Being straightforward is worthy?

May 24 2024

Me again with one of those topics that bc an be a bit controversial, but who doesn’t enjoy a bit of controversy??
I’ve come across a few people that stated on their profiles a few things that suggest they like to be straightforward or upfront and also mentioned that they aren’t into “endless” messaging, that they actually rather meeting up and see what happens.
All those kind of profiles are my way to go, however, after we establish a conversation and I’m straightforward about meeting, out of the sudden the conversations are over.
So, my question here is, why do you put something like that or describe yourself with those characteristics, if you aren’t able to copy with your own rules? Or am I the problem when messing?

Comments

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    19 days ago

    Put it this way, I like to met within a week. If I feel pressured in any shape or form or the other decides for me or they think what's best for me. I'm out! Doesn't matter how "straight forward", desperate or needy they are. I'm done! I owe them nothing.

    Ms Foxy

  • Opalrose

    Opalrose

    19 days ago

    Because they aren’t looking to agree with your terms. You don’t get to decide their rules, mood, availability. That’s all. Move on.

  • MrandMrsEss

    MrandMrsEss

    18 days ago

    As usual there’s a myriad of reasons that meets don’t happen in a timely manner. For us it’s geographical, if we do find time it’s usually a whole weekend needed and at least 4 hours of travel. We haven’t enjoyed hooking up on first dates so that’s a long way to go for an introduction. It’s almost always “when are you coming to Sydney” too as it’s rare that someone can be bothered traveling more than 10 minutes from their home but the expectation is that we will organised our kids and animals to be minded and head on down after only the briefest of chats.
    In recent times we have enjoyed just coming out and going to events or just nightclubs for a dance and meeting whoever wants to meet us there. Most times people can’t even be bothered with that effort.
    As we desire few but real connections it actually isn’t as bad as it sounds as it keeps the old body count down, which is our preference but mind you we’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to indulge in someone else’s flesh!

  • FeistyFatty

    FeistyFatty

    18 days ago

    Much like your previous threads, hardly "controversial" lol

    But here's how I roll, always have and always will.
    If there's mutual physical attraction, mutually complimentary personalities and exact match on sexual interest/involvement..... Then, I will invite on a specific day and time within the week. If I don't tell you up front and send an address/time/day within a few days of chatting..... Its not coming.
    I respond negatively to others who initiate an invitation for themselves, invite me or say "Would love to catch up soon or we should meet etc".... Never liked it. I prefer to initiate and be autonomous in my own progression to meeting/playing. Especially for my group meets, as I have the whole dynamic of the group to consider. And it doesn't take long to ascertain if someone is a match for that or not. But I will decide that NOT the other party.

  • nightingale8

    nightingale8

    18 days ago

    Online is a minefield.

    Direct is, I’m interested to meet you as I’m feeling good about you.

    (Don’t quote that lol I’ve more than likely got it wrong. The gist is be direct about your interest if you like)

    Telling her what should happen before she’s agreed goes beyond direct to pushy. Why? You’re still strangers whispering from behind walls. She’s got more to lose so she will make the call.

    Unless she’s feeling spontaneous. Then ignore all of the above

  • NeoAndTrin

    NeoAndTrin

    18 days ago

    Some interesting observations to be had reading the comments in this thread.

    On one hand it seems the man still has to initiate and engage the woman's interests in order to get a response.

    But then the guy has to now wait for the gal to actually be the one to suggest the meetup IRL.

    Am I reading that correctly?

  • boobsandbusted

    boobsandbusted

    18 days ago

    To me straightforward means black and white they like you or they don’t,,there is no time wasting grey area ,because they are just straightforward and know what they want ,

    Mr b

  • boobsandbusted

    boobsandbusted

    17 days ago

    Ps ,possibly your lack of understanding is also clouded by being a nice guy who doesn’t see it from a
    Serial pests or assholes point of view , and there are many ,that’s a good thing ,but sadly for good guys the assholes and the pests that dont take no for an answer no matter which ever way it’s put politely or rudely ,they wrecked it for everyone

  • Felicitous

    Felicitous

    17 days ago

    Andrea I really resonate and align with many of your comments.
    I actually way preferred the man making the first move and if he did and the 'vibe' wasn't there or if I felt pressured too early on, I'd politely decline.

    Foxy still our body our rules but.. personally I want to feel desired and 'wanted' and part of that for me personally ties in with an element of him organising such things.

    Each to our own 🤷🏻‍♀️
    Isn't that exactly the most delicious part of all of this 💓

    OP if people aren't responding or going quiet. Could be several reasons but I'd say the top 2 are
    1. They've been harassed or hurt after previously "doing the right thing" and rejecting and so it's preferred now to avoid such confrontation.
    As soon as and when they realise they aren't interested they disengage in silence.
    2. They might not be who they are projecting and never had intention to meet in the first place.

