M58
Why do some girls want a husband, but not Sex ?
August 19 2021
Don't get me wrong, my wife is a great person always there for others, always helping others and of course religious.
It got worse over the years with so many excuses that in the finally almost 20 years ago I did not even feel sexually attracted to her anymore . Thankfully my work required me to travel a lot and I started affairs, taking care of my needs, as well as the nice girls I met (no prostitutes). Please note I always told them my status and it did not bother them, they (3 affairs in 15 years) just liked me and wanted to be with me, and I did not even feel guilty. I'd rather had a relationship like that with my wife, but that was not an option anymore.
Though my wife suspected me all these years to have an affair she did not talk or want to know about it, as long as I stay with her. However, one Lady decided to want more and marry me, and showed up at my house, coming from overseas. Since it has been terrible, trust gone, travel not possible due to Covid-19 and she does not want to talk about it.
She says that she loves me very much but Sex is not love and I am addicted to Sex, because anybody wanting it more than once a month is a Sex addict.
Please, understand, my wife has always been attractive, kind, and loving, but like a sister, she would have been the perfect nun. We have been together for so long, she was my first, I took her to the most beautiful places around the world and loved to see her happy, but in the end, my sacrifice was not to have an intimate relationship.
I realize this is more for people over 40, but now I really wonder if she is right?
Do girls just want a husband, don't enjoy sex and only play along?
Should I have divorced her just because of that.
Comments
evo67
3 years ago
Mate all I can say is each to their own. We all have different wants and needs, so if your wants are different from your wife’s it doesn’t mean they are either right or wrong. I myself wouldn’t have went behind her back as that can really hurt, hurt more than the truth ever will( my first wife was seeing my best mate without my knowledge). Everybody is different and need the respect of their own choices, but to answer your questions I don’t believe all women only have sex because of marriage my now wife for the last 25 years loves sex even more than myself. So as I said each to their own different strokes for different folks
RHP User
3 years ago
You can count me out if that stat!!
Our sex life is so much better than before when we were making our own family or restrictions with younger children. I feel so much more comfortable in my skin and as a result, become the seductress I am which has also given us confidence for open conversation to lead us to this lifestyle no matter what the capacity.
sw1ng3rz
3 years ago
I (mrs) can’t say for everyone but for myself I have a higher sex drive than my husband. There are shit days obviously that takes the wind out of your sails but in general I would say we have a rather happy and healthy sex life with each other.
I’m sorry you feel your needs aren’t being met, and I’m sorry you felt the need to have affairs. I don’t think anyone can say if that is reason you should of divorced her or not, that’s all on you. All I can say is when the intimacy stopped and she said it was just a wifely duty did you explain your needs and see if an open relationship was possible? No deception, everyone on the same page, no loss of trust.RHP User
3 years ago
I realise I’m going to make a comment on behalf of some women and for that I apologise….
But…
It’s been my experience with the women I’ve been with that they very much love sex, they love men just as much (and at times more than men - though men don’t always love other men) as men do.
Sex isn’t always enjoyable though for people…for some it’s somewhat of a chore. My marriage that busted up suffered greatly with sex as I wasn’t entirely inspiring her sex drive any by a few bad choices on my part albeit not entirely my doing. However there can also be some physiological things that can play a part in her lacking in interest in sex…it could be uncomfortable for her? I’m not saying it is by the way.
Anywsy I’ll stop my dribble and get back on the road…
Wish you luck dude in trying to understand it, just know it can be quite a deep rabbit hole…
countrytouch82
3 years ago
I think some people just don't have a substantial sexual interest or needs, but which doesn't stop them wanting love or a loving partner. (Or just for certain periods of their lives). Sort of but not exactly like asexuals. It can be an innate issue, or a learnt or environmental (background/past, educational, lived experience, religious beliefs, or friends & peers motivated) issue. If it's innate, they don't particularly see it as an issue.
The problem is when one person has strong needs and desires (eg sex or physical intimacy) that the other person has no interest in. Without anyone else being involved*, that person has a rather difficult choice to make, to either go without certain needs and desires for their ENTIRE life at least while they are with that person or to stop being with that person.
* That is someone else being involved with or without the other person's consent.
