Articles
It’s kind of ironic that the only thing in life we can be sure won’t change is the fact that everything changes....
Bessie & Geoff | July 01 2009
Little changes for big results!
It’s kind of ironic that the only thing in life we can be sure won’t change is the fact that everything changes. Whether you love it or hate it, without change we humans probably wouldn’t exist and neither would all the lovely toys we get to play with everyday, like RHP and the internet.
Of course when I say ‘change’ I’m not talking about simply your underwear or brand of toothpaste. I’m talking about change that is both scary and liberating at the same time. Confronting things we know we should be moving out of our lives to make room for the new: often the unknown and uncertain, but always the better whether it seems that way at first or not.
As it happens this month dear reader change could indeed afoot. I thought it might be time to look at how we could initiate our own brand of change. Develop our own set of fresh attitudes and behaviours and embrace our own style of new and irrepressible delights.
THE PLUNGE
The art of taking the plunge, following your dream and embracing change is something I have studied for many years so you would think I would be an expert at it by now. The truth is it doesn’t matter how many times you jump into icy water your danglies are always going to shrivel up at some point. Change is rarely supposed to be pain free. In fact for many it’s partly the pain that heightens the pleasure in the end, as I’m sure our more adventurous RHP brothers and sisters will attest to. However strangely enough, humans are built to both resist and crave change all at the same time, which explains all those abandoned and unfulfilled good intentions and new years resolutions littering our memory with guilt.
It also explains why so many people stay in bad relationships so long (because they can’t face change) and others cheat so often (because they desperately need change).
So how do we embrace our inbuilt schizophrenic, responsible for sabotaging or saving so many of our life changing decisions? From the quality of our relationships, outlook on life and career, to our own self perception, happiness and self esteem.
Truth is most of us are intrinsically lazy and only deal with change when our noses are rubbed in it like a naughty puppy. This is one of the reasons change seems so dramatic and painful. Because our experience has usually been forced upon us: last resort and uninvited. A little like waking up to a bikini wax.
But lasting and effective change does not always have to be like this. If you want to make things new or fresh in any area of your life from your relationships to your career, self improvement or sex life, research shows that micro-changes are far more effective. Simple, small, subtle but sincere little adjustments that slowly and painlessly ‘phase out’ old patterns by doing things slightly differently every day:-
• Take a different route home – Literally! Directions that is, although the other type can be equally as liberating
• Re organise habits – Don’t give stuff up if it hurts. Just do it at different times and in different ways
• Kiss, touch her/him in different places, different ways exploring new sensations
• Talk and act with a different attitude and energy, a little every day. Do it as a joke if you prefer but notice how it feels to be that person.
• Put on (or take off) something you normally wouldn’t and ‘own’ the look.
• Find new ways to see the world from other people’s perspective – Eat, drink or party somewhere you wouldn’t normally go.
• Take life at a different speed – slow down or speed up, opposite to your usual behaviour.
• Chat on line about something you are curious about but afraid to embrace.
The list is endless, the effort minimal and the results astounding.
Amazingly you really don’t have to plunge into pain to embrace change and alter the quality of your life forever. You only need to not sabotage the micro-changes you do make.
With no big scary life altering change to deal with it means no more battles with all those fear, comfort & stress hormones lying in wait to drive us kicking and screaming back to our old selves and mediocrity.
Just take a look in the mirror to see what 10/20/30 years of tiny biological and mental micro-changes do to you, for better or worse. Like a good orgasm, lasting change is many little micro movements that culminate in an oh oh ohhhh so much bigger result!!! Imagine all you would miss if you gave up on stroke 3 because you couldn’t see the results!!
So it seems the most powerful and lasting method of change turns out to also be the most insignificant. As just ONE simple invisible thought can alter the rest of your life forever if you repeat it, don’t fight it and let it sink in.
However the biggest enemy to micro-change is not our will power or our ability. It’s our self sabotage, doubting internal dialogue and erroneous belief that real results should happen NOW.
