1st Meet & Greet last night

September 22 2018

Hi everyone, i would like to share my thoughts about how my first Meet & Greet social night went last night, unfortunately it was on my own as my partner went to Melbourne to spend a week with our Son, and it may have been a good thing anyway, as i personally found it to be a very daunting experience, and nerve racking as well.

I arrived at the bar at 8pm, but i was so nervous that i stood outside until 8.30pm before deciding to pull the plug and wander inside and make myself known, and when i got to the bar, the guy who arranges their social events greeted me, i got a drink, and sat with him and got to find out what it was all about.
The members were all in a room out the back, so i made my way there, and as soon as i walked in i saw about 40 to 50 people sitting in small groups at tables around the room chatting, mostly couples and several single ladies, plus 3 others who were there for the first time as well.
Ages varied between early 30's to 50's with some 60's in there as well,
and body shapes varied, but i must say that there were more larger size
women (say size 14 and over) than slim to medium size, and men i would
say were around the same, and some of the guys were dressed very nicely, others were very shabby in my opinion.

As i scanned around the room, i think nearly every person looked at me, then turned away and carried on chatting, so it kind of felt very cold to me, and i got the feeling that not everyone in the room really made an effort to mingle, they all sat there in their own little groups, so i wasn't quite sure what to do, and even though i am usually very sociable and can mix very well, i found this scenario somewhat unpleasant to be honest, and i thought that maybe someone in the group might have come over and made themselves known to me, but it seemed like it was up to me to mingle and mix in.
Personally i think the guy who runs these events should take the new guests around and introduce them to the regulars, and i later found out from him that most of the members wouldn't know each others Sirname, and he told me that he only knew them by their first names.

I did meet one newbie lady in her 50's, who just said hello as she walked into the room, and we ended up chatting for 20 minutes or so, and what an interesting chat it was, no holds barred, it was like i had known her for years, and although she was on the slightly larger size (definitely not what i would usually be attracted to) i actually found hervery attractive and very sexy as well, and i don't think i would have any problem hooking up with her at one of their swingers parties, in fact to be honest, i felt like pashing with her right where we was standing, as it just felt so right for some reason.

I met the other 3 newbies, but they didn't seem keen on chatting or mixing (maybe nervous like me) so i went out to another area outside the lounge bar where another group was drinking, and i was hit by a wall of smokers (mostly men) and it made me feel very sick sucking in that smoke, so i went back into the main room to grab another drink and get some fresh air, but after i finished the drink i just left and went to my usual drinking hole for a few more before going home.

Right now i wish i had of got the contact details from the lady i was talking to before i left, just to catch up with her when my partner was back home, and possibly should have approached one of the couples and sat with them to find out how they got into the lifestyle and how it works for them, unfortunately i didn't get around to it.

Right now i am in 2 minds about this Swingers group, and not really sure what to do from here, the smokers bother me because i cannot be near anyone who has any smell of tobacco on them, or their breathe, and i know my partner would also feel the same way.
It may be better to try and meet other couples or ladies a different way as i think we would both have more control over who we decide to meet up with.
Cheers

Comments

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    I just realized that maybe being on my own was half the problem with the reaction i got from the other guests, as the single lady i met had no problems mingling, so it may have been a case of others thinking i am a single guy checking out the scene.
    Probably need to give it another go with my partner beside me.
    Cheers

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    Greg, you mention the physical size of the women twice. You are inviting trouble doing this. Just a quick perusal of your profile (which I hardly ever do) shows that you are not exactly Slim Jim.
    It is difficult when you walk into a room where people are seated at tables - the awkwardness, ''where do I sit?'', all that - I am not much cop in those situations myself, but if you have a go these things can sometimes work out. It sounds (a little bit) like you walked into a room, made some judgments about people's weight, didn't really try to get among them, went outside where the smokers normally do their thing, complained about that, then left. You might need to work on things a little.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    I don't believe i was being judgemental about the size of the women or men for that matter, and i know i am no slim jim myself, i was merely giving people an idea of what i was confronted with when i walked into the room, and i personally don't see anything wrong with stating the fact that there were more over size people than there was normal size, i was simply telling it like it was, but i do not judge people based on their size/weight/looks or otherwise, and if you or others see it that way then i am sorry, it was not meant to be judgemental in any way.