I know of a few sexless marriages, but generally speaking it hasn't always been that way.
The other issue around leaving a long term partnership, is whether the amount of pain it will cause is more than the amount of pain currently experienced. And there's also far from any guarantee that you will even find another partner, so among many other new problems, you may still end up being without that physical intimacy for life.
Sorry I have only empathy but no particular advice :(
Phoenix_Rising
3 years ago
I totally understand, this post could have been written by my father, only he’s nearly 20 years older than you.
Unfortunately for him my mother was the same, he’s struggled greatly with it and had affairs too...he stayed with mum and is still miserable and asking himself all the same questions you do, so I’m sorry but it doesn’t seem to get any better. Only difference is they’re not nice to each other much at all anymore.
Not all women are like this though, it could be caused by physical discomfort, naturally low libido, psychological issues, past trauma...the list is long and of course it could be something that you’re doing that makes it not so great for her, or something you’re not doing that might make it so much better for her.
I highly doubt anyone here will have any magic answers for you but I do sympathise, it’s a tough time when two people love each other but are worlds away from each other when it comes to how that love is shown.
Kokoflamingo
3 years ago
Im sorry, but all I hear is " poor me" . If sex is that important to you then its up to you to change your life. Its sounds as if the two of you would be happier with other, more suitable partners. If you arent willing to change things, dont be bitter and expect sympathy. I know women who dont like sex because their partners make no effort anymore, its a 2 way street. Ive heard your story before, from other men on RHP, all looking for someone to tell them that its ok to have sex behind their wives backs. Its not.
tall60
3 years ago
The girl u married, doesn’t seem to have changed into the woman u desire.
All people want companionship thru life…most people learn how to enjoy giving and receiving sex, and usually improve over time.
You seem to have a static relationship…your girl wanted a husband not sex..
MsSuperFoxy
3 years ago
OP blah, blah, blah all I read and hear is excuses from you and wanting validation of your behavour, by asking the question you have. IMO you've probably offered the ladies you've had affairs with, The Boyfriend experience because that's what you are missing (cuddles intimacy, human touch etc as stated on your profile). And now you are questioning yourself and marriage. That's on you.
Your question is valid, but the Poor me and then justifying yourself and then praising your wife, well really it is that simple. Go seek professional help.
Ms Foxy
teamaj2
3 years ago
Rickalive so much pain , disappointment and frustration in your post . I can’t really speak on her behalf but there is two sides to every story . I feel that your wife may have the same feelings but obviously for totally different reasons .
We are all created differently . Not everyone has a high libido , not everyone can relax enabling them to enjoy the joys of an active sex life . Your wife may have barriers up from her religious beliefs , trauma from the past or you both are maybe not sexually compatible.
To ‘fix’ this problem within the marriage two people need to be working towards the same goal . In your case , I fear your wife wouldn’t be wanting to seek counselling and work towards what you so dearly seek .
I was in a difficult marriage for 16 years with someone I was not attracted to . It’s a huge leap to leave my marriage . Everyone’s experience is different . I’m glad I went through the anguish, financial hardship etc of getting a divorce . My husband was not in a good way , which I fear may occur with your wife . My children survived and eventually thrived , they were my number one priority . Looking for a new partner was not .
The sad truth is even if you get a divorce there is no guarantees of finding compatible partners . I took my time and was very blessed to find my husband .
Living a lie is draining , heartbreaking and soul destroying . If you feel you can , be kind to your wife and be honest . She won’t take it well but sometimes in life if you want something enough, be brave .
I personally feel staying with someone that doesn’t fulfil you can lead to resentment . No one wants to live in a relationship that makes us unhappy . If you can look at your life with your wife in total and can honestly say you love and respect her , she is your best friend and every aspect of your life together is good except for this , you could change your mindset and concentrate on what you do have , not what is missing . Only you can decide what is going to work for you . Covid has made many people look at their relationships. Like yourself, no working away from home , no holidays and being at home with that one person without ‘escaping ‘ to find sexual release or the distraction of a holiday have brought many a relationship undone .
