About to become single and not sure how/where to go from here...

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Hi There, The reality is that this lifestyle is part of what makes you who you are. From what you have written you are not interested in monogamy, at least physically. So with any new partners who you do get emotionally attached to, then it would be best to bring this up straight away with them before you really get committed. That way, if it fizzles or you get a face slapping then its before you've invested so much time and effort into the person. I think there are a few things that in a relationship must be in synch with your partner for the relationship to work out in the long term.-religion- you can be different religions but so long as the core beliefs don't clash, which a lot of mixing religions would.-money- you need to have similar outlooks of how you spend your money and how you manage money.-core morals- you need to be on the same page in regards to what you perceive as unacceptable behaviours (eg. if I was dating someone and they told me that a woman who was raped deserved it because of what she was wearing, that would be a massive moral clashing for me and that relationship would come to a head)-sexuality- both parties have to be sexually into each other, and have their desires acknowledged and explored. If either party doesn't feel that they can be sexually honest or has their sexual desires rejected, it can lead to resentment and deceit. So, in summary, be honest about your past, and if you're with the right person, they'll want to join you ;)

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  And your already thinking of your next relationship?Just some advice take a bit of time to get settled on your own as a single first. As far as discussing it with a potential new partner, well Ive been single three years and not met anyone that I feel ready to be in a relationship with. But if your keen to stay a swinger then being on here and meeting people from here is the best way to find someone I suppose. Good Luck Here is an additional question?Which do you think men or women are more likely to quickly jump into there next relationship?

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Not at all Ms Silk I won't be looking but I intend to play a lot more and if I come across the right lady I'm not going to say no.... All I'm really saying is that I'm determined not to make the same mistake again but I'm not really sure how to bring it up before things get serious... :)

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  I agree with Ms Silk, don't start thinking about next... just start healing, it will likely take some time to recover. I'm comfortable with my swinger status, even though I'm 18 months out of that relationship. I will ensure future potential partners are interested in similar things. But don't rush playing into dating into relationships. Good luck!

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Yes, definitely prioritise and be open and honest about the things you are looking for a new relationship. A couple of points I would add .... Havig just broken up, is swinging something that your ex might use against you in deciding custody or court proceedings. If the answer is yes (and am not being accusatory here) then you may want to re-consider how open and how often you are out in the swinging community. I know you "shouldn't have to" but is something to consider. Also in terms of time taken to grieve a relationship. Everyone is different and there is no set time as to how long it should take you to get over a relationship so why not be open to a new relationship. You never know when or where you might meet someone. If you meet the new love of your life straight away then what does it matter if you waited 2 days or two years. Do what works for you I say. Cheers, W. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  do not tell your ex who you have children with that you are swinging. Because after separation and divorce it can get ugly quickly and it is just natural that you and her will grow further and further apart and become like strangers. the less she knows about your personal business the better. If I were you I would get a profile on rsvp.com and make the profile show that you are a person who is a bit open minded - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  And that Id best bite my tongue. DG

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Don't put the frog into boiling water,it will only jump out..put it into cold water and turn the heat up...be careful of the pot,you can suddenly find yourself in boiling water...step away.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Aww come on DG you ain't no fun. Otherwise Macrag, that seems utterly sensible. Go and meet a vanilla woman and hope you can talk her around on group sex. Sounds like a strategy men do take. Although I find most women looking for a swinger partner actually go to swingers events and social nights to meet open minded men.

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  tylannister

  11 years ago

  While others have touched on this, I think that you've got a bigger underlying issue than just figuring out how to ask your dream woman if she'll swing with you. It seems to me that you've got to look seriously at your communication with your partners, in general. The fact that you didn't bring up swinging with your wife before you got married and after you did talk with her about it, you weren't able to communicate your needs to her resulted in you winding up playing without her knowledge. My experience with swinging is limited, but it's my understanding that the key to having a marriage or long-term relationship where it works is that you have open and honest communication. I may be harsh with what I've said here, but it seems to me that this has been lacking previously, and I think that in whatever future relationships you have, you need to improve your transparency.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  You need to do everything the opposite to what you have done in the past. I'll elaborate. Highlight these 3 key areas; Be honest.Be respectful.Be patient.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Clearly, you have issues around monogamy........so then why don't you choose to remain single and live your life on your terms? Do you feel like your place in society will be compromised if you don't have a 'significant other' in your life?

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Mr Mactg9 I try my best to be accepting at new posters. People can miss phrase, or not quite have their questions thought out. But from start to end your post is cringe worthy. Ignoring all the rest. I can only hope that you do meet a lady at a swingers party, at least you wont have to deceive or string her along until its to late. If you meet a lady outside the scene, do her a favour and let her know before she becomes too attached and dont let her fall for someone you are not. If I where you I would also let her know you have cheated, and most likely will do so again. For many people this is important, and we all appreciate honesty. That way you can save your self the slap in the face that is inevitable when you cheat.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Mr Mctag9 Sorry got your handle wrong..

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  I am going to assume you aren't a bad person -_- In which case, You've gone through a huge chunk of your life suppressing your sexuality. Yes, group sex is part of your sexuality - and as you insinuate, you are not content with sex-life without it. On a consoling note - you are not alone and there are many that remain discontent with their sex lives till their last breath. On that note - congratulations. But before you get too excited please stay focused on your children. Find a balance in your family life before you dive straight into chasing gang bangs and nympho's. This includes your ex-wife. Lack of accomplishing this will derail a much more important part of your life.

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