Articles
Have you forgotten how to have fun in your relationships?
No I’m not just talking to those of you who have...
RedHotPie Editor | May 03 2010
Keeping it light to find Mr/Ms Right
Have you forgotten how to have fun in your relationships?
No I’m not just talking to those of you who have been dating for some time, although this is definitely a question you need to ask yourself.
I’m talking to the boys and girls out there in dating land who have decided they have been to enough balls and kissed enough frogs, and it’s now time to start looking for a ‘real’ relationship. Whatever that might mean to you.
I have noticed over the past few years that we have collected a number of friends who have become deadly serious about the dating game, wanting, nay, expecting more from their dates. They’re making compatibility lists, reading numerous books, stating their intentions up front and generally turning the whole thing into a military operation or a board room takeover bid.
Now on one level upping your game and trying to find a more permanent or compatible partner can be a very healthy move. Many people join dating sites just like RHP because they really, really do want that someone special in their lives.
But great relationships are not quite as simple as that. They require that we continue to take risks with our hearts and hopes, again and again and again, being as open now as the first time we stepped out. It’s this openness, playfulness and self-acceptance that will draw the right kind of people towards us.
Let’s face it, who wants to get into bed with a single minded, lean, mean, serious relationship hunter with an agenda and manifesto you had no part in writing. And more importantly still, what room does that kind of attitude leave for ‘loves’ greatest allies: surprises and spontaneity.
Focusing so single-mindedly on finding Mr/Ms right is one of the main reasons that many never find what they’re looking for, instead they’ll often find themselves settling for something more akin to an arranged marriage.
Remember what you wanted at 16 is not what you wanted at 20 and neither will it be what you will want when you are 50. So the truth is when you get too fussy and serious about your expectations, it’s quite possible you will be ruling out the very person you could happily spend the rest of your life with.
If you want that special someone, lighten up and stay that way!
5 tips to keeping it fun
1- Date the unusual – Try dating people you would never normally take out. Have some fun with this and rather than noticing all the things that DON’T match your tick list, become aware of the person inside, trying to do the same thing you are. Find a partner!
2- Look at every date as a present to be unwrapped and explored for what it is, not a job interview for a potential partner.
3- Get out and do fun things – You’ll find like minded fun people doing like minded fun things. Don’t expect more from them than this and you’ll give them a chance to see the real you.
4- Don’t force relationships - A plant won’t grow if it’s over watered. Let people have their own agenda rather than trying to squeeze them into yours. You will find they will love you more for this and you will be a lot less disappointed in life.
5- Remember it’s okay to have different people provide different ‘services’ for you – Don’t try and squeeze all your needs into one person. It’s a huge ask and you set them up to fail. Instead list the people around you who satisfy you in different ways, mentally physically etc and acknowledge them for the role they play.
No I’m not just talking to those of you who have been dating for some time, although this is definitely a question you need to ask yourself.
I’m talking to the boys and girls out there in dating land who have decided they have been to enough balls and kissed enough frogs, and it’s now time to start looking for a ‘real’ relationship. Whatever that might mean to you.
I have noticed over the past few years that we have collected a number of friends who have become deadly serious about the dating game, wanting, nay, expecting more from their dates. They’re making compatibility lists, reading numerous books, stating their intentions up front and generally turning the whole thing into a military operation or a board room takeover bid.
Now on one level upping your game and trying to find a more permanent or compatible partner can be a very healthy move. Many people join dating sites just like RHP because they really, really do want that someone special in their lives.
But great relationships are not quite as simple as that. They require that we continue to take risks with our hearts and hopes, again and again and again, being as open now as the first time we stepped out. It’s this openness, playfulness and self-acceptance that will draw the right kind of people towards us.
Let’s face it, who wants to get into bed with a single minded, lean, mean, serious relationship hunter with an agenda and manifesto you had no part in writing. And more importantly still, what room does that kind of attitude leave for ‘loves’ greatest allies: surprises and spontaneity.
Focusing so single-mindedly on finding Mr/Ms right is one of the main reasons that many never find what they’re looking for, instead they’ll often find themselves settling for something more akin to an arranged marriage.
Remember what you wanted at 16 is not what you wanted at 20 and neither will it be what you will want when you are 50. So the truth is when you get too fussy and serious about your expectations, it’s quite possible you will be ruling out the very person you could happily spend the rest of your life with.
If you want that special someone, lighten up and stay that way!
5 tips to keeping it fun
1- Date the unusual – Try dating people you would never normally take out. Have some fun with this and rather than noticing all the things that DON’T match your tick list, become aware of the person inside, trying to do the same thing you are. Find a partner!
2- Look at every date as a present to be unwrapped and explored for what it is, not a job interview for a potential partner.
3- Get out and do fun things – You’ll find like minded fun people doing like minded fun things. Don’t expect more from them than this and you’ll give them a chance to see the real you.
4- Don’t force relationships - A plant won’t grow if it’s over watered. Let people have their own agenda rather than trying to squeeze them into yours. You will find they will love you more for this and you will be a lot less disappointed in life.
5- Remember it’s okay to have different people provide different ‘services’ for you – Don’t try and squeeze all your needs into one person. It’s a huge ask and you set them up to fail. Instead list the people around you who satisfy you in different ways, mentally physically etc and acknowledge them for the role they play.