    If you read the part about meeting the other new lady and chatting with her for a while, note that i actually said that although she was slightly larger than i would usually be attracted to, i actually found her to be physically attractive to me, which did surprise me somewhat.
    Also, this is all very new to us, and i am not always the best at explaining things.

  • countrytouch82

    countrytouch82

    6 years ago

    First time is always difficult. The attempt can be off putting, depending on the dynamic of the particular event, whether you feel people are interested in you or not. But that's the same going out anywhere hoping to meet someone. But the way I see it, attending and managing a conversation or two is still heaps better than being home alone, and you're not going to meet anyone that way. Of course you are not home alone normally as you said you do have a partner currently, so it is only about meeting extra people in this case.

    But if you continue to attend meet and greets, the second time you will likely know one or a couple of people, the third time you will know a few, then you will know a few more, and so on, and eventually you will always have people you've met before to chat to and break the ice with, and meet and greets will be less like a bunch of complete strangers and more like catching up with friends. And that means you can spend more time actually talking and less time trying to find someone to talk to.

    Mingling is an issue and it is nature for some to gravitate to only those who picque their particular interest or attraction. The host and perhaps some regulars always have the capability to make sure new people feel welcome, to say hello and point newbies to others who are also happy to chat. It can be hard to approach anyone without giving off the "just another guy looking for sex" vibe, so it takes some time to work out how best to approach different people, and the way to show you really just want to talk without expectations.

    I didn't see the OP remarks about size as being judgemental, more that he acknowledged the fact that swingers/sex-positive singles at such events, seemed like mostly average Joes and average Janes, reflective of any bunch of normal size and dress and character of people you would see on a normal street, not those on Bondi beach :P

  • AnnieWhichway

    AnnieWhichway

    6 years ago

    Your experience seem to revolve around body shapes. How is someone overweight publically judging others that may be overweight.You may one day realise the swinging world is a similar demographic of everyday life. Some have the idea it's all about hordes of playboy bunnies and their partner Brad Pitt.
    Interesting that you have single Male profile and you attended when your wife is out of town. Not judging but cant help but wonder....

  • MsJonesy

    MsJonesy

    6 years ago

    I don't particularly like meet & greet venues where there is a lot of seating, as people plonk themselves and rarely move again. It makes it difficult to build an inclusive social vibe, and doesn't encourage mingling - which is what a meet & greet is all about!

    I was nodding my head when I read Okey's post, although you have since explained yourself a little better. The thing is, swinging is about stretching personal boundaries, and that includes the way you view people's physical characteristics. I think your attraction to the woman may have also been built because you took the time to engage in discussion with her, rather than just relying on visual input.

    I'm not saying that people have to change what appeals to them, but that an OPEN MIND is the best thing to tuck in your mental back pocket when starting in this scene.

    There's probably some timely lessons for you from the night. It's worth persevering with group meet & greets, but I would suggest your wife is with you next time if you are venturing into swinging as a couple. ☺

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    Personally i don't really care if anyone believes my story about my partner being in Melbourne this week or not, it is true, and it was only until last Monday that she bought her tickets to fly out on Tuesday morning, not thinking about the group gathering last night, so it was a complete co-incidence that she missed it by 1 night, but that's the way it is.
    I even told the organizer of this Meet and Greet by email 2 days ago that i was not sure if i should go without her, and i regret it now because i really think my presence there alone made me feel uncomfortable.

    I have written my profile as a member of a couple, i have stated what we are looking for, and i will only post photos of us both together, and if anyone wants to think otherwise about my/our intentions can are welcome to do so.
    Btw, the lady i did meet and chatted to for quite a while is a member of this forum as well, and i wish now that i had asked for her username and/or contact details, and during our wonderful chat together we both shared details about each others partners, and she even gave me some tips for me and my partner to think about along this journey.

    @ countrytouch82.....
    Thanks for your great reply, i really appreciated it very much, very well written.

  • MsJonesy

    MsJonesy

    6 years ago

    Just read your profile, and I am confused. What does this mean;



    "i will be the active member of a couple participating, but my activities in here will be entirely based on being one member of a couple."



    I can't work out if you are playing alone as your single male profile suggests. Or if it is a couple seeking others?

