M49 F44
All you introverts out there
January 25 2020
How have you made it work as a pair of introverts or a single for that matter? There's got to be a magic potion that doesn't involve tequila 😬
- Posted from rhpmobile
Comments
AnnieWhichway
4 years ago
I have no tips. The only thing that works is having a wingperson with me to help break the ice with strangers so I'm not left in the corner like a stale bottle of beer.It's all varying degrees of state of mind as well, even with a wing person. I need to be comfortable with my appearance so l can feel at least a little sexy within myself so my confidence is up and about.My confidence has soared over the 5 years I've been in RHP, putting myself out there but it's no certainty I'll soar like an eagle on the night but hopefully won't grovel like a turkey on the ground.I find that there is an important thing to recognise and accept that you are an introvert and there is nothing wrong with you. We are all different and it's just a natural part of that.
sweetas_j
4 years ago
Absolutely agree with what Annie said. Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. I just keep telling myself that once I get through the terrifying part of meeting someone new, it might turn into something amazing 😊
As with Annie, my confidence levels have increased during my time on here, but I am still an introvert at heart 💓
SSExplorer
4 years ago
Great post Spicy.
As the more extroverted one of this couple I’m put in the drivers seat but if I’m honest there’s a fair bit of the introvert in me too.
Even online doesn’t work for Mrs S as not only is she very shy when it comes to sex but she’s also very trusting. When we started we both did the online stuff but she soon tired of the lies and deception so leaves it to me. It’s safer for us that way but does limit our success as we will fall off a lot of people’s filters. This limitation has likely been a good thing though as the few experiences we have had have been really nice.
We have tried meet and greets but find them difficult and stressful and we haven’t been able to relax and be ourselves.
If anyone has something other than tequila we’d like to have some too :)
MsSuperFoxy
4 years ago
For me, self confidence is the key. I also pick and choose my environments and company depending what mood I'm in. I'm not attracted to way over the top extroverts as I find they oversitimulate and drain me. I'm happy to sit back and watch them in social settings. I do attend clubs, however it depends who I am with etc. I could never go alone. It's just to fearful. It is OK to sit in the corner and watch. Nothing wrong with that. Many do. During my time on RHP, I have met 200+ people, I believe the key is for us introverts is pick and choose what suits us at that time, so it allow us to focus our attention deeply. One thing I will say is, extroverts will never understand us introverts, yet introverts do understand extroverts. Lol!
Ms Foxy
RHP User
4 years ago
As a natural introvert I've never enjoyed parties and usually abhor small talk of any kind. It's hard to generate any kind of intellectual conversation at events.
Online is much easier as you can analyse and assess (introvert porn) and work out who might be operating a cerebral level sexually.
I've enjoyed my time here for that reason.SpicyKale
4 years ago
Interesting thoughts all round! We definitely know our type and while we accept it, it'd be nice to feel comfortable stepping outside the square occasionally. The wingman idea has been mentioned to us quite a few times, it's just hard when your wingman and best friend is just as introverted as you are! We've been to clubs with friends before, but almost felt guilty not wanting to cling to them 😬 Although it was nice to see how a couple that I'm sure could get a brick wall to talk back to them with a bit of effort work a room!
SSE, a meet and greet we got to over your way a year or so ago was probably the most comfortable we've been in a larger group setting. It was very much about how it was run, just awesome people! We're the same with online stuff, I've got a much thicker skin for the bs that comes with anything online 😐
We'll find what works for us eventually foxy, definitely no rush... we aren't going anywhere.
More champagne than tequila if I'm completely honest!SpicyKale
4 years ago
As an aside, we started out thinking clubs and meet 'n greets would be easiest because we were so time pore. We were so wrong! Hopefully we'll come full circle, but it needs a bit of personal growth on our end. It's a fun journey no matter where we end up though 😊
SpicyKale
4 years ago
🙄poor
KittyDeluxe
4 years ago
I find it difficult to meet new people, but it's not the introversion that causes that. Introverts need alone time to recharge and process.
What makes it difficult is severe social anxiety, which I do CBT for (cognitive behavioural therapy).
I find meeting people in a not too busy environment where we can have a conversation and I can arrive a little early to get my shit together works for me.SpicyKale
4 years ago
Kitty, that's an interesting insight. Just had a quick read, we're both probably what's described as restrained introverts. Have a read on the the four types of introverts, it's not something I'd come across before. Social anxiety is something that effects a lot of people, but not widely talked about. I've used cbt for other things in the past, it might be worth a revisit... I'm never one to discount things
SSExplorer
4 years ago
I just did the google thing. Yes I think we are both restrained introverts as once we are comfortable with someone our introversion disappears hence why we can fully enjoy sharing ourselves with others sexually.
I have a huge dose of thinking introversion, which is more of a curse.
To Spicy and other introverts, what are your kids like and did you actively promote them to be more extroverted?
