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Well if the ancient Mayans are correct, we’re all in for a rough day on December 21st. According to the ancient...
RedHotPie Editor | December 12 2012
The RedHotPie guide to sex during the end times.
Well if the ancient Mayans are correct, we’re all in for a rough day on December 21st. According to the ancient ones, we’re living in the end times... the very end times.
Now, although the prophets weren’t very forthcoming about how exactly things are going to end, they were pretty clear on the whole ‘bad news for humans’ thing.
So, we’re staring down the barrel; we have only days left on this mortal coil and the clock’s ticking. Some will hole up in churches, some will head for the hills, but many will take this amazing opportunity to get their sexy freak jam on.
If our time in these human meat suits is coming to an end, why not squeeze every last drop of enjoyment out of them. We’ve taken a quick break from the office orgy to whip up your Armageddon bible: The RedHotPie guide to sex during the end times.
Confidence shmonfidence:
Before the apocalypse, did you have trouble talking to members of the opposite sex? Were you a bit shy? Well, the time for worrying is over. Before old St Nick gets here we’re all going to be space dust, so get out there and swing for the fences. Get into the clubs, bars, chat-rooms, hell just get into the streets. If you see someone you like, go say hi... and if you get rejected, just remember - that loser will shortly be strewn across the galaxy.
Push your boundaries:
If you lived your pre-apocalyptic life shackled by sexual hang-ups, worried about social stigmas and the reactions of others... it’s time to put that bad juju to bed. Come December 22nd, there’s not going to be anyone left to judge you – so get your freak on! As long as you don’t hurt anyone else, it’s all good, baby. Anal beads, blindfolds, breath play, whip cream, mile-high, leather, the jack hammer, if it’s always been just outside your comfort zone - carpe diem!
Live your fantasies:
If not now, then when?! It’s time to get real about fantasy; if you’re at your happiest when wearing that latex tuxedo, then get that bad-boy out and suit up. And remember, there’s plenty of room for selfless acts at the end of the world; it’s time to go that extra mile for your partner. If they have a fantasy you can help them with, this is your chance to bring a lot of joy into their last days. Even if it doesn’t totally float your boat, it’s not like you’re going to have to indulge them for the next thirty years, right?
Reconnect:
Let's all drop the all the petty stuff and reconnect with our partners, our lovers, our friends. It’s time to forgive and forget; take a minute to remember the things that drew you to the people in your life, before the jobs, before the bills, before life got complicated. Remember that sexy, exciting person you fell for... that person still exists; so while you can, grab a hold of them and fan that fire... fan its brains out!
Go online and get off:
If you’d rather do the end of the world from the comfort of your own home, that’s cool, just get online and find some kindred spirits for some sizzling cyber sexcapades! Jump into the redhotpie.com.au webcam chat rooms and get amongst the carnal fun... and who knows, maybe you’ll connect with someone you’ll want to leave the house for, because let’s face it, orgasms beat hot chocolate and slippers.
Golden rules of the reckoning:
Look, we’re pretty sure the Mayans had their dates right, but just in case, for whatever crazy reason, things don’t end on the 21st, just keep these simple guidelines in mind and all of the above will still pay off.
Be excellent to each other.
Hurt no one.
Love yourself.
Be confident and proud of your passions and desires.
Keep an open mind and allow others to express themselves freely.
Do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.
Now, although the prophets weren’t very forthcoming about how exactly things are going to end, they were pretty clear on the whole ‘bad news for humans’ thing.
So, we’re staring down the barrel; we have only days left on this mortal coil and the clock’s ticking. Some will hole up in churches, some will head for the hills, but many will take this amazing opportunity to get their sexy freak jam on.
If our time in these human meat suits is coming to an end, why not squeeze every last drop of enjoyment out of them. We’ve taken a quick break from the office orgy to whip up your Armageddon bible: The RedHotPie guide to sex during the end times.
Confidence shmonfidence:
Before the apocalypse, did you have trouble talking to members of the opposite sex? Were you a bit shy? Well, the time for worrying is over. Before old St Nick gets here we’re all going to be space dust, so get out there and swing for the fences. Get into the clubs, bars, chat-rooms, hell just get into the streets. If you see someone you like, go say hi... and if you get rejected, just remember - that loser will shortly be strewn across the galaxy.
Push your boundaries:
If you lived your pre-apocalyptic life shackled by sexual hang-ups, worried about social stigmas and the reactions of others... it’s time to put that bad juju to bed. Come December 22nd, there’s not going to be anyone left to judge you – so get your freak on! As long as you don’t hurt anyone else, it’s all good, baby. Anal beads, blindfolds, breath play, whip cream, mile-high, leather, the jack hammer, if it’s always been just outside your comfort zone - carpe diem!
Live your fantasies:
If not now, then when?! It’s time to get real about fantasy; if you’re at your happiest when wearing that latex tuxedo, then get that bad-boy out and suit up. And remember, there’s plenty of room for selfless acts at the end of the world; it’s time to go that extra mile for your partner. If they have a fantasy you can help them with, this is your chance to bring a lot of joy into their last days. Even if it doesn’t totally float your boat, it’s not like you’re going to have to indulge them for the next thirty years, right?
Reconnect:
Let's all drop the all the petty stuff and reconnect with our partners, our lovers, our friends. It’s time to forgive and forget; take a minute to remember the things that drew you to the people in your life, before the jobs, before the bills, before life got complicated. Remember that sexy, exciting person you fell for... that person still exists; so while you can, grab a hold of them and fan that fire... fan its brains out!
Go online and get off:
If you’d rather do the end of the world from the comfort of your own home, that’s cool, just get online and find some kindred spirits for some sizzling cyber sexcapades! Jump into the redhotpie.com.au webcam chat rooms and get amongst the carnal fun... and who knows, maybe you’ll connect with someone you’ll want to leave the house for, because let’s face it, orgasms beat hot chocolate and slippers.
Golden rules of the reckoning:
Look, we’re pretty sure the Mayans had their dates right, but just in case, for whatever crazy reason, things don’t end on the 21st, just keep these simple guidelines in mind and all of the above will still pay off.
Be excellent to each other.
Hurt no one.
Love yourself.
Be confident and proud of your passions and desires.
Keep an open mind and allow others to express themselves freely.
Do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.
