They say a god shag can be like a good holiday. The anticipation, the adventures, the road trip along your body and the rest and relaxation once all the wild parts are over. Its like a trip to a theme park, maybe wet and wild.

A bad shag is like a trip to the back of bumfuck. Its not quiet the place it looked like on the internet.
What is described on the broucher as in five star turns out to be one star and that’s an exaggeration.

Now and again, well everyone takes one for the team.

I was at a cocktail party, had on my sexy skin coloured silky cocktail dress.
There was this guy, who was a bit of a ladies man, so he thought. He advertised but could he deliver the goodies?

He was chatting up all the girls, the party was at a friend of his house.

Now I am not a drinker, but that night I had a few cocktails, and started to feel a bit merry. I was dancing the night away, doing my shimmy and grind against anything that moved.

This guy was coming on strong and my cocktail goggles started to make him seem like a good idea at the time. Now for me to get down and dirty with a man, I need that kiss that spark to ignite me.
If memory serves he did kiss me but latched on like a sucker fish, and me too drunk to realise I was in a remake of alien.

The party guests left and there was just me and my would be lover and the host.
So he decides to take me to the spare bedroom.
We fumble in the dark and end up on the floor, one boob out, with him going on my nipple like he was never a breast fed baby. More sucker fish to lips and a quick unzip and I am getting my warning Will Robinson as he tries to put it in, he takes his best shot and keeps missing me.

Now the floor is wood

Each time, and god this must have hurt,he kept hitting the floor boards with his cock.
I am no help as I am starting to get the giggles.
He starts cursing and says for fuck sake help me out here, my cock is hitting the floorboards.

The host who is in the next room, shouts out to him
Come on “Floorboards” get that cock inside and stop ruining my floors
From that day on the guys nick name became Floorboards it was a small town and word got around

I ended up, hitching up my knickers , kicking of my heels and walking “barefoot in the park” home.