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A hard question

April 08 2012

Samuel Pepys once said 'A man with an erection is in no need of advice'I am a woman who recently encountered on two separate occassions and with two different men...no erection.,and I am indeed in need of advice. On both occassions we were in bed and engaged in foreplay,the first man's excuse was that he had cut his cock shaving that morning.,and so we could only engage in activities that did not require him to use his cock. The second man assured me that it was'nt me, just his blood pressure medication. When talking to both men later it was obvious that they both had health problems and this happened regularly. It wasn't that either encounter was without intimacy or pleasure,it is just that I had different expectations. Both men were over 50. My question for women is ,have you ever encountered a similar situation and how did you deal with it ? My question for men is how would you, and when would you in< a hypothetical of course> similar situation inform the woman involved,that you had an erectile problem.

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    only on a professional level   However I expect to encounter this eventually   I guess in the future stastically speaking future lovers will be older and subsequently suffering from diagnosed or undiagnosed ailments.   Many medications prescribed today - anti depressants, hypertension & cholestrol meds, etc can cause temporary erectile problems, not to mention stress, (psychological issues -guilt can do this) diabetes, depression, poor diet, hypertension,prostate issues, anxiety (the list is long) are also going to contribute etc......and of course if you are a regular smoker, drinker, no exercise and over 45, sorry unless you got lucky in the genetic pool (and some do) your self regulated blueprint of not looking after your temple is going to catch up with you eventually.....you are what you eat, drink, smoke, snort up your nose....etc   The good news is that with most temporary erectile problems there is help at hand (excuse the pun)....talk to your doctor, they will emphasise and prescribe accordingly ..please dont be stupid and buy stuff off the internet from overseas...you have any idea what is in that shit...rat poison being one item.....   And yep but sorry (yes Im on a soapbox) you want a great sex life with longevity you do have to look at your lifestyle choices....and alter accordingly   And always remember, there are many ways to pleasure a woman...many...both in and out of bed....the best sex starts with your brain..   Doc has left this forum

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Interestingly enough I had a similar situation. We had been chatting .... Decided to meet up .... And as it got closer he talked about his erection problems to limit expectations I guess. So he told me prior to meeting which I respected him for ...... He mentioned it had come with age .....and it was a little hit and miss ...... Didn't have any health related problems but was in his late 50's. He also commented on that it happens to a lot of guys but they find it difficult to talk about .....his comment. I appreciated him telling me prior as expectations changed ..... He is an extremely intelligent man so enjoyed the conversation and wordplay ...... And, of course, there are other ways to enjoy the pleasure of it all ......

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    This is a common problem with older men. Many have erectile dysfunction due to health issues or the fact that there are some bloody bitches of ex-wives who have done a serious number on some of them. They no longer beleive that they are attractive or sexual enough to fulfill a woman, that sex is disgusting, they are perverted for wanting this yadda, yadda, yadda. It is the same problem as a very low libido in menopausal women basically except that the woman does not have the obvious physical signs. I have found with my current partner that the head, heart and the emotions had to be all fully engaged before this problem was fixed. Most of these men have found other, inventive ways to satisfy a woman and it really does not matter to them that they do not achieve orgasm...they do in the end. It is the closeness and the human touch that is all the more important than the actual orgasm itself. If theses men tell you it is okay then believe them. I know it can be a little demoralising to begin with but try not to take it to heart.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    It is a huge thing for fellas I guess... What amuses me however, is the penchant for younger guys to become reliant on the pills and potients available...AND be so open about it.   For example.. one younger blood at work the other day wanted me to get online for him in Smoko time, and order some SuperHard180 from China.   APPARENTLY, it works like wonder..and called 180 for the hours it stays in the system. HE ordered 200 packets of 6... Go figure.. ALL the guys in the smoko hut were talking freely about home much they use it, and how good it works.. And most of them are still in their 20's I am yet to try it.. but.. maybe I should   I guess some men CAN'T talk about it.. still want to fck...and then stumble through the awkwardness of the hereafter..   At least some are UPFRONT... (OOOPS.. that was NOT intended to be another pun either)   caveman (it will get us all in the end)

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    'SLK'.... really good post i've been dealing with this problems for a couple of years now... for me, it purely was a lifestyle thing at first, i've always been a smoker, and in my past i use to be a big drinker. Having said this there are many other reason for erectile dysfunction as SLK has mentioned... medication and drug abuse are major factors, but the hidden problem is mainly psychological Men who suffer from erectile dysfunction can have lots of erections... it's just sustaining them that is the problem.... and it can effect guys of all ages. I've know some in their mid twentys to suffer. It has a profound psychological effect too, which only compounds the issue.... This is the major obstacle indealing with erectile dysfuction i believe, unless it's generally a health issue. I had major anxiety and performance issues.... it really does deflate one's confidence and i found myself fumbling around during sex, rushing things and hastily changing positions so i wouldn't lose my erection in the process. My partner at the time was very understanding which made things easier on me, ( however at that stage i hadn't been to a doctor either ) ..... i really feel for guys who are starting a new relationship or who are simply having casual sex with many people..... the need to be comfortable is a big factor. For the guys out there.... 'Go and see your doctor and talk about it!' This is a must!! and the first step that needs to be taken. You'll be amazed how many blokes suffer from this problem. It's a shame the goverment doesn't see it this way and that is why the medication is not subsidized.. I personally use 'Cialis' it's brilliant... $80 for 4 tablets, half a tablet works good for me. Like 'SLK' said, stick to the australian brands... you know what your getting then. You'll find the use of medication counters the psychological effects enabling you to be more comfortable and relaxed to the point where you may not need to use any medication at all...... unless it is purely a health issue To answer 'Hesione' question and for the guys out there, part of the psychological healing is to be honest with yourself and accept you have this problem.... so talk about it with your playmate BEFORE the encounter. You'll find most women to be understanding and receptive to this problem and this will do wonders for your own confidence and future endeavors... happy fucking signed ' hard, and a happy head space '

