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If you have ever read the best selling book The Rules you would be forgiven for thinking that the good old days...
Bessie & Geoff | April 01 2007
The New Rules
If you have ever read the best selling book The Rules you would be forgiven for thinking that the good old days of dating were back in style. With words of 'wisdom' straight out of a 1920's Women's Weekly such as “Don't call him – it will make him desire you more” and “Always end the date first, it will leave him desperate for more” you have wonder what are the benefits and drawbacks of some of our more modern mating rituals versus the golden oldies.
Rule 1. Let him chase you
All very well and good if you are a rabbit or he is a stalker, but the problem with this golden oldie becomes all too clear when you get got, which assumedly is your intention at the end of the day.
This rule, although excellent in an era where commitment had a capital 'C', has probably led to more happy never after's than any other. Let's face it, waving a red flag in front of a bull will make it charge but do you really want it to catch up with you? Playing hard to get will have him drooling down the phone and plying you with words of woo like a poet, but sooner or later reality hits and you are left standing in the cold hard light of day with a big snorting grumpy bull that's not so happy to see you!
The next time you feel tempted to try this 'game' for the gratifying ego stroke of having a guy go gaga over you temporarily, remember you can't stay hunted forever! And the higher you push the 'hunting endorphins' the further you both will fall when the hunt is over. Rather than manipulating a person to gain their favour, a much better plan for long term success is just trying to be yourself and look for people who like that. Online dating is perfect for this strategy as you can sift through potential dates at a rate of knots and drastically increase your chances of finding someone who wants to chase you, even when you are not running!
Rule 2. Younger woman, older man
Now although this suits most guys just fine, the latest twist in the rules is 'the serious toy boy,' as epitomised by the divine Mr Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. However, can this work for real relationships or is he just another fashion accessory? Although at first glance nature would suggest that an older man, younger woman fits better with the 'protector, provider/nurturer, carer' scheme of things, we have to consider that we no longer have to wander around Jurassic park to club our breakfast to death, and being 'nurturing' is expected of just about any self-respecting bloke these days, whether they exfoliate or not. So in combination with women's new found sexual freedom, career opportunities and socially accepted equality, the door has been flung open to what may be a better scenario for both parties after all, especially in the bedroom.
Men are renowned for losing their libidos as they pass their prime, which ironically is exactly when women start to find theirs. In addition to this, older women offer experience, wisdom, guidance, sexual appetite and motherly comfort in exchange for youth, vitality, sexuality and enthusiasm. Something often sorely lacking in respective partners of traditional ages.
Rule 3. No one worth dating can be found online
I don't know about you but we hardly have a single friend without a profile on some site or other. Lets face it, us RHP junkies all know the benefits and convenience of online dating. It's like being in the biggest nightclub in the world 24 hours, 7 days a week without having to walk out the door. But can you find love? Well I remember standing for hours in clubs, spilling drinks, fending of losers and then freezing up when I did finally meet someone I wanted to talk to!! What kind of chance does that give us at being ourselves and finding Mr/Ms Right?
Dating online gives us all a chance at a good first impression. We can express parts of ourselves we may normally be too shy to convey even before we meet. And no, I don't mean the parts that over enthusiastic young members emailed me last week! It also gives us a community of like-minded people and custom events we can connect at and learn from, plus it offers an infinite amount of chances at our first impressions.
But the real difference from 'hit and miss' the old-fashioned way is that it helps us sift the studs from the duds without ever having to climb out through the bathroom window of the club ever again. And on the occasions your virtual date becomes a real headache, there are thousands more opportunities to get it right and a bunch of people to sympathise with. What more could you want?
Rule 1. Let him chase you
All very well and good if you are a rabbit or he is a stalker, but the problem with this golden oldie becomes all too clear when you get got, which assumedly is your intention at the end of the day.
This rule, although excellent in an era where commitment had a capital 'C', has probably led to more happy never after's than any other. Let's face it, waving a red flag in front of a bull will make it charge but do you really want it to catch up with you? Playing hard to get will have him drooling down the phone and plying you with words of woo like a poet, but sooner or later reality hits and you are left standing in the cold hard light of day with a big snorting grumpy bull that's not so happy to see you!
The next time you feel tempted to try this 'game' for the gratifying ego stroke of having a guy go gaga over you temporarily, remember you can't stay hunted forever! And the higher you push the 'hunting endorphins' the further you both will fall when the hunt is over. Rather than manipulating a person to gain their favour, a much better plan for long term success is just trying to be yourself and look for people who like that. Online dating is perfect for this strategy as you can sift through potential dates at a rate of knots and drastically increase your chances of finding someone who wants to chase you, even when you are not running!
Rule 2. Younger woman, older man
Now although this suits most guys just fine, the latest twist in the rules is 'the serious toy boy,' as epitomised by the divine Mr Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. However, can this work for real relationships or is he just another fashion accessory? Although at first glance nature would suggest that an older man, younger woman fits better with the 'protector, provider/nurturer, carer' scheme of things, we have to consider that we no longer have to wander around Jurassic park to club our breakfast to death, and being 'nurturing' is expected of just about any self-respecting bloke these days, whether they exfoliate or not. So in combination with women's new found sexual freedom, career opportunities and socially accepted equality, the door has been flung open to what may be a better scenario for both parties after all, especially in the bedroom.
Men are renowned for losing their libidos as they pass their prime, which ironically is exactly when women start to find theirs. In addition to this, older women offer experience, wisdom, guidance, sexual appetite and motherly comfort in exchange for youth, vitality, sexuality and enthusiasm. Something often sorely lacking in respective partners of traditional ages.
Rule 3. No one worth dating can be found online
I don't know about you but we hardly have a single friend without a profile on some site or other. Lets face it, us RHP junkies all know the benefits and convenience of online dating. It's like being in the biggest nightclub in the world 24 hours, 7 days a week without having to walk out the door. But can you find love? Well I remember standing for hours in clubs, spilling drinks, fending of losers and then freezing up when I did finally meet someone I wanted to talk to!! What kind of chance does that give us at being ourselves and finding Mr/Ms Right?
Dating online gives us all a chance at a good first impression. We can express parts of ourselves we may normally be too shy to convey even before we meet. And no, I don't mean the parts that over enthusiastic young members emailed me last week! It also gives us a community of like-minded people and custom events we can connect at and learn from, plus it offers an infinite amount of chances at our first impressions.
But the real difference from 'hit and miss' the old-fashioned way is that it helps us sift the studs from the duds without ever having to climb out through the bathroom window of the club ever again. And on the occasions your virtual date becomes a real headache, there are thousands more opportunities to get it right and a bunch of people to sympathise with. What more could you want?