    It's fairly safe to say if you are a couple seeking others, you will have fark all luck attracting other couples with a single man profile.

    And the surname thing you mention in your oprning post? Shit, I have known some people from here for many years and consider them some of my best mates and I still don't know their surnames! And in breaking news, some people don't even use their real names; it can be a scary jungle out there Greg Pinton, as you will no doubt find out soon.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    Thanks for your reply as well, and you hit the nail right on the head re your comments about not having lots of seats and tables at these meet venues, and you was right by saying that once people have plonked themselves down, they usually don't bother moving unless it is to go grab another drink, and that is what i fount it to be like last night, and the only ones who were standing up near the small bar were several single ladies talking to some couples at a table.
    The smoking area was horrible, 2 large bench type tables with seats on either side, and mostly men and a few ladies there smoking and chatting.
    Cheers

  • MsJonesy

    MsJonesy

    6 years ago

    Thats what a smoking area usually is. We pariahs are not allowed nice areas; well that's the attitude most ex smokers and nonsmokers have. Meh.

    Here's a tip for all - just don't go out to smoking areas if you find it offensive. That will save us dirty, horrible people having to put up with the whinging about how disgusting the habit is.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    I had no idea the other section was for the smokers, i only found out when i got there, and i have the right to say whatever i like about smoking, just as you have the right to ignore us.
    The biggest regret in my life was to start the horrible habit at the age of 16, and i gave up 20 years ago, because it is a disgusting habit, and a health hazzard, whether you like it or not, and it is a drain on our health system as well, but i don't see the government forcing smokers to pay for their medical treatment if it is caused by smoking, and it is about time they did.
    One good thing out of all this is that my 19 year old daughter has never seen me smoke.
    Sorry but i tell it like it is.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    certainly not me, so where that came from lord only knows, and i am not whinging, i just said i hate being around smokers and smelling nicotine on people ?
    We have friends and family members who are wonderful people, just that some of them choose to smoke, and yes i hate being near them after they have been puffing their lungs away, but it doesn't mean they are horrible and dirty.

  • MsJonesy

    MsJonesy

    6 years ago

    We do pay... indirectly.... through the taxes on the cigs. The price increases every 5 seconds are taxes, not supplier increases. We even cough up enough to help cover the costs of everyone elses health care, because the tax on those things are huge. Last time I checked they are LEGAL, so applying extra health care costs is not going to happen.

    Look, it is a habit, an addiction. Many hate it, I get that; I know smokers who hate it. I try to be as considerate as I can when smoking, so that others are not impacted if possible. But I also have a right to smoke.

    I also have an opinion, and will voice it as loud as anti smokers do..because it is my right to do so.

    I just wish people would be so strident in voicing their thoughts on other habits/ addictions which impact others as much as smoking does....because there is plenty of other shit people put in themselves which is just as, if not more, harmful to themselves and to others.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    Ant that is your given right, just as it is for me, and i do understand that you have the right to smoke just as i have the right not to, and to bitch about it, and i apologize if i came across too harshly, i don't always go around bashing people who i see smoking, god someone will give me a jab in the jaw one day for doing so, but it is a very touchy subject with me.
    Moving along, i fully understand where you are coming from regarding your comments earlier about my profile, it may appear to be odd, but i don't see any harm in the way i have set it up, at least i have been up front and open about it, and i am not hereto mess with people, because i am one of those very people who actually hates all the wierd stuff that is posted in forums such as this, men pretending to be women (why ?) and those who post seriously stupid topics.
    I take on board what you have said, and to be honest, we are not really expecting much from this forum in terms of meeting anyone, especially locals, and if my profile turns people off then i have to accept that, and that is why i have not bought a subscription to this site yet, because i have not yet had any responses/messages from anyone who we are keen to carry on with, if it does happen, then i will buy a short term sub.
    I am not here to make enemies, so i will be a bit more mindful of what i do say while in this forum.
    Cheers

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    Expected some fun, didnt get any, has a grumble afterwards.

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    Absolute rubbish, i was not sure what to expect to be honest, but for me it was not quite what i thought it may have been like, and i am not grumbling about it, i was just offering my thoughts about what the night was like for me.
    Maybe next time, with partner with me it may be a lot different.