THE TRICK
So why do we make it so hard for ourselves?? Because as much as we may argue otherwise, most people are morbidly happy in their misery and mediocrity! There is something comforting about being able to whinge about our situation and not actually do anything about it…right?
Well that’s the beauty of the micro change. You never have to compromise the part of you that likes the hole you have been wallowing in.
What do I mean? Well believe it or not you can literally ‘trick’ yourself into change without hardly even noticing.
You see the subconscious, the part responsible for holding you back from change, is not very bright, as anyone stuck in a stupid self destructive habit, relationship or job they hate well knows. It doesn’t work on logic, but on emotions, so it literally ‘can’t hear’ you making plans and only kicks in by firing up the fight or flight response when it perceives a threat to the status quo, e.g. big change or loss.
That’s why big ‘good intentions’ rarely work long term. The bigger the change the bigger the feeling, the bigger the threat the harder your subconscious kicks in to bring you back into ‘comfort & equilibrium’: in other words where you started.
So why not treat your change like cooking a lobster. Start it off in cold water, uneventful, safe and bring it to the boil slowly over time until it falls asleep and your ‘anti change’ warning system literally won’t notice the micro differences you have made until it’s to late .
MAKING A CHANGE
So dear reader let this month be a month of change. I don’t mean scary, hard ones, I mean a change in how you see what it really takes to make lasting life altering changes.
No more big ‘will power’ workouts that do nothing but exhaust your emotions and leave you feeling like a failure. From now on just make tiny micro-changes and relax as mother nature does all the work, changing you one neuron at a time.
• Remember micro changes are often more effective than big painful ones
• Don’t look for results – ONLY look to reinforce your micro change. It’s a journey
• You can NEVER blow it or fail as long as there is another moment to make another micro change
• DON’T beat yourself up or judge your efforts. That’s the ONLY thing that can temporarily slow down your progress.
• If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong - don’t wake up your sleeping subconscious.
Remember what’s at stake - the entire world, amazing relationships, out of this world sexual encounters, deep friendships, great careers and a happy life are all only a micro change a day away.
Of course when I say ‘change’ I’m not talking about simply your underwear or brand of toothpaste. I’m talking about change that is both scary and liberating at the same time. Confronting things we know we should be moving out of our lives to make room for the new: often the unknown and uncertain, but always the better whether it seems that way at first or not.
As it happens this month dear reader change could indeed afoot. I thought it might be time to look at how we could initiate our own brand of change. Develop our own set of fresh attitudes and behaviours and embrace our own style of new and irrepressible delights.
THE PLUNGE
The art of taking the plunge, following your dream and embracing change is something I have studied for many years so you would think I would be an expert at it by now. The truth is it doesn’t matter how many times you jump into icy water your danglies are always going to shrivel up at some point. Change is rarely supposed to be pain free. In fact for many it’s partly the pain that heightens the pleasure in the end, as I’m sure our more adventurous RHP brothers and sisters will attest to. However strangely enough, humans are built to both resist and crave change all at the same time, which explains all those abandoned and unfulfilled good intentions and new years resolutions littering our memory with guilt.
It also explains why so many people stay in bad relationships so long (because they can’t face change) and others cheat so often (because they desperately need change).
So how do we embrace our inbuilt schizophrenic, responsible for sabotaging or saving so many of our life changing decisions? From the quality of our relationships, outlook on life and career, to our own self perception, happiness and self esteem.
Truth is most of us are intrinsically lazy and only deal with change when our noses are rubbed in it like a naughty puppy. This is one of the reasons change seems so dramatic and painful. Because our experience has usually been forced upon us: last resort and uninvited. A little like waking up to a bikini wax.