We give ours off the lead to really explore and they seem to be so much more extroverted which I feel is a good thing.Prettylilkitty
4 years ago
I find this an interesting thread. As an introvert, I too lean towards smaller gatherings 2:2, as opposed to parties. I take a while to warm up but once I’m comfortable with people, I’m told I seem very confident (even when I don’t feel it) I like to chat online a little prior to meet as it helps with me becoming comfortable with new play mates prior to meeting up. Thanks for this forum topic, S
SpicyKale
4 years ago
SSE, we're definitely the same when we get to know people. I can think of a few friends that would laugh at you if you told them we're introverts! Just because of the way our friendship developed they've probably never seen that side of us, we're ultra comfortable around them and they should take that as the biggest compliment! It still doesn't help in large social environments 😳
One of our kids is just like the two of us, the other one must have been swapped at birth! Nothing obviously different in how we treat them and it's our girl that's the extrovert. It's got to be more nature than nurture 🤷♂️MsSuperFoxy
4 years ago
You are so dead set right. I agree 1000% with your comment, "Introverts need alone time to recharge and process." I have found not many get that nor understand. Sometimes, I really do enjoy my own company, especially if I have had intense days. I do it especially just before meets going into social settings. Mainly when I'm getting ready. Once I have had that recharge time, I'm roaring to go!
Ms Foxy
Aradia
4 years ago
I'm INTJ. Which as a woman is about as hard as it gets for an introvert.
I survive mostly by knowing everyone will think I'm odd and largely avoid me so I'm well used to enjoying my own company.
Hubby and I occasionally go to sex clubs but it's always the same. We mostly go for novelty value because it's too hard to meet people there as people tend to go in their own groups anyway. And the women tend to reject me just because of what I look like so they can get a bit lonely too. It's easier meeting people for one on one but even that is difficult to wade through the masses of average and endless "how are you's".
At parties I survive by getting in early. Social lubrication always helps too.
Missb4u
4 years ago
I’m an intj to. There are actually quite a few of us on rhp as it’s been mentioned before.
I have terrible social anxiety and getting to that first meet is the hardest thing for me.
I like to be with extroverts as I find this easier and it makes me more of an extrovert to be around them. I admire how easily they do all things social.
I have also done clubs once with an introvert and honestly it was a disaster not something I would do again. The time I went with an extrovert was amazing and one of the best nights I’ve ever had.
Sooo how do I do rhp as an introvert.... I take loads of time to decide to meet and then when I do decide to meet I have to plan it on days/weeks I’m feeling social.
Occasionally the stars all align and I’m feeling really social and get a great message from some that sparked my interest and I get spontaneous and just do it without too much thought and these have so far all been really good meets.
For me the anxiety is around getting there and the first meeting. Once I’m there I’m good for one on one meets.
Vodka helps and knowing myself and when to plan
curiousgirl35
4 years ago
I still havent met anyone from rhp!
Im fine with online chat and its a good way to see if that person can turn you on with their words, but most cant be bothered. Its a five minute chat then " see you later if we arent meeting". Im like, "I havent even opened up yet!"
It is definitely hard being introverted and not show your true self easily. I guess alot of people think I am a timewaster or have no intention of meeting anyone.
2020 will be the year of meet/greets for us.
non_such
4 years ago
Although a greater proportion of extroverts suffer social anxiety than extroverts, that correlation does not imply causation. Introversion is simply a personality type whereas social anxiety is a disorder that can be treated. Extroverts can also suffer from social anxiety, usually as a result of their social advances being ignored or rebuffed. Extroverts are not necessarily more confident, they simply mask their insecurity with bravado. Introverts suffer anxiety before the party; extroverts suffer after the party.
Many introverts use it to explain their shyness or anxiety and that leads them to think that their introversion is a character flaw. It isn't and should be celebrated since introverts have the calm minds and focus to achieve far more than grasshopper extroverts.
“All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” Pascal
I identify as an introvert but rarely suffer from anxiety in social situations, and can be quite an exhibitionist. I agree with Kitty's observation that introverts need time alone to recharge, and long periods without solitude can drain me, Introverts tend to form deeper relationships with fewer people, so find the shallow nature of most social gatherings tedious. We often feel uncomfortable in social gatherings because we feel we need to behave like extroverts and fear we will be shunned if we don't. We should just do whatever we feel comfortable with.
If you suffer from social anxiety I would focus on addressing that rather than worry that it is a result of being an introvert.
Solitude is the richness of self; loneliness is the poverty of self.non_such
4 years ago
damn...why can't you post-edit comments?
MsSuperFoxy
4 years ago
Anxiety is diagnosed under mental healt. Social anxiety, defined as the fear of being judged. It’s a self-consciousness from huge fears. Introverts do enjoy time alone and can be comfortable with others, when they choose and feel safe. We feel off others emotions. Kinda like an empath. We choose, Not when others want us too. One can be a social anxious introvert. That's OK, if it is professionally dianosed, not a self diagnosis.
Ms FoxyRHP User
4 years ago
INFP / INTJ here, depending on the day / hour / minute.
