of it is due to the next issues below relating to me, and what we are looking at doing may help her a lot as far as her fulfilment goes. Interested in people opinions on this.
Secondly, is a couple issues with me. Lately I find that I have real trouble lasting too long. Not sure if it’s age, or a lack of regular sex or a combination of both. The other is that I can’t seem to go multiple times like I used to. Now, I don’t use a condom with my wife, so that will help a bit on the longevity issue, and the other thing I do is stop and let it simmer down to extend it, but that has a negative effect for my wife which doesn’t help her issue, as she’s into it and then I need to stop. As to the issue of going again, I assume that the excitement of the situation will combat that, but I just don’t know.
Lastly, there’s the issue of taking it from something we talk about, and getting to a point where we are BOTH happy and comfortable to give it a try. We figure a swingers club would be the go to ease into it, especially since my wife can be quite shy around new people. It sounds as though we could go, just hang out, have a few drinks, chat to some people, check out the play area and even just play together to get a feel for it, and if all is good perhaps go a step further or wait until next time.
I guess I’m just hoping for some advice as to how to overcome those issues, and in my case, how much of a problem those issues would be to other parties.
Apologies again for the long post, and thanks again in advance for any help/advice offered.
- Posted from rhpmobile
Comments
curiousm50
6 years ago
A good resource for thought, consideration, and discussion.
Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships
Book by Tristan Taormino
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
6 years ago
Thanks curiousm50, I will look into it
- Posted from rhpmobile
FeistyFatty
6 years ago
Is your wife aware of your profile and subsequent posting here?
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
6 years ago
We created the profile together some time ago. She isn’t aware that I have posted this topic, but I don’t see that as an issue. We discussed heading down this path for the first time since she first got pregnant on Tuesday and she was still interested in pursuing it, so I have posted this to help find ways to make the transition as comfortable for both of us as is possible. As I mentioned in my op, it was her who actually first broached the subject, so I am not here trying to find a way to get my wife to let me fuck other women. I won’t even suggest that he thought of that is not appealing to me at all, but I can say I’m more turned on by the thought of seeing her get pleasure than I am about the thought of what it could mean for me.
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
6 years ago
Hey Kasda,
From how I have read and understood your posts, perhaps this is a great opportunity to reconnect with one another again. It sounds like you have a lot of questions and not necessarily about the actual swinging scene - they are more of a personal nature, her libido, your stamina, an imbalance with sexual gratification etc.
There are workshops all around the country that couples attend together, to help learn about each others old, new or developing needs &/or desires. Going deeper into where these feelings come from and how you can help your partner fulfil that particular fantasy, or if required, know where to seek out a specific venue/club to get you and your partner to that next level of intimacy and arousal.
Without going off topic too much and again I must reiterate, this is something that I am seeing as a potential issue for you. There is a fundamental relationship building block, that looks like it is in need of some attention from your post and that's Communication. As the saying goes, "it is a two-way street". So open up those lines of communication and talk about EVERYTHING. If that gets you both frustrated and at a stalemate, then it is worth considering the benefits of a specialised counsellor or sex therapist to help you both through any mental or physical roadblocks you could be experiencing that is holding you back.
I hope that you are able to find the advice that you need, to help you explore with your partner, how to combat these fears and handle current issues - as a TEAM.
Hope that helps in some way or another :)
GiaRHP User
6 years ago
Wow. Hats off to you Kasda for putting that out there.Kids and a long relationship will sure take the edge of most things speaking from just over 30 years personal experience with the same partner.We were in exactly the same boat and seriously in the 'Groundhog Day' zone but didn't want to throw it all away and start again so we started checking out the clubs and making 'us' a priority again. Mikes, OSS etc and meeting other like minded couples. Boy oh boy....didnt that put the zing back in everything. Sex, relationship and a renewed excitement for what was ahead. We are even entertaining the idea of lifestyle holidays overseas. I cant say it will work for you but it sure did for us. Give it a try.
totally_normal
6 years ago
Can be a good resource and inspiration. They chronical the very real issues and adventures of swingers and people in a variety of different non monogomous lifestyles. I am currently listening to normalizing non monogomy, bed hoppers UK, we gotta thing and swinging down under. But there is a wide variety and listening togeather can be an easy first step to exploring what you both like and woukd like to get from this exciting hobby.
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
6 years ago
Thanks everyone for your responses. We are very solid in our relationship, and the issues mentioned for myself say, are something that has been present long before I met my wife.
Anyway, at this stage we still plan on going ahead, but there is probably a fair bit of talking and working out what form it will take and how we go about it before we actually take the first steps.
All your advice has been taken on board, and will be discussed at length between us as we move towards trying out the swinging lifestyle.
If anyone else has any advice they’d like to add, please feel free as it is all taken in by us :)
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
6 years ago
As an FF couple, we too have experienced loss of libido and have gone many months without sexual intimacy, yet our relationship and love for one another was and still is rock solid. Since we have dipped our toes into swinging, it has reignited the libido for both of us. We enjoy that "new lover" feeling, but together as one. And it's a real turn on seeing your partner being pleasured or pleasuring another and you at the same time, or just to watch is hot too! So for us, it has helped in more than ways than one, especially with confidence! Plus we have made some great like minded friends. So I say give it a try!
TomboyDeluxxe :)
- Posted from rhpmobile
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