  • sweetnsensual

    sweetnsensual

    6 years ago

    We are organising our first meet and greet on the 27th of October in the Central West. We will have hostesses to help introduce people when they arrive and during the night as well. Looking at a few activities to allow people to mingle and chat to others. Yes it’s very daunting attending on your own.

    Will have some great prizes and a gift bag on arrival as well.

    Ours is sponsored by a large adult chain so the prizes will be good!



    We are a couple and have attended a few meet and greets and you do get to know people if you make the effort to chat.



    Your profile is confusing!

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    Off topic but if you're a couple, why not have a couples profile.

  • sweetnsensual

    sweetnsensual

    6 years ago

    Was a good Segway we thought!

  • inspirit

    inspirit

    6 years ago

    You poor thing. My first meet and greet everyone was fucking. Even I.

    😁😁😁😜

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • Rlee552

    Rlee552

    6 years ago

    ... had a beautiful vision of the future of swinging when we are all naked on segways, trying to get close enough to each other to interact. Perhaps different types of segways for different permutations of singles, couples and groups.

  • FredAndGinger2

    FredAndGinger2

    6 years ago

    Some events are open for all whole others are catering specifically for couples

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • boobsandbusted

    boobsandbusted

    6 years ago

    imagine if a poor host had to take every new person and introduce them all night long ,they wouldn’t have any time to do the rest of the things others would complain about if they didn’t get done or have a social fun evening themselves , nope sorry that’s your job as hard as it is ,and there’s also a lot of people who don’t want to stand out as newbies and spotlighted like deer in headlights ,can’t please everyone ,my suggestion ,next time go with your partner many sneaky men have used your reason to death. and yup everyone’s piss antennas go up ,been there done that ,although they were very very wrong ,still doesn’t make for a fun evening when you feel like the enemy from the start

    mr b

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    Meet & greets in public places are usually quite intimidating for most. You must remember that every lady isn't going to come running to you & like any sort of meeting of the minds will require some effort. Maybe next time walk to each 'group', crouch so it doesn't look like you're setting up camp, do introductions, have a quick open discussion & move to the next group. You'll have a much better time this way & may even leave someone wanting more.. Best of luck

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    This was in Hobart, it's a small place, and i was told there is about 30 to 40 couples and a few single ladies all up in this club, and it was a "meet & greet" night at a local wine bar, it was not a party night where they all get it on.
    I don't know what "meet & greet" nights are like with clubs on the mainland, but from what i can imagine from the replies, and from what others have told me in other forums like this one, they don't appear to be quite the same as what i experienced last Friday night, and i certainly didn't expect the "host" (the guy who has been running this club since 2002) to spend all night baby sitting me and taking me around to meet everyone, but i still think he could have introduced me, and the other 3 newbies as a group intro, where all he had to do was grab everyone's attention and simply introduce us to the group, as i feel this may have helped, but i do take the blame because i was there alone, and maybe my expectations were a bit on the high side for this particular group at least.
    I also have to say that i was somewhat surprised by the way many of the guys presented themselves, and a few of the ladies as well, very ordinary to say the least, as i think they could have made an effort to dress up a bit better than they did.

    This group does not appear to have a lot of parties, i believe it would be 3 or 4 times a year, where i believe they have 3 big houses to choose from to have their parties at, and the members are charged a fee to participate, which is used to cover the hire of the house.
    Before i left the bar i suggested to the Host that he may like to look into hiring a couple of Sybian sex machines and put them in a room so the party guests can gather and let them try it out, as i had hired one a few years ago for a "Hens" night that my partner went to, and apparently it was a massive hit, and i also have my own custom built aluminium Funky Rocker sex machine which i offered to him for one of his parties as well.
    Finally, as far as my profile goes, i do believe that i have written it as a "couple" in every single way, and i have a couples photo in my profile, however it seems to be upsetting some people in here to the point where they believe i am lying and acting alone here, so to these people all i can say is that your assumptions are completely wrong, however i do understand that it may be misleading, so i am going to close my account and open a new one, this time with a verified couples photo and a different user name, and just for the record, my current User Name is not my Real name, for those who may have thought it was.
    Cheers everyone

  • mango69er

    mango69er

    6 years ago

    If your a couple. Playing as a couple. Put up a dam couples profile . For f sake. What do you exspect people to think

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • ozmelbcpl4cpl2

    ozmelbcpl4cpl2

    6 years ago

    Every meet n greet we hv been to have small groups who dont mingle.the trick is to just jump in and chat.not all are friendly enough to keep the chat going.unfortunately this is the swinging scene. Many people all different on their own ways..advice is that no 2 meets are the same some good some not so good.hang in there.