I've been doing the online thing for years, been to a few social meet and greets and a fair few one-on-ones, and TBH I still haven't really worked out a foolproof way to make it work as an introvert. I think that there will always be challenges because we are outnumbered by extroverts, and our society generally revolves around promoting and catering to extroversion which can leave us feeling very out of place at times. I think a lot of it is becoming more comfortable with who we are and our differences, despite all the pressure to fit into the more accepted mould (I am also still working on this myself).
Sometimes, being able to fake it can be useful, e.g. while I usually dislike small talk I have become better at it over the years from watching extroverts and from my jobs which have generally involved a lot of interaction with other people. I currently work in health care and small talk about a whole range of topics is very helpful in building rapport. I've been able to use this in social settings as well although I still struggle with it at times, and always prefer the deeper conversations over the more superficial interactions. It usually takes a bit of time before you can get to the deeper stuff though, plus the task of finding those on the same wavelength, so I have found that going through the small talk can be worth it to find those rarer like-minded souls.
I have also become better over the years at pushing myself outside my comfort zone, in an active effort to meet new people. It doesn't always work out but occasionally it's been very worth it. Because I've been single for so long I've also had to push myself to become more willing to do things on my own. It's not easy and it's not comfortable but again, I have found some rewards in doing it.
I don't do initial meets during the week. The last thing I want to do after a day of talking to lots of people at work is to navigate a meet with someone I don't know well. Like Missb, I have to think about planning meets at times when I know I'll be capable of being more social and talkative.
Although I wouldn't be going straight for the tequila, as mentioned by a few some social lubrication (in moderation) can also be very helpful
MsJonesy
4 years ago
👍👍
Introvert here, but I can be very social when in the mood and in the right company. Big gatherings such as meet & greets don't worry me at all and I have been to quite a few through this site, and had an absolute blast! I do find really loud music playing at the same time as a total overload, and that can make me retreat into myself, or just chat with those I know.
That might be something for event organisers to ponder on to ensure those of us who identify as introverts (and those who may identify with ASD) don't get overwhelmed.
Russulus
4 years ago
Quite apt this thread, just last night I went to a meet n great and social anxiety struck hard, resulting in me sitting on the sidelines not talking to anyone and leaving soon after I arrived.
After analysing where it went wrong on the the way home I concluded next time I’d definitely try contacting the organisers prior so there is point of contact on arrival.
I’m also thinking of going to a club, so the point of contact thing may not be available, therefore I’m thinking of arriving earlier so it may be easier to introduce myself. last night on arrival there were several sub groups all actively interacting and with my anxiety levels peaking I found myself frozen and unable to introduce myself.
I’m going to make a mental list of questions to try and take the pressure off myself, when it feels like the conversation is drying up.
Lastly I gave myself a pat on the back for at least getting out there and trying to stretch boundaries.Russulus
4 years ago
Oh, and whilst riding on my motorcycle home I felt something flapping on my leg, turns out I’d also spent the evening walking around with the waist and leg length sticker of my brand new jeans 🙄
Sawadee
4 years ago
I've always been the one to step back watch and listen and only open up once l feel comfortable. So sus'ing out who's who becomes my primary focus. Still ' I enjoy stimulating conversation with people who are relaxed but not with those who enjoy the sound of thier own voice. This coming from someone who once addressed 200 or more at our company seminars ' yet l still find myself uneasy in smaller gatherings.. Go figure ?
RHP User
4 years ago
I am an ENFP but have a fair amount of social anxiety. I have trouble being around lots of people but when I do talk, I usually have foot in mouth disease and overshare.
Like Azdaja, interactions can be tiring as I spend way to much time analyzing the conversation after.
Being new to this type of environment, I hope I don't have too much judgement of myself and can just relax and have fun.
Samnite
4 years ago
All you people who label yourselves with some type of personality indicator are probably missing the point.
It doesn't matter which test you do they all ONLY show you your preferred behaviour for specific situations at a specific time in your life. Your preferred behaviour can and often does change due to various factors.
The point is that EVERYONE has the capacity to be extraverted or introverted; to think or to feel; to judge or to perceive; to to be intuitive or not. It's just that sometimes we do more of one than the other.
I like to think of myself as an extrovert but I do need my alone time. I have never enjoyed nor felt comfortable in night club type environments simply because I find it very difficult to have conversation in a loud, smoky, and crowded environment. So, at a club I might comes across as shy and anxious or anti-social.RHP User
4 years ago
Quoting 'Samnite'
All you people who label yourselves with some type of personality indicator are probably missing the point.