But lasting and effective change does not always have to be like this. If you want to make things new or fresh in any area of your life from your relationships to your career, self improvement or sex life, research shows that micro-changes are far more effective. Simple, small, subtle but sincere little adjustments that slowly and painlessly ‘phase out’ old patterns by doing things slightly differently every day:-
• Take a different route home – Literally! Directions that is, although the other type can be equally as liberating
• Re organise habits – Don’t give stuff up if it hurts. Just do it at different times and in different ways
• Kiss, touch her/him in different places, different ways exploring new sensations
• Talk and act with a different attitude and energy, a little every day. Do it as a joke if you prefer but notice how it feels to be that person.
• Put on (or take off) something you normally wouldn’t and ‘own’ the look.
• Find new ways to see the world from other people’s perspective – Eat, drink or party somewhere you wouldn’t normally go.
• Take life at a different speed – slow down or speed up, opposite to your usual behaviour.
• Chat on line about something you are curious about but afraid to embrace.
The list is endless, the effort minimal and the results astounding.
Amazingly you really don’t have to plunge into pain to embrace change and alter the quality of your life forever. You only need to not sabotage the micro-changes you do make.
With no big scary life altering change to deal with it means no more battles with all those fear, comfort & stress hormones lying in wait to drive us kicking and screaming back to our old selves and mediocrity.
Just take a look in the mirror to see what 10/20/30 years of tiny biological and mental micro-changes do to you, for better or worse. Like a good orgasm, lasting change is many little micro movements that culminate in an oh oh ohhhh so much bigger result!!! Imagine all you would miss if you gave up on stroke 3 because you couldn’t see the results!!
So it seems the most powerful and lasting method of change turns out to also be the most insignificant. As just ONE simple invisible thought can alter the rest of your life forever if you repeat it, don’t fight it and let it sink in.
However the biggest enemy to micro-change is not our will power or our ability. It’s our self sabotage, doubting internal dialogue and erroneous belief that real results should happen NOW.
THE TRICK
So why do we make it so hard for ourselves?? Because as much as we may argue otherwise, most people are morbidly happy in their misery and mediocrity! There is something comforting about being able to whinge about our situation and not actually do anything about it…right?
Well that’s the beauty of the micro change. You never have to compromise the part of you that likes the hole you have been wallowing in.
What do I mean? Well believe it or not you can literally ‘trick’ yourself into change without hardly even noticing.
You see the subconscious, the part responsible for holding you back from change, is not very bright, as anyone stuck in a stupid self destructive habit, relationship or job they hate well knows. It doesn’t work on logic, but on emotions, so it literally ‘can’t hear’ you making plans and only kicks in by firing up the fight or flight response when it perceives a threat to the status quo, e.g. big change or loss.
That’s why big ‘good intentions’ rarely work long term. The bigger the change the bigger the feeling, the bigger the threat the harder your subconscious kicks in to bring you back into ‘comfort & equilibrium’: in other words where you started.
So why not treat your change like cooking a lobster. Start it off in cold water, uneventful, safe and bring it to the boil slowly over time until it falls asleep and your ‘anti change’ warning system literally won’t notice the micro differences you have made until it’s to late .
MAKING A CHANGE
So dear reader let this month be a month of change. I don’t mean scary, hard ones, I mean a change in how you see what it really takes to make lasting life altering changes.
No more big ‘will power’ workouts that do nothing but exhaust your emotions and leave you feeling like a failure. From now on just make tiny micro-changes and relax as mother nature does all the work, changing you one neuron at a time.
• Remember micro changes are often more effective than big painful ones
• Don’t look for results – ONLY look to reinforce your micro change. It’s a journey
• You can NEVER blow it or fail as long as there is another moment to make another micro change
• DON’T beat yourself up or judge your efforts. That’s the ONLY thing that can temporarily slow down your progress.
• If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong - don’t wake up your sleeping subconscious.
Remember what’s at stake - the entire world, amazing relationships, out of this world sexual encounters, deep friendships, great careers and a happy life are all only a micro change a day away.