    Doesn't necessarily have anything to do with anyone been worthy or worthless... There's a whole other aspect of 'silence' that has to do with self preservation for many and there is no 'right or wrong' in any of that.

  • RagnarPrime

    RagnarPrime

    17 days ago

    You get a sense after a while - a mix of rejection and successes is a good educator.

    I’m direct and if the chat flows I’ll ask within a day or two for a coffee meet. Either it’s a yes or a no. Pretty easy.

    I’d say after 10 years of online dating you find a style of conversation that suits you. Those who match it generally want to meet.

    Those who don’t - it fizzles out real quick and never gets to the stage of asking the question.

  • Alexis

    Alexis

    17 days ago

    Wow some interesting reading here.

    First off, I think the idea of waiting for someone else to suggest a meet is completely INSANE!! You will be waiting forever. In particular if you're waiting for women to do that. I reckon probably about 2% of women will ask a guy out.

    I saw recently that Bumble has ditched the feature that women need to make the first move because of feedback that it was "too much work or a burden." It's still very much a part of our dating culture that women expect men to make the first move and organise the date. Not everyone, but the majority I'd say. The idea that men should pay for it is dwindling, but some people still hold that view.

    Second the idea that either party gets to make some sort of final call on the meet seems absurd to me. Surely it needs to be a mutual decision that both agree to that makes a meet up happen??

    What would happen if a woman wanted to meet me but I wasn't that keen? Am I under some sort of social obligation to go because she has the final call?

    Anyway, that's my rant for the day. Now I'll answer your question.

    I think it's best to slowly introduce the idea of meeting into the conversation and gauge their response along the way to get an idea if you should go for it and directly suggest a meet up.

    For example, after a bit of chat, if you're feeling like there's good a vibe ask things like "So how do you like to do things? Do you usually meet for a drink first?"

    Or you could say "you seem really great, it would be nice to meet up for a drink sometime" and see how they respond.

    I think if you just ask out of the blue it's like the conversation goes from 50km/h to 150km/h in one sentence, which can overwhelm people. That's often when they go silent. Like RagnarPrime said, you need to feel how the conversation is going and time your messages accordingly. Suggesting a phone call or a video chat is also a great way to move the conversation along in a really non-threatening way.

    One thing to always keep in mind is that women take are taking an enormous risk being on this site and meeting up with people from here only compounds that. I've had a few women tell me about sexual assaults that have happened from meetups. I honestly think it's impossible to fully understand this as a guy.

    So, in general, the threshold of trust that needs to be formed before a meetup happens is much higher for women than it is for men. If you haven't met that threshold then going silent is the easiest way out. Because men quite often get aggressive when we get rejected. Or it's just super awkward to say "I'm a little bit interested in you but I don't trust you enough yet."

    Anyway, the whole thing is just ridiculously confusing because everyone is different and some people don't want to chat at all and are happy to meet after 5 minutes.

    Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

  • Sensualdan

    Sensualdan

    16 days ago

    Interesting reading! And probably just summed up by each to their own- with a side of safety thrown in. For the ladies.
    I have no advice - I haven’t asked or been asked out from this site - but be honest and true to yourself it’s usually attractive to the right person.

    Main reason for posting was something that made me chuckle last year on bumble. When opening a conversation on line I try to add something more than “hi how are you” but on bumble than was pretty much all I got. This lead to 2 thoughts (1) - us men are pretty easy ( probable) which leads to (2) women just are not that good/used to opening and possibly just lazy knowing men will respond🤷‍♂️😂

  • calibre

    calibre

    12 days ago

    In my experience any profile that states that sort of thing are just the type of guys that thrive off drama they said they don’t do drama yet they create situations which in their knowledge knowing will piss you off so they can accuse you of being crazy it does my head in. I crave sexual connection intimacy and to feel wanted I find a bit of a lead up is a turn on and in the meantime get each other going. But I am yet to find that with another person I find the fwb thing isn’t very common in the sense that only very few males and female can interact this way without crossing the line of when can contact each other or msgs each other without being needy etc etc

  • CandiKane

    CandiKane

    7 days ago

    I don’t know why so many see expressing a desire to meet as a challenge to their rights or something presumptuous. I can only assume they see it as the “next step” in a goal orientated process.
    I (Mr here btw) will freely express such desires and do so when I feel them. I view it as open unguarded honesty, a quality I greatly appreciate in others too and what I would take “straightforward and upfront” to mean. When I express something like a desire to meet it doesn’t come with any expectations, set terms or mean I don’t want to talk any more. It simply and only means just that, I feel the desire. Yes, many are always trying to read between the lines, squish you into their narrative and assume greater meaning etc… I hate it! If your example were to happen to me, I would gladly let them go. I agree, anyone who asks for straightforward and upfront should know how to handle it, what it means and doesn’t mean and be expected to reciprocate.

  • just_looking_4_u

    just_looking_4_u

    7 days ago

    I find that a lot of the time they are all talk and ghost when it comes to meeting, and yet their profile says that they prefer to meet??