I'm very aware of the nature and limitations of the Myers Briggs indicators, and that they don't mean you always behave / think / relate to others in a particular way. However, there are also scales for each personality aspect and when it comes to the introversion / extroversion scale I overwhelmingly lean towards introversion and can safely say I've been that way for 41 years now. I may have my more extroverted moments but I would never consider myself an extrovert overall.MsSuperFoxy
4 years ago
I stand by my statement point. "Extroverts never instant introverys". 😉
Ms FoxyMsSuperFoxy
4 years ago
😊
Ms Foxy
cat_n_the_hatter
4 years ago
Great topic. Thanks SKJung envisaged introverts as those who draw energy from being alone, while extroverts do that from their environment. However, Big Five or HEXACO are more reliable than Myers-Briggs personality inventory.
Why? Extroversion/introversion is a spectrum - a scale which helps to more accurately determine where someone falls in terms of their behaviour relative to others. There are different degrees of introversion or extroversion, not just two or three types.
There is a stereotype of what an extrovert should look like or behave like and many people try to emulate it; however, extroverts differ greatly among themselves and are not even close to what society considers them to be. Extreme extroverts or introverts are rare (0.8%). The estimated percentage of extroverts in a general population is greatly exaggerated due to perceived benefits of being one. We often find people high on introversion scale acting as extroverts and some get the wrong perspective on how extroverts behave.
There are extroverts who are energetic but low in neuroticism – you won’t find many of them on social media and there are introverts who are high in neuroticism and can be shallow. Myers-Briggs personality inventory is not taken seriously by professionals as many of crucial personality traits are not even measured (e.g. humility or neuroticism).
I would love to spend my time with an extrovert/introvert who is low in neuroticism, high in humility and is honest (low agreeability). Levels of neuroticism and humility are far more important and often when going to M&G – I actually look for signs of these (Ms)RHP User
4 years ago
Sometimes I avoid people like the plague, some times I sit in the corner and listen.
And yet other times a gathering fires me up and I’m right into it ?non_such
4 years ago
I agree with the aphorism 'extroverts never understand introverts.'
Often they conflate it with shyness and social anxiety and imagine that introverts are catatonic shut-ins or agoraphobics. They think that introverts would be a lot more fun if they just got over their 'problem' and stop being so uptight.SpicyKale
4 years ago
non_such, you've hit the nail on the head a few times there! Yes, being introverted and having some degree of social anxiety are very different. We're both very much introverts, we need our quiet down time away from others to wind down. Try doing that with young kids! I do wonder at times what that does for the mental health of introverts with youngsters! We're lucky that we're both similar, we can get that down time together and not feel the need to be interacting if we're in the same room! There's probably a bit of social anxiety in there too, it's a work in progress 😊
You've got a stack of other great points in there too... 👌 Love the before and after the party analogy!
As a few have mentioned extroverts don't seem to get introverts. The thought that introverts can become extroverts is just wrong in my opinion. If you're an introvert you can be outgoing, but that shouldn't be confused with being an extrovert. It's just a character that you share with an extrovert for a period of time before feel the need to go and hide in the corner again😊
It's great that a lot of us are self aware enough to know our limitations and what works for us! Not so helpful when you're trying to jump head first into the orgy😬
sweetnsensual
4 years ago
We like two on two meets or meets with unicorns which seem to be easier to arrange
Clubs are fun for us socialising and love OSS in Sydney
Horses for courses but need a connection first before play!SpicyKale
4 years ago
Oh, and a message to all the club owners out there... turn the bloody music down! We're definitely with MsJonesy on that one, complete overload. Is that an introvert thing, or are we just getting old? I've always wondered if a swingers lounge club would work🤔 It's one of the reasons we like lunchtime pub or winery meets! We're back to not being at clubs again aren't we😂
AnnieWhichway
4 years ago
Agree with the music thing. Went to the flirt party the other week for another go. Loud music amidst 1000 people(general party crowd not the RHP crowd). A nightmare for an introvert and apparently many others. Never happier to get into a taxi
SpicyKale
4 years ago
Hmm... it's an interesting dilemma Annie! If we could combine a cocktail party vibe and a club with quieter music I think it would suit a lot of introverts. This isn't a whinge about the current clubs, because we sure as shit couldn't do any better. As close as we've seen in our limited experience would be a combination of one of classyandfuncpls meet and greets with a quieter club night. I'm with sweetnsensual, I quite like OSS... just can't hear myself think in there. Mrs Kale finds it way worse than I do! It'll be interesting to see if Annandale is closer to what we're thinking... might take a bit of convincing to get Mrs Kale through the door though! Baby steps😊
RHP User
4 years ago
I’ve never done a Myers Briggs thingy....never really discovered a need...
I do what I like, how I like it, mostly when I like, and I’ve never felt a need to justify it, explain it or understand it...
I’m not saying I’m better than those who do...I’ve just found it to not be that important...sometimes I think we over analyse stuff though...seeking a rationale in an otherwise irrational(subjective) scenario....
Am I weird ??
Mr DragonSpicyKale
4 years ago
Well, you're probably weird... but not for the Myers Briggs thingy😉
We've never done it either, we've just got a decent understanding of what makes as tick as humans. I'm very much with you, I'm not huge on labels. I've made the mistake of using them as a crutch when I was younger, just don't feel the need past the few we use on here to help attract the type of people we think we're a chance of clicking with.
