F36

A bottle or two later...

October 07 2010

I am often amazed and disgusted by the total hypocrisy that is the relationship between what we think, how we feel and what we will actually be willing to communicate. For the sake of this particular rant, I will change 'we' to 'I'. I have a reverence for my own ability to articulte openly which is not too dissimilar to that held by a turd for the heel of the pump about to pierce it's tiny world. I am an emotional retard. I have come to this conclusion over many late and not so varied nights involving pondering and alcoholic pennance. Why is it that a good deal of us find that we can only communicate aptly or at the very least, honestly when up to the shunt in Jesus Juice? I for one, am a compuslive drink dribbler and am oft found madly beating my forhead and pawing my phone as I sift through the multitudes of "I fucking love you guys" texts that I've inevitably wound up outsourcing to every number in my address book 12 hours ago. It's always disappointing to get the "Fuck off kook" reply and scroll down to see it was your mother. It seems that on paper, on screen, on canvass or any other medium I choose to express my twisted little self I am more than able to appear open, bold and perhaps even a little risque in my forceful and opinionated way. However, and here I chose to tear myself a whole new bung hole, if one were to actually have the misfortune of needing my honest and emotionally vulnerable opinion in the flesh, well, let's just say you'd have better luck getting a K-fed recording to actually sell. Paris Hilton is more likely to wear underwear than I would be to wear my heart on my sleeve without Mr Loose-Lips-In-A-Can. This is a major fault in my life. In many of our lives. I don't understand why it is inevitably such a battle to tell someone you are missing them? To tell someone you're not happy? To admit that you've failed? What's the big deal? Is the world going to fall down around me if just for a moment I stood still as the world went around and admitted that something, someone, even just a single second in time, was special to me? No. But I am pretty sure that I'd spontaneously combust or something equally as ridiculous. Actually this is not true either. Not even slightly. In fact, it is as steaming a pile of faeces as I have ever written and I apologise profusely for the brief moments in time that I have stolen from all of you. Really. In all mock honesty, this is really more of a rant on my own behalf, a little self loathing goes a long way and all that jazz. Open up people, it won't kill you. It won't leave you maimed and all the sorrier, it may in fact enrich your horrid little lives and enhance the squalid quality of your relationships for now and the future. Until then my dearest and not so nearest, bear all, tell all, be one with the truth and to those of you who inevitably know who you are now, I love you, I miss you, I'm thinking of you and to you, you asshole, I'm so pissed off with you c*nt!! Oh, wait, I can't write that can I? Sorry, I take all of that back, it was totally inappropriate of me. How common... See you in the bottom of a bottle jokers!!

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RHP User

15 years ago

Comes with age. I can say what I feel, what I like and dont like without too many problems. Mainly because:- A) I dont drink and B) I dont really care what others think of me anymore. As we grow older the approval of others ceases to be so very important as they are at your age. You are 20. Ask yourself this question "Will this moment be important in ten years time?...twenty years time?..." If the answer is "NO" it is obviously not important. The answer my friend, is not found in the bottom of a bottle. Fionabee

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RHP User

15 years ago

Ok --what the f--k was that all about ,LMAO.True entertainment and a great read but at a lose to understand wtf you were trying to say lol,and all those fancy words to.Looking farward to your next um--er what ever this was

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RHP User

15 years ago

I think a certain young lady has been finding the bottom of a few bottles today already! Though there is something not quite right about her writing, doesn't strike me as the words of a twenty year old!Could this be someone's alter ego?Jez, i'm only on drink two, give me awhile to catch up and i will see you at the bottom of the barrell....lolCheers Nev....stereo time!

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RHP User

15 years ago

Fiona is right with age it all goes away, but the bottom of the bottle will often bring out the home truths unfortunately. people need to hear it before it gets to that stage because you cant remember in the morning and it becomes all pointless. also there is nothing worse than someone saying " oh dont mind her shes drunk" Self control love thats all you,need say it when it needs to be said dont bottle it up and then spill the contents later. Having said that i better get back to my beeer and shut up.

