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Eat out to help out – that’s the slogan Rishi Sunak is using to encourage us all to head out to restaurants post-lockdown amid the coronavirus pandemic. It also happens to be a great mantra for non-restaurant things, by which we mean sex.

Straight women continue to be the people experiencing the fewest orgasms, and the priority on penetration – and thus the neglecting of clitoral stimulation – may be the cause. An easy way to up your partner’s please? Oral sex. Or eating out. To help out. Is everyone getting this tenuous connection?

To up your oral sex skills and get more of us eating out to help out, we’ve asked experts for their essential cunnilingus tips. Try these.

Build up to clitoral action
Sounds obvious, but don’t dive straight down to licking the clit with no action beforehand. Teasing what’s to come can be a massive turn-on. Kiss and gently touch the inner thighs, kiss your way down their body, and build up the desire until your partner is fully turned on before you get into the actual oral sex bit.

Play with positions 
When you think of going down on your partner, you’re likely think of one samey position. Perhaps them lying back on the bed, knees bent, with your head between their legs. Mix it up! There are loads of different ways to go down, many of which can enhance pleasure. Come at it from behind, with them on all fours, or try positioning your partner on the side of the bed with you kneeling on the ground.

‘Every single set of genitals are different, with different sensitive spots and pleasure zones, which vary from person to person,’ says Lovehoney sex and relationship expert Annabelle Knight. ‘Cunnilingus doesn’t have to be static. In fact, the more positions you try the more likely you are to find one that works especially well for you and your partner. ‘Switching positions, just like you do during sex, increases your chances of discovering that perfect combination and ups the pleasure factor.’

Use your hands 
Don’t strain your neck and give yourself a tongue cramp trying to do everything with your mouth. Get your fingers involved – insert your fingers and do a come hither motion to stimulate the G-spot as you lick the clit, or simply spread the labia apart to more easily access the area.

Go under the hood
‘Many women prefer to have their clitoral hood licked,’ says Annabelle. ‘This is a fold of skin that covers the actual glans of the cilitoris and which is extremely sensitive.’ Don’t be scared. Gently slide back the hood, lick it, and lick the clit directly. Just be slow and gentle. No rapidfire DJ-ing motions or aggressive biting, please (unless your partner has said this is what they like). 

Comfort is key 
One thing that often holds people back from experiencing pleasure when receiving oral is feeling self-conscious about the way they smell, taste, or look. Annabelle recommends a romantic bath or shower before starting oral to relieve those worries – but remember that your vagina isn’t supposed to smell of roses and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Flavoured lubricants can also help to tackle any insecurities about taste and smell.
Ask your partner what they like 
You know who’s likely an expert on what your sex buddy enjoys? Your sex buddy. As we’ve said, everyone’s different, and while the tips in this piece should work to improve your oral sex game, the best way to get your partner off is by checking in to see if there are specific things that drive them wild. Showing, rather than telling, can work brilliantly – and be pretty hot.

Let them take control
Being on the receiving end of oral can feel a bit passive, but there’s no need for your partner to just lie back and put up with something that’s not working. Encourage them to guide you. ‘Being in control of your own pleasure is hugely erotic and can be a massive turn on, not just for you, but for your partner as well,’ says Annabelle. ‘This includes adding to your pleasure by self stimulation of any of your other erogenous zones.’

Explore your tongue technique
Please, please, don’t stick rigidly to one technique you read online. Especially the one about drawing the alphabet with your tongue. Yes, we can tell that’s what you’re doing, and it’s deeply distracting. Switch things up and try different methods. Go up and down, side to side, in slow circles, do light sucking. Try using just the tip of your tongue then laying your tongue flat and doing broader licks.

Different people like different rhythms and motions. Try different ones out and tune into how your partner is responding to. And please, if they say ‘don’t stop’ or ‘keep going’, don’t suddenly pause or change up to another motion. Keep doing exactly what you’re doing.

Set the scene 
So much of sexual pleasure is down to the mental, not the physical. Relaxation is key, so make sure your oral sex sesh is at a time when neither of you are feeling stressed out, exhausted, or under time pressure – whether that’s because they have other things to be doing or they’re trying to rush through it so they can get some sleep.

Use toys
There should be no shame in bringing in a helping hand to bring your partner pleasure. Annabelle says: ‘Don’t be afraid to use toys – cunnilingus is all about providing as much pleasure as possible and sometimes a helping hand from a sex toy can be just what the doctor ordered.

‘I’d recommend petite and discreet toys that are easy to manoeuvre, for example the Lovehoney Dream Bullet. Or, why not experiment with temperature play with a Glass Dildo? Put the dildo in the fridge for 20 minutes before you start – the tingle from its cold temperature can heighten the senses and add extra stimulation to cunnilingus.’

Pay attention to feedback
It’s worth asking your partner directly what works for them, but there are other cues you can take to know if something is doing the trick. Pay attention to how much your partner is moaning, how they’re breathing, and if they’re tilting their hips towards you or using their hands to keep you steady. These are all signs they’re liking what you’re doing. 

Go deeper (mentally)
Get to know how both you and your partner experience desire and pleasure. Roleplaying might do the trick or just feeling desired. The mental and emotional side of things is hugely important and shouldn’t be overlooked for the sake of physical techniques.

Dr Anna Hushlak, the co-founder of Ferly, says: ‘We’ve been taught that sex is about ‘doing it’ rather than taking the time to understand how we feel about it. ‘However, for most women desire is stimulated by our minds and then felt in our bodies. This is known as responsive desire.’ Anna recommends using MBCT (mindfulness-based cognitive therapy) to allow you and your partner to explore your relationships to love and sex alone before you head to the bedroom. 

Explore erogenous zones
Dr Hushlak also recommends body mapping, either solo or during a partner during oral sex. This is exploring different erogenous zones and seeing what works. Try touching different parts of the body, such as the inner thigh, as you go down.

Go further down
Check with your partner beforehand if they’re interested in anal play. If they are, light licking of the perineum and the outer rim of the anus can feel incredible – just make sure you never go from the butt back to the vagina so you don’t mingle bacteria.

Source: metro.co.uk

Do you have any signature oral sex moves? Or had a move used on you that you loved? Share them with us below in the comments!