Still doesn't help with our original dilemma! In hindsight the thread should have been along the lines of, how do you manage clubs and parties when you aren't the ultra outgoing type... but that seemed a bit more self defeatist 🤔RHP User
4 years ago
I mentioned results of the Myers Briggs tests I've had to do at work and uni (i.e. not done voluntarily) in a passing manner, and because in my case I think they do actually reflect quite well my overall personality traits - in this case highlighting the introversion which is what this topic was originally about. I didn't think it would become such a big issue.
I don't 'label' myself as those MBTI traits. I completely understand that a 4 letter summary can't ever fully describe a person. However, I don't think there's anything wrong with people thinking about these things and actually you find that most of us do have certain patterns to our behaviour and thinking - even those traits changing depending on our environment or who we are with is a pattern. Personally, I like thinking about that sort of stuff, just like I like thinking about many different aspects of the why / how / what of people and the world. Even if there are almost never any clear answers and it's all subjective (that's when things are actually most interesting I think). Some people don't like thinking about that stuff and that's fine too. All part of the subjective experience.
This topic asked for opinions about navigating RHP as an introvert and that's the question I answered. Just because I threw in the MBTI results I don't think my response has any less value.
Dirtyandfriendly
4 years ago
I never used to be an introvert I was actually very out there and sociable. When I used to go to dance classes I made a lot of friends and when I realised how fake most people were I sort of lost interest and stop seeing people.
It's been a few years, but I love my alone time. Work has me very interactive with people so to get home is quite nice.
Going out and meeting people? I'm a very short dose kind of person. 2 hours max and I've had enough. My housemate notices it, she said it's the way I walk 😂.
Meeting up with people I do get nervous, anxiety not so much, just more nerves because I want to make a good impression. Sometimes i over think it and bugger it up. I've come to realise I need to know a person before anything, once I've relaxed I'm much better.RHP User
4 years ago
Quoting 'Azdaja' Just because I threw in the MBTI results I don't think my response has any less value.
For what is worth, i am glad you adding the Myers Briggs stuff in there. Its kinda nice to know someone out there answered a random test on a random day and came back with a thought pattern 75% like me. its nice to know that i am not alone in the way i think about the world. :)RHP User
4 years ago
Helps when the 6 girls up top say more than sorry not interested. I have been on this site for 2 years.. i have shown interest in over 80% of women on this site. Yet never got anywhere with em. Wtf is the problem.
AnnieWhichway
4 years ago
It may not completely tell/represent your story but if accepted in the right way, it can be a tool to more understand yourself compared to others.
I think it's vital to more understand yourself. If you can't understand yourself, how is anyone else?
It's only through these forums and some of the people I've met through it, I have been able to recognise my introversion and come to the understanding of the need to recharge through being alone. To understand it's a normal part of being who l am.
To finally understand being an introvert is ok. Actually very ok.SpicyKale
4 years ago
Azdaja, don't be offended by our banter... dragon and I tend to make a sport out of it! The Myers Briggs stuff has come up before and honestly I don't think any of us have a problem with it. My only issue revolves around employers trying to use it on potential new staff, but that's s whole other story! If it helps people know where they sit, go for it.
In all honesty the thread has helped work out that it might be less about being introverts and maybe a bit more about being outgoing rather than reserved. That's something we can work on and that's a good thing 😊RHP User
4 years ago
Azdaja....
I’m sorry if you felt devalued by my addition...as I said I’ve never felt that interested in it, and I did search for the Myers Briggs thingy...and took a 10 minute test just to see what it gave me though before seeing your comment...
25% introverted
21% intuitive
8% thinking
10% perceiving.
Was my score...
I don’t really understand what it all means, im sure other people do..
Ms Phoenix did it too and asked “it doesn’t total 100% am I even all there?” Lol Her second attempt she feels was more accurate...
It was a rather interesting read of the traits that the test seems to identify...
Again my addition wasn’t to devalue, but I noticed that there were a lot whom commented seemed to have such in depth explanation of their circumstances that it seemed like maybe I was supposed to have the same....
Mr DragonRHP User
4 years ago
Spicy...
Lol you’re such a hijacker 😂😂
Mr dragonSpicyKale
4 years ago
Cupidsarrow where did that come from? I could give you a list looking at your profile, but here probably isn't the place for it. Good on you for persevering and keeping the membership going though.
LotusLover
4 years ago
Nice idea for a post discussion.
I've learnt to allow room for attraction to occur. The 1st meeting with a lady or couple is a normal conversation with people who you've never met before. But just as you allow your desire to overcome your introversion, they are doing the same, if they desire you.
& you must have patience to allow that to occur.