  • NewVicCpl

    NewVicCpl

    6 years ago

    Serioisly ??? 😡😡😡

    Reading that makes me see you as nothing but a judgmental old dude with a shit attitude, CBF'd with the rest of your story and am not at all suprised that people didn't want to talk to you.

    Here's a tip that might help for the future: stop whining about people not wanting to talk to you when you are judging them based on nothing more than your opinion of their size. Talk to people, don't be judgemental, and then form an opinion about them as a person.

    Mr NvC

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    6 years ago

    Quoting 'NewVicCpl'
    Serioisly ??? 😡😡😡



    Reading that makes me see you as nothing but a judgmental old dude with a shit attitude, CBF'd with the rest of your story and am not at all suprised that people didn't want to talk to you.



    Here's a tip that might help for the future: stop whining about people not wanting to talk to you when you are judging them based on nothing more than your opinion of their size. Talk to people, don't be judgemental, and then form an opinion about them as a person.
    Mr NvC

    - Posted from rhpmobile
    Perfectly said..... think he is missing the meaning of greet, it's a two way street, and expectant that only others do the greeting part, and insinuating that if they were large (his version) he wouldn't have been interested, shows he hasn't got the fact that most swingers find the mental connection the first and most important point of arousal, which when occurs, you don't even notice if they are your preferred body type or not. Not willing to initiate, then take the first experience as a guide, maybe this isn't the life for you.....just saying....

  • boobsandbusted

    boobsandbusted

    6 years ago

    maybe ,they felt he was sizing them up looking them up and down ,mumbling height to weight ratio is all wrong ,next ,lmao

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • SxcMissM

    SxcMissM

    5 years ago

    Having been to 2 Meets and Greets here in Melbourne both different sites both different experiences they are what you make it but if they are couple centered as the swinging community is small on many levels people who know each other do tend to gravitate to each other and it does make it a bit harder to mingle On both occasions I was greeted by the host and introduced to a few people to get me started the rest was up to me overall i enjoyed both i met some lovely people and i hope to run into them again and the next one
    As for size i am a size 14 most days which is average it is not large it is not small, women have a enough body shaming going on in the world with out it being done here it is confidence shattering and adds to the pressure to conform to unrealistic expectations women's bodies in all shapes and sizes should be celebrated .... So NOT COOL OP

  • RHP User

    RHP User

    5 years ago

    Well said SxcMissM :)

    - Posted from rhpmobile

  • sweetnsensual

    sweetnsensual

    5 years ago

    I recently was called petite by a woman I was playing with

    We like people not body size though I have been called tiny a few times now

    I’m a size ten

    We have met women of all sizes and loved the experiences

    We have been to meet and greets in Sydney and yes they can be clicky

    We had been chatting to a couple and arranged to meet them at a meet and greet

    When we arrived only the husband came over and explained his wife was picky lol

    He said he was still happy to play with us which we politely declined

    She was so picky she couldn’t even say hello?

    We wouldn’t chat to a single guy at a meet and greet as we are not interested in single guys so OP don’t be surprised no one wanted to chat to you. Maybe if you had shown your rippling abs and perfect body you would have been more successful

  • technologic

    technologic

    5 years ago

    It's clearly a touchy subject but just because one is fat/slim doesn't mean that you have to be ONLY attracted to those the same body shape/size as you. And just because one isn't attracted to a certain body shape doesn't mean that they're judging them negatively!

    As the OP has already expressed, he wasn't normally attracted to women in that size range but upon getting to know her better he realised that her whole package (mind and body) was much more attractive than his initial impression of just her body.

    I think this is something for both men and women to keep in mind - do not limit yourself to first impressions as you might be missing out on the whole package. Also, don't pass up on making an effort to present your best personality/mind because you could change their mind (I don't mean by being creepy & stalkerish though 😜).

    Unfortunately people are easily affected by first impressions but it is their own loss if that's all they go by.

    - Posted from rhpmobile