Good luck .RHP User
3 years ago
I admire the honesty. However, I think where you're wrong (and you've implied this by the tone of your post) is that "you're stuck". YOU control what's next Sir, and I see 4 options:
a) Stick with your wife. Be faithful. Nothing changes;
b) Stick with your wife. Have affairs. Scratch that itch when you can;
c) Chat with your wife about seeking relationship counselling. Her sexual shortcomings might be due to religious quackery, but she might also have some trauma in the past to work through; or
d) Divorce her. And move on. Get humping.
At your age, you're 2/3 through living, eh? Up to you how you want to proceed with the last 1/3. Good luck!
Oh, and to your question? Women absolutely, 110% love sex - single, married, poly, whatever!RHP User
3 years ago
This is why I think ethical non-monogamy (ENM) which is an umbrella term for many different types of relationships and activities, including polyamory, open relationships, swinging, etc is the way to go because you don’t expect one person to be everything for you. And you can stay in relationships that give you so much, but not everything you need. Just my two cents.
Sawadee
3 years ago
I believe women like sex just as much as men. There are many married ( or single ) couples who have a fabulous sex life in the early stage of a relationship , so what could go wrong.? In my opinion ' relationships fall foul of familiarity . No ones fault. It happens for several reasons , kids , work , bills, and even outside influences, but it does happen and will take its toll.
Add this to a mans testosterone level is playing havoc with his urges ,only adds to the problems.. l dont think women intentionally turn off sex , as l said , most like sex just as much as men but in a different way. Conflict arises when her or his are not being meet. Recognising these differences can be a life ( marriage ) saver.RHP User
3 years ago
She's probably got a great sexlife... with her lovers. 🤣
4_yourpleasure
3 years ago
Hello Rick
How are you? Mate I feel for you, difficult and most complicated for so many reasons. I'm in a similar boat to you but mine is purely a medical one and I don't think there are any easy answers, especially when you love the person. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and we can't die wondering.
Kindest regards and,
Good luck Rick.RHP User
3 years ago
Why? Because my husband was a crap lover. Why would I want more of that 🤔 thank God those days are behind me.
Libertine001
3 years ago
I'm seeing communication which is a founding key to any relationship is a major issue here and wont get any better over time unless the elephant in the room is addressed.
The fact that you and your wife cant and dont talk about where you are going, what your needs are, and how to come to a resolution has ended up where you are.
Sorry to say but forget about sex and just start communicating, if she doesn't want to hear about it than your approach is wrong.
Ask yourself where do you see yourself with this woman in 10 years time because if you have a fantasy that it will all come magically back it wont.
Relationships are hard fucking work and need constant checking in or you end up where you are..
Just my 2 cents worth
LibertineRHP User
3 years ago
First of all, you will have to put up with judgments from those parts of this forum who claim they don't judge - Thats life and in these forums the keyboard warriors can be brutal.
I totally get where you are coming from having seen this play out in my own family just as Phoenix has in hers.
The judgmental people here don't understand the power that religion plays within some relationships and fail to really put themselves in others shoes.
The only thing I can add is this
Remove the sex from the equation for a second, as this in itself is neither a reason to stay or leave.
Are you happy?
We are on this earth for such a short time, don't get top the end of your life and have any regrets.
From your post, I feel that there really is a lack of happiness and fullfilment in your life
Do you want to see out the rest of your life in this state???
We are each responsible only for our own happiness!
We are NOT responsible for anyone else's happiness.
If seeking happiness means you feel you need to leave your wife, then there is your answer.
Your wife is probably terribly unhappy too, and the lack of sex would be an indication, but the religious requirements of staying with you is keeping her in the relationship.
leaving may just free you both of that burden!
i have seen far more people suffer due to religious burdens than those who flourish and live happy fullfilled lives under the banner
Something to think aboutRHP User
3 years ago
I would be more concerned with why does she not enjoy it or want it? Did something happen? Does she enjoy something more risky? My sex drive has grown stronger each year, I thought most women’s did. I can’t get enough.
Mrs_Deep_Love
3 years ago
Why do some men want sex but but not a wife?
I know right? The universe has so many unanswerable questions.
