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Aside from wowing you with astounding facts, scintillating insights and our hilarious repartee one of the points...
Bessie & Geoff | May 01 2009
Surviving Life’s Little Crunches
Aside from wowing you with astounding facts, scintillating insights and our hilarious repartee one of the points of this column is to actually try and make a difference in this crazy old world. So we decided in the spirit of the economic downturn, to help you put a bulge back in your pants where your wallet used to be, by showing you how to deal with some of life’s more emotionally and financially costly crunchy moments,
Things like:-
How to know when it’s really over – The Final Crunch!! How to face getting back into singledom – The Uncertainty Crunch How to fess up to yourself about what’s holding you back – the Reality Crunch
Ironically, not unlike our current global financial balls up, these kind of make or break moments we try to avoid at all cost, usually end up costing infinitely more when ignored. So why do we leave things we know we should tackle until they literally implode around us with an unsightly, gooey puddle of regret?
Taking the first bite!
The trick to initiating any successful crunch, be it change of job, habit or relationship is to know when enough is enough. Admitting the old jig is up! We have all cringed at the train wrecks other people call relationships whilst thinking ‘How can they be so blind?’, ‘Why does he/she put up with that’. So why do we find it so hard to admit things stink when it’s us sitting in our own pile of s#*t?
Well, recent studies show that highly emotive relationships cause a chemical dulling of perception in areas used for making rational judgment. Bizarrely enough this has been shown to affect a huge range of things from our ability to spot social cues, to tell if someone is lying, picking a new car, deciding on a haircut and choosing new friends.
So if you wake up after your break up and suddenly realise you had missed all the tell tales signs, hate your new car, hair, clothes and friends you can blame it squarely on your ex and the chemical lobotomy in your embattled scone!
You see our brains really, really, really hate being wrong. Especially about our beliefs and how we see ourselves. In relationships people have quite specific ‘self perceptions’ and even if they are as simple as ‘I’m a good person’ or ‘they really like me’, at the end of the day the one thing that you have to admit when it’s over, is some part of your belief or perception is WRONG.
Not only wrong about your feelings towards them, but wrong about theirs towards you as well. And what’s worse, all these perceived humiliating errors of judgement have been made in front of friends and family. Bringing into question, so our ego believes, our emotional intelligence, maturity, social smarts, attractiveness, likeability, reliability and a whole bunch of other very sensitive issues OOUCH!!! Is it any wonder we prefer to blame the other person or just suffer n squirm making our excuses as much for ourselves as everybody else?
The good news is that much of histories greatest people from Generals to Politicians, Pope’s, Playboys and Pop stars would probably not exist without this same ability for self delusion, flipped on its head to drive them forward rather than hold them back.
You see the illusion of self deception is a double edged sword. Fear, neediness, avoidance and procrastination or courage, a fresh outlook, new starts and hope. Both sides are self fulfilling prophecies so which side of your crunch will you choose to see?
Crunch Busters
Facing up to any crunch decision can be scary. Fortunately no matter which part of your life they appear at home, work or play, they take exactly the same set of skills to overcome.
1- Know what you want
The first rule of crunch busting is to know what it is you really want. Let’s take relationships – Does yours tick at least 1 of the list below?
• Relationships are supposed to be exciting, fun, sexy and passionate (NOTE: passionate does not mean lots of fights)
• Relationships are supposed to be a loving, nurturing shared experience, where each person’s goal is to ease life’s load for the other a little, not make it heavier
• Relationships are supposed to be inspiring, comforting and enjoyable making you want to be a better person
If not ask yourself ‘why am I in it’? Then listen to the crap you spout to justify not making a change either within or without. Remember when we let go of our need to justify our crappy situation, the path to our real happiness opens up!
2- No Good Politician ever admits they’re wrong
Ok so admitting we are wrong or need to change can shake the self esteem tree and wreak havoc on our inbuilt me-o-meters so why not look at things from another entirely different but valid perspective.
Rather than being wrong why not rephrase and be oh so right!
• My relationship has not gone wrong. I have simply learnt what I needed to from it so it no longer works for me like it used to.
• My feelings have changed because I have evolved thanks to the lessons learnt.
• I’m grateful for where I have been and who I have been with, but I’m even more excited to take the next step, moving on up to the next level of my life.
Our brain’s are designed to buy this kind of perception shift, that’s why governments and advertising agencies use it all the time and get away with it so often. But can you imagine how much less hassle and baggage we would have simply by looking at things from this flipped and equally valid perspective?
So start using your thoughts to think you out of your situation rather than wasting energy on excuses to think you back in!
3- Spin is not a sin! Be a politician and lie through your teeth
Remember it’s not self deception if you know you are doing it. It’s simply temporary self preservation and there is nothing wrong with a little of that when trying to smooth your way though a crunch. In fact it can be used to great advantage if each time you make an excuse and know it, you also acknowledge a little more of what you need to change. Each time stretching the box of comfort a little further making it a little less painful until you realise what’s outside is not nearly as scary as you previously thought.
4- The Stimulus Package
A great way to stretch the comfort box I mentioned above is to organise a little stimulus package. Things that help dull the cold as you take the plunge. Friends, holidays, hobbies, on-line chat, great sex, anything to pump the endorphins and remind yourself that there is life after this crunch!
5- Just do it!
