Is it obvious when the dude talks?
January 13 2025
Some say it immediately puts them off if the guy is leading the approach. I’m different as I am a dude so couples approaching me is a different ball game to couples approaching women.
Do you recognise the difference in tone or intent from a male to female led approach and does one put you off more than the other?
As a couple are you aware of how different your relative approaches come across to your target audience?
Comments
FeistyFatty
22 days ago
Very identifiable. If I've engaged "chat" with a couple I am instantly turned off when its the male leading. Personal preferences though too. Ive always found the "female lead" swinging couples to be more genuine...... They generally meet fairly swiftly and plays seems to go more effortlessly (not many hiccups, just casual and fun).
Andrea_Sydney
22 days ago
I ask who I am talking to if the couple doesn’t volunteer this info. I always volunteer the info that I (f) am running the account and am the one that the couple is talking to.
Mostly I would talk to the m of the couple. And nothing puts me off, why would it. I would be the one playing with him, so being put off by talking to a man wouldn’t make any sense.
What I will say is that it’s easier when I talk to the woman. Reason being that there’s lots of messages being exchanged before most men will involve their partner. Then partner takes one look at our photos and says no. If the photos were shared with wife immediately, the whole messaging could have been cut short.
When I talk to the woman, we share the photos of each others husbands and either politely decline or continue talking and quickly come to an understanding of what we would like to do.
In my opinion, the reason many couples profiles are unsuccessful “because” it’s the guys running them. What I mean is, there is an obvious discrepancy on how the percentage that swingers are attracted to enough to consider play - it’s not a secret that men feel attracted enough to consider play to a very much higher percentage of the women they see than women feel attracted enough to the men.
We make this discrepancy work for us - I choose the men. As the women (in couples) do the same and choose or not choose my partner. It is unlikely that in a couple where I find the husband attractive, my partner wouldn’t find his wife attractive. That almost never happens. Attractive swinging men usually have attractive wives. Or maybe the wives are more often attractive than the men anyway. It’s not totally clear.
But the practicality shows us: if the women make the choice of each other’s partners, the men are usually very (!) happy with the choice and when I show my partner the pics, he’s excited. I also know his taste!
I believe the whole secret to the game is - the women have to choose.
All these couple accounts run by men don’t play it right, they get excited, try to seal the deal, and show their wife the pics way too late in the game.
That’s my experience with this.
So that’s why I love talking to women running couples accounts! Definitely not because of tone or intent.
It’s ludicrous to be upset about intent on a hook up app. And tone is always good. Partnered men use very different tone in their messaging as opposed to single men. At least in my experience.Flirty2020
22 days ago
Yes it can be very obvious, depending on the “dude” and how thirsty & predatory he is.
The “warning signs” and “alarm bells” are there ……Apples_N_Oranges
22 days ago
From our experiences so far most couples have been male led, some possibly a team effort and rarely female led. This could be due to the male being the one who first instigated there involvement in the lifestyle/RHP, being protective of the female partner and the females safety/pleasure being of higher priority to the male.
Most of the time we can tell the difference in the chat with a MF couple, guys seem to add more humour/joke around (we enjoy some cheeky banter). Females seem to be more direct, not chat as often. As long as it feels like everyone is engaged in the conversation and it’s fun, it’s a win.
We have also found starting up a four way chat on WhatsApp works well, it seems to bring everyone together, they open up a bit more and the chat flows easier.Pangolin28
22 days ago
On the odd occasion when I have chatted with a couple here or elsewhere it is very evident who is doing the talking. If in any doubt of the differences between the man or woman chatting one only has to check out the chatroom
boobsandbusted
22 days ago
Very quickly identifiable ,especially if the message goes along the joyful line of HEY! It’s always going to be a guy , but for the rest generally I would say 98
percent of the time you can tell , guys and girls generally just talk different and how they go about chatting and communication
Mr bLookng_4_fun
22 days ago
We have had our first Mfm and we have obviously had many discussions with males and some meet and greets. Mrs loves to flirt and find right guy but when we get comments like “I want to lick you out” etc I will step in there can’t be a connection with comments like that. Guys need to assume if we are looking for a wild night we are both reading. After all that we did have a wild night!
Sawadee
21 days ago
Yes , theres something different about the way a guy speaks compared to a female.. Theres a few regular's who state they're the female of a couple who l suspect are dudes ... When called out they go quite... i could be wrong but i dont think so...
Mrs_Deep_Love
20 days ago
Yes, it's obvious to me.
I'm willing to give the male half a go though.
Sometimes they are just the more chatty partner.
Hubby and I were chatting with a couple awhile back, he was lovely and engaging.
When we met up at a group event, the female half couldn't be less interested in chatting if she tried.
The moral to the story is, if you are chatting to the female half initially ( let's face it she is normally the gate keeper).
There's probably more of a chance of continuing the friendship/hookup.
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