It's surprising how quickly an introverted lady moves straight into desire, when their comfort levels are allowed respect & space to play through.SSExplorer
4 years ago
Cupids Arrow’s post and SK’s response spurred me to have a look at his profile. I’m intrigued at what SK’s list would be as I think he’s put up a very honest profile. If I had to give him any advice it would be to not show full nude shots on main profile and especially not including a flaccid member, all but the most blessed men’s members are rather uninspiring when not on task, especially if you’re a grower not a shower. Apart from that the photos are nice!
Profile is nice too, maybe a little too nice!
Again for improvement I’d suggest fleshing it out more as it doesn’t give an idea of your personality and interests. The more honest you are the more any responses will likely lead to something
As for the 6 ladies, maybe just maybe you weren’t their cup o tea, that’s ok! Also realise many people get a lot of messages, most of them are fakes and rubbish so sometimes even the genuine and nice ones get a blunt rejection if they don’t spark an immediate interest.
And just like life, an immediate interest isn’t always the best. We have a couple of very interesting contacts that have been on the slow burn for quite some time, the anticipation of them going further is quite delicious and I guess if they don’t then that will be much more disappointing than someone who has rejected our profile on first glance.
Whaddaya reckon SpicyKale? (I also have a list on your profile...it’s all good though 👍)RHP User
4 years ago
Well I guess I better do the Myer Briggs test then.
SpicyKale
4 years ago
I've given up on profile feedback tips! They're ultra subjective and only encourage people to change their profiles to suit. In my opinion it results in all of your character vanishing into the ether. Honestly the only reason I commented on it was because the post came completely out of nowhere! I mean I love a good hijack as much as Mr Dragon does, but at least we start on topic ... usually!
Nothing like a slow burn, we've got a few simmering away too! All to often in internet land the slow burn doesn't work because people are all about the here and now. For some us that have families and lead busy lives the slow burn is just the way of it, unfortunately you loose a few along the way! We'll have to swap profile tips away from here at some point, but the insight might be scary
EarthQueen
4 years ago
Extroverts are misrepresented
In every test I do I come up extrovert. This doesn’t mean I’m always comfortable being in the spotlight, love large gatherings or am the one initiating conversation. Just means I enjoy being around a select group of people who help me recharge. I do have a large friend group but I credit this more to being curious and tolerant than being extroverted. Many of my friends are introverted including my partner. I just let them be to do their thing and understand when they need space. I also crave alone time and silence. I get pretty nervous meeting anyone new in any dating situation and that’s one of the reasons I haven’t been to clubs or meet and greets. So we aren’t always the life of the party although If I’m comfortable and feel like if I will cut loose.RHP User
4 years ago
Just have some rules, set in place. Make sure your OK with engaging in the club scene before you go. Then stick to your own rules. The more you go the easier it gets and then you can relax your rules if you feel OK about it. Once your there in the club with a completely open mind and minimal rules in place you'll find it will all just happen naturally. You won't have to make too much of an effort.
RHP User
4 years ago
All good, I wasn't offended as such - just responding with my thoughts in response to all of the comments (not just yours) about the MBTI.
Dragon - you definitely don't need to have an interest in it just because others have gone into more depth. You've been on the forums for a long time now, you should be used to my sometimes very wordy and rambling comments about various existential bullshit We're all different in what floats our boat (and we're all weird in our own ways ).SpicyKale
4 years ago
Azdaja, all good😊 The forums here are a great place to share ideas and get opinions that vary from our own. There's not too many on here at the moment that deliberately stir the pot, maybe the occasional misunderstanding, but rarely anything malicious. I love that we can all have a bit of decent banter without things getting heated. The day any of us feel that we can't share an option because we might offend people is probably a sad day. Nothing wrong with any of us giving an apology when things are misconstrued 😊
SpicyKale
4 years ago
🙄 bloody auto correct
RHP User
4 years ago
I've been posting on the forum on and off for a fair few years now...I definitely have experience with all its highs and lows!
non_such
4 years ago
as previous commenters have pointed out: it is fun as a parlour game and as a harmless tool to begin self reflection, but it is dangerous when used as anything more than that. It was devised by two amateurs with a hobbyist's understanding of Jungian psychology and has somehow become a million dollar pyramid industry.There are many books debunking it but I recommend Annie Murphy Paul's 'Cult of Personality' which also discusses other clumsy tools used by schools and employers.I have twice walked out of interviews where some halfwit HR has tried to give me a test. I usually ask 'Is your test based on MBTI or MMPI?' and if they look confused I head for the door.
I am an INTJ too. For supposedly the rarest type there sure are a lot of them online. But nobody will disagree with a test that calls them a genius. It's the Forer Effect...RHP User
4 years ago
Azdaja...
Yeah I miss your ramblings at times....as they’re often very though provoking as always....
I must admit I’m scratching my head at the fact you had to undertake one as part of your employment(I think you mentioned it or I misinterpreted it to be that way at least).
Seems rather odd to need to have such a snapshot of someone’s personality for employment screening....
I’m glad you weren’t offended as such, but as you know I’m about as tactful as a wrecking ball 😂😂.