Of course the more you validate and listen to the rambling excuses of your subconscious trying to avoid your problems the more real they become.
So don’t be a ‘banker’ with a W. Start using natures own self preservation method, and create a whole new perception of your situation.
Taking action now will avoid unnecessary crunchiness in the future. Just ask the President.
How to know when it’s really over – The Final Crunch!! How to face getting back into singledom – The Uncertainty Crunch How to fess up to yourself about what’s holding you back – the Reality Crunch
Ironically, not unlike our current global financial balls up, these kind of make or break moments we try to avoid at all cost, usually end up costing infinitely more when ignored. So why do we leave things we know we should tackle until they literally implode around us with an unsightly, gooey puddle of regret?
Taking the first bite!
The trick to initiating any successful crunch, be it change of job, habit or relationship is to know when enough is enough. Admitting the old jig is up! We have all cringed at the train wrecks other people call relationships whilst thinking ‘How can they be so blind?’, ‘Why does he/she put up with that’. So why do we find it so hard to admit things stink when it’s us sitting in our own pile of s#*t?
Well, recent studies show that highly emotive relationships cause a chemical dulling of perception in areas used for making rational judgment. Bizarrely enough this has been shown to affect a huge range of things from our ability to spot social cues, to tell if someone is lying, picking a new car, deciding on a haircut and choosing new friends.
So if you wake up after your break up and suddenly realise you had missed all the tell tales signs, hate your new car, hair, clothes and friends you can blame it squarely on your ex and the chemical lobotomy in your embattled scone!
You see our brains really, really, really hate being wrong. Especially about our beliefs and how we see ourselves. In relationships people have quite specific ‘self perceptions’ and even if they are as simple as ‘I’m a good person’ or ‘they really like me’, at the end of the day the one thing that you have to admit when it’s over, is some part of your belief or perception is WRONG.
Not only wrong about your feelings towards them, but wrong about theirs towards you as well. And what’s worse, all these perceived humiliating errors of judgement have been made in front of friends and family. Bringing into question, so our ego believes, our emotional intelligence, maturity, social smarts, attractiveness, likeability, reliability and a whole bunch of other very sensitive issues OOUCH!!! Is it any wonder we prefer to blame the other person or just suffer n squirm making our excuses as much for ourselves as everybody else?
The good news is that much of histories greatest people from Generals to Politicians, Pope’s, Playboys and Pop stars would probably not exist without this same ability for self delusion, flipped on its head to drive them forward rather than hold them back.
You see the illusion of self deception is a double edged sword. Fear, neediness, avoidance and procrastination or courage, a fresh outlook, new starts and hope. Both sides are self fulfilling prophecies so which side of your crunch will you choose to see?
Crunch Busters
Facing up to any crunch decision can be scary. Fortunately no matter which part of your life they appear at home, work or play, they take exactly the same set of skills to overcome.
1- Know what you want
The first rule of crunch busting is to know what it is you really want. Let’s take relationships – Does yours tick at least 1 of the list below?
• Relationships are supposed to be exciting, fun, sexy and passionate (NOTE: passionate does not mean lots of fights)
• Relationships are supposed to be a loving, nurturing shared experience, where each person’s goal is to ease life’s load for the other a little, not make it heavier
• Relationships are supposed to be inspiring, comforting and enjoyable making you want to be a better person
If not ask yourself ‘why am I in it’? Then listen to the crap you spout to justify not making a change either within or without. Remember when we let go of our need to justify our crappy situation, the path to our real happiness opens up!
2- No Good Politician ever admits they’re wrong
Ok so admitting we are wrong or need to change can shake the self esteem tree and wreak havoc on our inbuilt me-o-meters so why not look at things from another entirely different but valid perspective.
Rather than being wrong why not rephrase and be oh so right!
• My relationship has not gone wrong. I have simply learnt what I needed to from it so it no longer works for me like it used to.
• My feelings have changed because I have evolved thanks to the lessons learnt.
• I’m grateful for where I have been and who I have been with, but I’m even more excited to take the next step, moving on up to the next level of my life.
Our brain’s are designed to buy this kind of perception shift, that’s why governments and advertising agencies use it all the time and get away with it so often. But can you imagine how much less hassle and baggage we would have simply by looking at things from this flipped and equally valid perspective?
So start using your thoughts to think you out of your situation rather than wasting energy on excuses to think you back in!
3- Spin is not a sin! Be a politician and lie through your teeth
Remember it’s not self deception if you know you are doing it. It’s simply temporary self preservation and there is nothing wrong with a little of that when trying to smooth your way though a crunch. In fact it can be used to great advantage if each time you make an excuse and know it, you also acknowledge a little more of what you need to change. Each time stretching the box of comfort a little further making it a little less painful until you realise what’s outside is not nearly as scary as you previously thought.
4- The Stimulus Package
A great way to stretch the comfort box I mentioned above is to organise a little stimulus package. Things that help dull the cold as you take the plunge. Friends, holidays, hobbies, on-line chat, great sex, anything to pump the endorphins and remind yourself that there is life after this crunch!
5- Just do it!
Of course the more you validate and listen to the rambling excuses of your subconscious trying to avoid your problems the more real they become.
So don’t be a ‘banker’ with a W. Start using natures own self preservation method, and create a whole new perception of your situation.
Taking action now will avoid unnecessary crunchiness in the future. Just ask the President.