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RHP User

15 years ago

Jesus Juice can be counterproductive, however many a great poet or movie star did great things on the drink and other substances ;) I must admit though that you certainly make up for those shortcomings with your writing! You don't hold back, though I suspect you may have had some liquid assistance... Just promise yourself to say the important things BEFORE you get drunk, take the risk and let it our. You will never look back. Took me 10 years to figure it out. Best of luck. Chris

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RHP User

15 years ago

Mistress, Good Luck..x

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RHP User

15 years ago

Jez...I concur with Fiona and Stemor At 20, it is sooooo hard to see past the present minute, hour, day, i remember life to be so intense emotionally (a hangover of the teenage angst maybe?). The extreme focus on self, peers and relationships and what they meant... 15 years later, it seems as each year rolls on/passes by, and one’s responsibilities tend to just keep on climbing, while the hours in the day seem to be shrinking?! I too, care less and less about what people think, coz i just don’t have the time to dwell on things or get lost in just ‘one’ moment anymore, it is so liberating to get to this point (But i am still working on pushing more boundaries;))! So if something is on my mind I make a point of communicating it, then move on, whether it be a positive or negative outcome. Holding on to things just makes life more complex and tiring (geez i miss the energy of being 20!), push yourself to grow baby! I love a drink (or 4, who am i kidding? plus plus more...), but if you are trying to ‘work through’ some issue, it is best to stop at drink two as the clarity tends to fade and communication tends to become unclear... Good luck! P.S. beautifully written, u totally give Nick Wilde a run for his money! P.P.S. I think the ‘light drinker’ selection on your profile (and probably many more peoples! C’mon peeps!) is ummm not quite accurate ;) (i was looking for the drinks loads option, coz mine isn’t quite right either Haha) x

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RHP User

15 years ago

... at least, not meaningful communication. Just because you say things that you wouldn't say when you're sober, that doesn't mean that they make sense, reflect your feelings, or are understood by the also-drunk recipient. Once you pass the threshold, booze won't make you any better at communicating than it will at driving.Fionabee, your post is right on the money - it's all about confidence and a total lack of caring about what others think of us.

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RHP User

15 years ago

I think we all go there some time or another and if not in a bottle then in other ways ,,,,,,,,,, I know if I am drowning myself into a bottle then there is no way i could tap out all those letters to make any sence of anything at all ????? but then again what do I know and do I ever make sence ???? Andy

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Mr_MrsJones

15 years ago

Let me get this straight. You took all those words to say something like; "I can express myself openly as long as I am not talking directly to the person concerned, unless I am pissed off my skull." Open expression maybe. To the point? I have the unfortunate skill of opening my mouth and saying what is in my mind before I really think about what I am saying. This is more pronounced when I am pissed. I tend not to get pissed mainly for that reason. Gotta say though as we have progressed on the swinging journey we have both learned a whole heap about being tactufully honest with people and it has served us well.

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RHP User

15 years ago

I enjoyed reading your post.... As a rule, I always read the first paragraph first: I am often amazed and disgusted by the total hypocrisy that is the relationship between what we think, how we feel and what we will actually be willing to communicate. Followed by the last paragraph: Sorry, I take all of that back, it was totally inappropriate of me. How common... See you in the bottom of a bottle jokers!! Then all the stuff in the middle ;P So, my comment.... There is only one truth Mistress Jez....and that is to be true to yourself...always. Jx

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RHP User

15 years ago

I was reading it.. and nodding my head.. yes that's me!! Never have my mobile with me when I have been drinking, might spill my thoughts out in dribble talk accidently. What can I say?? I am sllloooowwwwllyy learning to not bottle things up until they explode... hmmm naaah Don't think I'll ever learn. xx K

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A bottle or two later...

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