Mr DragonRHP User
4 years ago
Quoting 'Dragon_Phoenix'
I must admit I’m scratching my head at the fact you had to undertake one as part of your employment(I think you mentioned it or I misinterpreted it to be that way at least).
It was part of a team bonding exercise with a former employer, many years ago now. So not used for screening purposes or anything like that, but I'm also not really a fan of employers having their employees do personality tests as you just never really know how the info might end up being used.The second time I did it at uni it was used as a tool to get the mostly 17-25 year old first years thinking about how they tick and how they relate to others. We had to write a reflection about it. Heaps of funSpicyKale
4 years ago
A few of us mentioned employers using Myers Briggs, it's down right scary! I've had a few friends have HR departments spring it on them, one used an independent consultant to do the test before they'd even consider an interview. I'd be more worried about the narcissistic personality disorder of the HR manager that decided it was a good idea in the first place. As long as we're having fun with it and not adding it to our profile filtering rules I think we're all safe 😳
RHP User
4 years ago
Azdaja...
Ahh gotchya...
I gotta keep checking the spelling of your name now as I still know you as your falcor name...
Mr DragonRHP User
4 years ago
Quoting 'SpicyKale'one used an independent consultant to do the test before they'd even consider an interview. That's some f'kd up bullshit. That's a good screening for which employers to stay far away from.
RHP User
4 years ago
Azdaja is one of the names for an evil Slavic dragon-demon, so I've kept up with the tradition of dragon monikers. Not that I consider myself evil at all....
Hmm I've just realised that this is getting a bit confusing, what with your new name and all!RHP User
4 years ago
Ciao amore
RHP User
4 years ago
Ciao
RHP User
4 years ago
Feel free to use my other moniker 😉
Mr dragonRHP User
4 years ago
Quoting 'Dragon_Phoenix'
Feel free to use my other moniker 😉
Mr dragon
Not sure the mods would be too impressed with that!RHP User
4 years ago
Well... fuck em 😂😂
SpicyKale
4 years ago
Ha! Ms Phoenix uses it to describe him on here all the time😂
RHP User
4 years ago
A lot of people seem to find introverts creepy, especially ageing male ones. IMHO we are just more observant and so more imaginative. We like quiet. Who doesn't enjoy conversation where we can easily hear each other and don't have to yell over some cacophonous music while trying to get smashed as quickly as we can at the same time? I love library meets. Don't overlook the introvert. You don't know what you're missing out on.
Cucknshells
4 years ago
Someone once describe to me Introverts as feeling drained around people and Extroverts as feeling energised around people.
So for me when I am around a large group of people for a long period of time I then need time alone to reenergise. It is daunting for me to go to a meet and greet as I am not good at small talk. After a bit I relax and then by the end of the night I feel overloaded and need some time alone.
I think the Myers Briggs test is interesting and first did in Uni many years ago. It was used to give a understanding on how everyone is different and how to show empathy for people as we are not all alike.
ShellsPS I too have changed my name again but my photo is still the same. Just felt like a change. Should have changed it to Stirry just to further confuse everyone. :-)RHP User
4 years ago
Confidence... or the ability to believe in either youself or each others intentions. Lead by example, don't say one thing and mean another.
non_such
4 years ago
maybe they were recreating the Forer test.he gave his students a personality test and then the next day gave them each a personality profile.he asked the students to rate how accurate the profile was.collectively they rated it as 86% accurate.he then disclosed that they had all been given the same profile which he had taken from a horoscope.
RHP User
4 years ago
Spicy...
You’ll be in the cage next 😂😂
Mr dragonRHP User
4 years ago
Being an INTJ male ,RHP has forced me to work a lot harder at developing social awareness and really start stepping out of my comfort zone ( not so much an issue for my beautiful wife).
I’ll never forget the first time we met a couple for drinks in a pub, I was absolutely terrified! Perseverance has helped me get past this fear which definitely pays off in other aspects of my life.
For those on the introverted side or just shy it can be too easy to curl up in bed safe and warm on a Saturday night and never find out what’s going on in the world and experience what it has to offer.
My experience has taught me to dive in head first, what’s the worst that can happen? So you meet somewhere who’s not who they said they were or not aligned with you values, just be polite and move on, some awesome people are just around the corner!
mjel7884
4 years ago
As an extrovert and so is my wife, we still find it difficult to approach and talk to people at clubs. Once we are chatting, the first thing we try to do is find common ground and things usually take off from there. For the introverts, it must be extremely difficult and I feel your pain. Overall, I think we/you need to push through the awkward uncomfortable hello and find that common ground ASAP, once this is done, you will relax without even knowing and make you more sexually & mentally attractive.
AnnieWhichway
4 years ago
I find the best company in house plants. We have a silent connection....
SpicyKale
4 years ago
Annie, but the question everyone wants to know the answer to, is do you sing to them?
MsSuperFoxy
4 years ago
Check out the facebook group called "crazy indoor plant people". 😝😄
Ms FoxyAnnieWhichway
4 years ago
I don't sing and tell.....