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    this is why i dont go for old men   they cant get it up and keep it up   Hugs

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Men often need a little help with their dicks. Knowing how to handle a man's brain and dick at the same time to get a good result is all part of the game. Often just takes a little extra time but often worthwhile in the end. Some men need the opposite of course - how to turn it off when its not needed.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    I commence my fiftieth year in June. l hope my warranty hasn't run out

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Quoting 'WantedBabyDaddy' this is why i dont go for old men   they cant get it up and keep it up   Hugs . even for a forum post..... i find your comment a little insensitive. there's a lot of reason for erectile dysfunction, some aren't self inflicted..... age is one of them!lucky there's magic pills out there hey do you think these 'old men' choose NOT to 'get it up and keep it up' ?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Sexymylf, thats the first time I have ever heard of a Cougar saying anything negative about a toyboy. From everything I seem to read on the Forums, I thought they could deliver anything an older bloke could possibly hope to bring to a relationship, but better looking, and hands down better lovers in every possible way.Though I do know some younger blokes who take Viagra/Ciallis, I am talking like 21yo's , they tell me it's so they can "perform" all weekend!Cheers Felonius

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Communication is paramount when attempting to engage with the opposite gender`most of the time we try to verbalise our needs,alot of the time its delivered - well - poorly. I wrote a massive response and just my luck clicked the page away but I do want to acknowledge my lover and his condition,and how it effects our sexplay. A little background - we met and within minutes were sharing our thoughts and mirroring our body language,appearing comfy with ourselves and each other.By the time I invited him to my bed I was ready for us to CUM together *smiles* whilst laying on his thigh and him stroking my hair,he shared some important information about himself - and now I know its an urban myth that erectile dysfunction only affects the aging and elderly. So how does it effect us - it does`nt - why - because he opted for a pro active recovery. He takes his pill and I jump on board for the ride,shouting out my unfiltered words of dirty encouragement,its a sensational sexstravaganza - the best part is,his self worth is preserved and intact.So to all the lads please empower yourself with the knowledge that there is medical asistance available,go to the doctor and admit the problem,feel the relief when you allieviate the pain and shame of the unstable erection.Its a subject that should be initiated asap,just like our health status - we all have to take ownership of our strengths and weaknesses :)   Sprinklin`lust n`trust,a warm heart and adventurous mind since 1992

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Quoting 'WantedBabyDaddy' this is why i dont go for old men   they cant get it up and keep it up   Hugs The youger ones have the problem of cumming too too quickly.... maybe we need to find a common middle ground here.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Quoting 'coodi_yowie' 'SLK'.... really good post i've been dealing with this problems for a couple of years now... for me, it purely was a lifestyle thing at first, i've always been a smoker, and in my past i use to be a big drinker. Having said this there are many other reason for erectile dysfunction as SLK has mentioned... medication and drug abuse are major factors, but the hidden problem is mainly psychological Men who suffer from erectile dysfunction can have lots of erections... it's just sustaining them that is the problem.... and it can effect guys of all ages. I've know some in their mid twentys to suffer. It has a profound psychological effect too, which only compounds the issue.... This is the major obstacle indealing with erectile dysfuction i believe, unless it's generally a health issue. I had major anxiety and performance issues.... it really does deflate one's confidence and i found myself fumbling around during sex, rushing things and hastily changing positions so i wouldn't lose my erection in the process. My partner at the time was very understanding which made things easier on me, ( however at that stage i hadn't been to a doctor either ) ..... i really feel for guys who are starting a new relationship or who are simply having casual sex with many people..... the need to be comfortable is a big factor. For the guys out there.... 'Go and see your doctor and talk about it!' This is a must!! and the first step that needs to be taken. You'll be amazed how many blokes suffer from this problem. It's a shame the goverment doesn't see it this way and that is why the medication is not subsidized.. I personally use 'Cialis' it's brilliant... $80 for 4 tablets, half a tablet works good for me. Like 'SLK' said, stick to the australian brands... you know what your getting then. You'll find the use of medication counters the psychological effects enabling you to be more comfortable and relaxed to the point where you may not need to use any medication at all...... unless it is purely a health issue To answer 'Hesione' question and for the guys out there, part of the psychological healing is to be honest with yourself and accept you have this problem.... so talk about it with your playmate BEFORE the encounter. You'll find most women to be understanding and receptive to this problem and this will do wonders for your own confidence and future endeavors... happy fucking signed ' hard, and a happy head space '   I loved reading your post coodi. My ex husband had difficulty sustaining his erection, and a low libido. After 12 years of almost no sex, I left. It wasn't his erection problems that bothered me but his unwillingness to face them or see a doctor. I understand it has a massive psychological impact, or at least I can only assume it does, but I think it's also important to mention the impact it can have on a woman if there isn't open, loving conversation about it. I left my marriage with my confidence in tatters and subsequently destroyed my next relationship, with the love of my life. This is one of those topics that really deserves some compassionate attention, I think.Kudos to the OP x