Stillhard
3 years ago
Since my wife went through menopause she's lost interest in sex altogether. She never had big sexdrive before either but I've met women her age and post menopause that are horny as most teenagers. 😏
Sweet_Cherry_Pie
3 years ago
You talk alot about her not fulfilling your needs. Have you tried fulfilling hers? Sex is not an entitlement. If she is not feeling like her wants and needs are being met after 30 years , she will feel empty and unattached. What is it she needs to have her tank filled? You say you used to take her away a lot, now it’s just you travelling a lot, having multiple affairs. I’m not surprised she isn’t interested in sex with you.
If you honestly want to fix your marriage, think about what you can do to love her better. Does she want your time, does she want more help around the house? Ask her what she wants most if you need to. Don’t do it because you want sex. Do it because you want to love her properly in a way she recognises the love. Maybe eventually your needs will be fulfilled once her tank is full.
Remember, always come to the single girl for the best marriage advice! 😂RHP User
3 years ago
Wow.. guess I'm just lucky and married a nymphomaniac! Hahahhaa
Gentlelovers
3 years ago
I have never heard of anything so ridiculous as this.
RHP User
2 years ago
Mate you should fuck her properly so she does like it your obviously not doing your job right
RHP User
2 years ago
There are sooo many judgemental females on here who obviously have nothing better to do than search the forums and comment on them like they are queen perfection. Some of theses ladies judging a cheating husband are the one most likely sleeping with the cheaters. I rarely post any comments but ffs some of you women ( and you know who you are) think they are queen RHP people and judge everyone. You will know who they are cause they will attack me over this comment. Wait for it…..
pomy50
2 years ago
My wife of 28 years said she didn't enjoy sex but after we were married for about 8 years she was seeing her old boyfriend.for 18 months.
Mmmm not sure if she told the truth coz she she didn't enjoy it with him either????
Free2play
2 years ago
"According to her.." being the operative words. I don't know that she knew women very well.
Free2play
2 years ago
Everyone's different. In a perfect species you two could just sit down, discuss your differences and plan how to both make each other happy. How you both acknowledge the difference between sex and love and whether you both have the ability to not let one interfere with the other would tell a tale
RHP User
2 years ago
Sounds very familiar my wife and i only had sex about every six weeks .spent a lot off time trying to flirt and wine and dine .one little thing and had to start all over again .thought she was having a afair called her out went to marrage counseling turned out she only had sex with me so i wouldnt go else where she wasnt interested .told her if she wanted sex to ask i wouldnt make here .we havnt had sex for two years .after beeing married for twenty pluss years makes life hard at times now dont know how to conect sexualy with her .
Phoenix_Rising
2 years ago
On the flip side, why do so many men want sex and not a relationship/marriage? Let’s face it, we’re just on two completely different levels most of the time and you’re damn lucky if you find someone you can make sex and a relationship work with.
1973a1980man
2 years ago
😂😂😂what 🗑️🗑️🗑️im fukn 47 iv enjoyed sex to the max with all ladies all my life ladies get lost in marriage lifes too short lol cum. Cumm my lady i say all ladies a1980man ref lol
RHP User
2 years ago
I think that everyone is entitled to be happy - shit at the end of the day thats about all we can truly hope for right- Happiness.
I also know that many marriages and relationships go stale because people stop trying. When you first meet and date someone, you tend to be on your best behavior and try your hardest to impress. then over the years it all just gets too hard, and we feel like we dont need to impress anymore. I find that a LOT of blokes get into a rut - they become providers for the family and tend to lose a sense of self. Only advice I have is - find yourself again. Find those things you were passionate about that made you feel alive. Maybe she doesnt misses the "OLD" you. Find the things that make you happy outside of your relationship. Who knows, she may become attracted to you again and become more turned on.
If not, at least you are doing something that makes you happy and you can decide if you need to find happiness and fulfillment in another relationship. Good luck!
EarthQueen
2 years ago
I just want the sex and no husband.
Andyrhp1
2 years ago
who doesn't want an unlimited credit card!
Hayleybby
2 years ago
Maybe her needs during sex have never been met and this is why she’s not interested? Hope you find a solution.
RHP User
2 years ago
Goodness no! I love sex when sex is good. I was married and my ex did not please me, so sex became less frequent, until it ended. Still as others say, everyone is different.
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