M57

A Joke to start off the week

May 08 2011

HOW THEY HAVE SEX ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures. ACTORS do it on cue. ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method. ARCHITECTS have great plans. ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over. ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus. BABYSITTERS charge by the hour. BAKERS knead it daily. BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal. BEER DRINKERS get more head. BOSSES delegate the task to others. BRICKLAYERS lay all day. BUTCHERS have better meat. CARPENTERS hammer it harder. CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor. CLOWNS do it for laughs. CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation. CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it. COPS have bigger guns. COWBOYS handle anything horny. COWGIRLS like to ride bareback. DOCTORS do it with patience. ELECTRICIANS check your shorts. FIREMEN are always in heat. GARBAGE MEN come once a week. HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs. INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house. LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper. LAWYERS do it in their briefs. LIBRARIANS do it quietly. LOCKSMITHS can get into anything. LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer. MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye. MANAGERS supervise others. MINERS sink deeper shafts. MINISTERS do it on Sundays. MODELS do it in any position. MOVIE STARS do it on film. MUSICIANS do it with rhythm. PAINTERS do it with longer strokes. PLUMBERS do it under the sink. POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected. RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it. RECYCLERS use it again. ROOFERS do it on top. SAILORS like to be blown. SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5. SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists. STEWARDESSES do it in the air. STUDENTS use their heads. TAILORS make it fit. TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town. TAXIDERMISTS mount anything. TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls. TRUCKERS carry bigger loads. VETERINARIANS are pussy lovers. WELDERS have hotter rods. ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct.

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RHP User

15 years ago

I was out walking with my 4-year-old daughter. She picked up something off of the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. 'Why?' my daughter asked. 'Because it's been on the ground; you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, And probably has germs,' I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Mum, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart.' I was thinking quickly and replied, 'All mums know this stuff. It's on the Mum Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mum.' We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. 'Oh....I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad.'

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RHP User

15 years ago

Osama Bin Laden and his son have been killed by American forces. Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "Take the Bins out." > > So Osama Bin Laden is dead... Amazing what the Americans can do when the Playstation Network is down. > > Elton John is to write a tribute song following Bin Laden's death. Sandals in the Bin. > > Osama Bin Laden - World hide and seek champion 2001-2011 > > NAVY SEAL-VIA INTERVIEW: "well I was going to play Black Ops online but the PSN is down, so yea decided to practice my double tap on Osama Bin Laden. > > In other news, Chuck Norris returns from vacationing in Pakistan... > > Osama Bin Laden's last words: So my new iPhone really WAS tracking my location...so much for Apple's Privacy promises... > > Osama Bin Laden seeks out a fortune teller, since he knows there is a price on his head. The fortune teller says, "You will die on a major US holiday." Bin Laden says, "Which one?!" She replies, "Doesn't matter. Whatever day you die, it's gonna be a major US holiday�. > > President Bush tried and failed. President Clinton tried and failed. President Obama tried and succeeded. The moral of this is... If you want someone dead, hire a black man. > > Breaking News 6 Irishmen have just drowned dancing on Bin Laden�s grave I just had an Osama Bin Latte.............frothy white head and two shots..............

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RHP User

15 years ago

MECHANICS - have the best tools

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andyrabbit

15 years ago

What does a st kilda school girl say after having sex...do all you guys play for the same footy team. How do you know if she orgasmed...read about it on facebook.

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RHP User

15 years ago

I'm a secretary! Says it all really!

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RHP User

15 years ago

Julia Gillard arrives back at work after attending the Royal Wedding in London. As a responsible PM she goes into Wayne Swan's office who was acting PM while she was away and asks whats been happening. Swan says Prime Minister there has been some good news and some bad news. Gillard being the the person that tackles the hard issues first asks for the bad news. Swan tells her the refugee centres have been burned to the ground, after thinking about this bad news for a couple of minutes she asks for the good news and Swan tells her it wasn't because of the Governments faulty home insulation program.

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RHP User

15 years ago

Hide and seek champion 2001 to 2011.

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RHP User

15 years ago

Noticed the hide and seek already mentioned as I scrolled up. Oh well. That one was worth mentioning twice for me anyway. Classic.

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WidowMale

15 years ago

I was shagging this woman over the kitchen table when we heard the front door open. "It's my husband, quick try the back door" she said. Thinking back I should have done a runner, but you don't get invites like that every day.

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WidowMale

15 years ago

My Girlfriend reckons she can tell how good a film is by how many tissues she goes through when watching it. Funnily enough, I have a similar system!

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RHP User

15 years ago

Osama Bin Latte - a frothy head and two shots.

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WidowMale

15 years ago

My Girlfriend rang me at work. She said, "Two packages arrived today. The first was your Playstation 3 and the second is the new Rampant Rabbit vibrator we ordered. I can't wait for you to get home and play with me for hours."I said, "You'll be fucking lucky... I only ordered one controller."

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WidowMale

15 years ago

On the eve of our anniversary my Girlfriend and I agreed that whoever woke up first in the morning should wake the other one with oral sex.Come the morning I was up first so I slowly pulled back the covers...... and stuck my cock in her mouth.

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WidowMale

15 years ago

A cat sat by the side of the river when a 6 inch sausage floats past. The cat dips its paw in to catch it but misses. Ten minutes later a 7 inch sausage floats past. The cat dips its whole leg in to catch it but misses. Ten minutes later a 10 inch sausage floats past. The cat throws itself in, catches it and eats it. The moral of the story . . . The bigger the sausage, the wetter the pussy!

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WidowMale

15 years ago

My thought for the day ............, If God had been a woman, she would have made sperm taste of chocolate

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A Joke to start off the week

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