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    I really appreciate everyones thoughtful and insightful responses, to what for me was a difficult post.The practical information about medication etc from you slk and codie and the personal experiences from both female and male perspectives have enlightened me and I hope helped others reading them. Thank you all x Hugs H

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Quoting 'coodi_yowie' Quoting 'WantedBabyDaddy' this is why i dont go for old men   they cant get it up and keep it up   Hugs . even for a forum post..... i find your comment a little insensitive. there's a lot of reason for erectile dysfunction, some aren't self inflicted..... age is one of them! lucky there's magic pills out there hey do you think these 'old men' choose NOT to 'get it up and keep it up' ? awww sweetie im sorry i upset you...id never do that on purpose, not when i dont know you anyway Hugs

    reply

  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Quoting 'Handmaiden' Quoting 'WantedBabyDaddy' this is why i dont go for old men   they cant get it up and keep it up   Hugs The youger ones have the problem of cumming too too quickly.... maybe we need to find a common middle ground here.   thats because they havent trained themselves to last longer...dead puppies boys come on men like that are only in it for themselves anyway.... Hugs

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Quoting 'Ali_Sprinkles' Communication is paramount when attempting to engage with the opposite gender`most of the time we try to verbalise our needs,alot of the time its delivered - well - poorly. I wrote a massive response and just my luck clicked the page away but I do want to acknowledge my lover and his condition,and how it effects our sexplay. A little background - we met and within minutes were sharing our thoughts and mirroring our body language,appearing comfy with ourselves and each other.By the time I invited him to my bed I was ready for us to CUM together *smiles* whilst laying on his thigh and him stroking my hair,he shared some important information about himself - and now I know its an urban myth that erectile dysfunction only affects the aging and elderly. So how does it effect us - it does`nt - why - because he opted for a pro active recovery. He takes his pill and I jump on board for the ride,shouting out my unfiltered words of dirty encouragement,its a sensational sexstravaganza - the best part is,his self worth is preserved and intact.So to all the lads please empower yourself with the knowledge that there is medical asistance available,go to the doctor and admit the problem,feel the relief when you allieviate the pain and shame of the unstable erection.Its a subject that should be initiated asap,just like our health status - we all have to take ownership of our strengths and weaknesses :)   Sprinklin`lust n`trust,a warm heart and adventurous mind since 1992   its great that you want to defend your lover sweet stuff....but maybe next time let a person have their say before blocking them.....your right comunication is a wonderful thing Hugs

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Quoting 'lil_bit_angelic'   I loved reading your post coodi. My ex husband had difficulty sustaining his erection, and a low libido. After 12 years of almost no sex, I left. It wasn't his erection problems that bothered me but his unwillingness to face them or see a doctor. I understand it has a massive psychological impact, or at least I can only assume it does, but I think it's also important to mention the impact it can have on a woman if there isn't open, loving conversation about it. I left my marriage with my confidence in tatters and subsequently destroyed my next relationship, with the love of my life. This is one of those topics that really deserves some compassionate attention, I think.Kudos to the OP x so true.... it does impact on the woman too....It's a shame your man didn't feel comfortable enough to reach out and get some help, or at least talk about it.......... especially knowing he had your support and a comfortable environment in which a relationship provides. ps; a bit sad your ex didn't seek any help, for his benefit and for YOURS.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    I have come across this myself. The truth of it was the guy was upfront and told me before we started to play. He was the most sexy sensual lover I have had in a long time.   He played with me all day long, and the pleasure was mostly all mine. He kissed me like he meant it, sensual passionate. He went down on me, pleasured me till I came several times.   He then took the magic pill to get where he needed to go, but it was not the finish he was after it was the journey through my pleasures. He is on RHP and ladies he is worth a hundred men with big fat functioning cocks.   A cock that works and is attached to a cock is far worse than a guy who does not get a hard on all the time.   Women also need to get it into their heads that they are not so hot that all of a sudden they will change that, nothing worse for a guy than a woman that tries too hard to get him hard, it just makes them feel worse.   A guy who is honest is man enough for me. And baby you can come back to my bed any time you like

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    14 years ago

    Dear Hesione, Masts are for ships. Lovers are for pleasure. To pleasure an intelligent woman... you fuck her mind.To fuck a woman a man must listen to her needs... respond to her body and enjoy her bounty.One Purpose

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