RHP User
4 years ago
According to this nice quote:
Extroverts sparkle, introverts glow. Extroverts are fireworks, introverts are a fire in the hearth.RHP User
4 years ago
Unsuccessful hahaha
RHP User
4 years ago
What a bunch of sad cunts most of you have no idea of what anxiety feels like your comments make me question is life worth living
SpicyKale
4 years ago
Colesguy, I'm assuming you're describing your time on here and not having a dig?
2forsexytimes for the most of it the thread has been a level headed and decent conversation. I really hope you don't actually believe what you've written?
Just realised it's a full moon😐RHP User
4 years ago
Quoting '2forsexytimes'
What a bunch of sad cunts most of you have no idea of what anxiety feels like your comments make me question is life worth living
Maybe you can share your thoughts with us rather than name call like you did, as i am sure there are members of this forum who do actually know and understand what real Anxiety is all about, and i am one of them.RHP User
4 years ago
I used to be quite an introvert. And I found that ask a few questions online first so you can find some common interest, then the conversation is much easier when you meet in person.
If you work in retail or healthcare, you get over being an introvert quite quickly.
KSB79
4 years ago
I just went to an Ethical Hook Ups workshop which I found useful in improving my knowledge and confidence in general. As someone who also periodically suffers from social anxiety and a fellow introvert, and someone who has done a bit of research into the psychological and sociological aspects, I can assure you that time invested into yourself is seldom wasted.
There are some great workshops that address this. Many provide a safe place to practice skills in starting, having and (importantly) ending conversations with people in social settings. There are also some great books. Social anxiety can be a life-trap that an hold you back, but it is something you can do something about. It wont be quick or easy though, it takes time. I am continuing to invest in myself through books and attending safe workshops and events.
What improvements have I noticed? I find myself giving myself permission to enjoy life more. I find myself connecting with people in a more genuine way. Importantly, I find myself surrounded by people just like me; social anxiety is actually very very common and we can help each other along the way.
I wish you all the best - and acknowledge the very good advice in the posts on this thread. Thank you for starting it. 😊sweetnsensual
4 years ago
We were very shy when we joined RHP
We attended social events but were guided by a gorgeous woman on here MisJif!
We now run our own social events but still get nervous meeting new people!SpicyKale
4 years ago
Sweetnsensual, yes she's a jem! We've only met briefly a few times, but she definitely left an impression. Part of it might just be that we haven't found our tribe in Adelaide yet! There's still hope for us... thanks!
MsJonesy
4 years ago
Sweetnsensual, I count on my feed 10 posts from you on forums I have followed - some which have been inactive since 2017. Is it you, undertaking a PR campaign, or have you been hacked? 🤔
SpicyKale
4 years ago
Nothing wrong with a good PR campaign occasionally MsJonesy😉 Mr Dragon inadvertently did our last one for us.... so many dick pics as a result!
They are platinum members, advertise here and the pie sponsors their events. Personally, good on them for doing stuff out of Sydney. Can see your point though, but I personally don't think it's a conspiracy 😊RHP User
4 years ago
I have been on here for five years now and to be honest I have no idea what works. You'd think the 'safety blanket' of being inline would help someone like myself in making contact with awesome people on here. I have met som eamazing fun people and had some great connections. I can only count that on one hand though.
I estimate I have probably sent 1000 messages in that time, about one every two days. Most are ignored. Some have replied with 'Sorry, you're not what I/we are looking for.' and occasionally I get some conversation. I have had a few who have taken the time to have some great discussions.
I've tried every approach from straight out propositions to talking about anything but sex. I see people read my message or look at my profile then block me. I clearly haven't got a clue. I've redone my profile a heaps. Read and listened to all the advice from other members and I still am completely clueless to why I struggle with it.
RHP has helped me come out of my shell though and has pushed me to step into some very uncomfortable environments at first to have the time of my life so I'll hang around. One day I maky figure it out.RHP User
4 years ago
INTP here. Can we have introverts only night. Could be a disaster mind, everyone sitting in silence not talking to each other, then again if we all know everyone is an introvert and finds the whole process of talking to strangers (or for some, of just talking) a bit painful or needing a lot of energy to come across ‘normal’ ie like an extrovert... then maybe we’d just drop all pretence and things would flow more easily...
RHP User
4 years ago
We settled on a theory today that we extroverts need to be let out of captivity a week earlier than introverted people so we don't overwhelm everyone with the amount of hugging and shit-talking we're going to do 😂🤣 to answer your question though, i tend to find naturally introverted people are the folks who keep the fire within, rather than running with it like it's an olympic tourch the way we extroverted idiots do.
Find the wind that best fans your flame, if you burn brighter through your online persona then light up the sky with it 🤣 no point smouldering in the corner of a bar if that's not your thing. Let's face it, we're living in an introverts wet dream right now, it's almost like a perfect world for folks who prefer a slower, more gradual intro.
Boards
Forum help
Something related with that
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
report